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Understanding Interpersonal Communication (Communication Patterns in…
Understanding Interpersonal Communication
Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication
What makes Communication Interpersonal?
Definition: Two-way interactions between people whoarepartofacloseandirreplaceable relationship in which they treat each other as unique individuals.
Mediated Interpersonal Communication
cyber relationship: An affiliation between people who know each other only in the virtual world.
Why People Use Communication Technology
Mediated communication can feel nonthreatening.
Online communication can be validating.
Electronic communication often has a pause option.
Mediated channels enable communication that would not happen otherwise.
Drawbacks of Online Communication
Whether people who com- municate online already know one another or not, the virtual world presents challenges in terms of interpersonal communication. For one thing, excessive use of online communication can diminish relationships, as happens when we are more tuned in to texts and tweets than to humans in the same room.
Phubbing: A mixture ofthe words phone and snubbing, used to describe episodes in which people pay more attention to their devices than they do to the people around them.
How We Choose Relational Partners
Evaluating Relationship Potential
I admire the person's abilities.
It's natural to admire people who are highly competent in something we care about.
The person opens up to me.
People who reveal important information about themselves often seem more likable, provided of course that what they share is appropriate to the setting and the stage of the relationship
The person likes and appreciates me.
It's no mystery why reciprocal liking is appealing. People who approve of us bolster our feelings of self-esteem. Attraction has to be mutual to spark and maintain a relationship, though. And ofcourse, we aren't drawn toward everyone who seems to like us.
I see the person frequently.
In many cases, proximity leads to liking. For instance, we're more likely to develop friendships with close neighbors than with distant ones, and the chances are good that we'll choose a mate with whom we cross paths often. Proximity allows us to get more information about people and to engage in more relationship-building behaviors together.
We balance each other out.
The folk wisdom that "opposites attract" seems to contradict the similarity principle just described. In truth, both are valid. Differences strengthen a relationship when they are complementary-when each partner's character- istics satisfy the other's needs.
The relationship is rewarding.
Social exchange theory: The idea that we seek out people who can give us rewards that are greater than or equal to the costs we encounter in dealing with them.
We have a lot in common.
In most cases, we like people whose tem- perament, values, and life goals are simi- lar to our own. For example, the more alike a married couple's personalities are, the more likely they are to report being happy and satisfied in their marriage.
The person is physically attractive.
People are more likely to show interest in others they consider physically attractive,
Relationship Reality Check
Our priorities change.
For example, physical factors that catch our eye at first glance aren't necessarily what we want in the long run. Although women in one study preferred to date muscular men, they considered men with average body shapes to be more appealing candidates for marriage.
Perfection can be a turn-off.
We like people who are attractive and tal- ented, but we are uncomfortable around those who are too perfect. Let's face it: No one wants to look bad by comparison. And it's more important to be nice than to be flawless.
First impressions can mislead.
Evidence shows that we befriend people whose interests and attitudes seem similar to our own.
It's not all about communication, but it's a lot about communication.
The online dating service eHarmony matches couples based on "29 dimensions ofcompatibility," and other online dating sites make similar promises.
Types of Interpersonal Relationships
Family Relationship
Siblings
Sibling relationships involve an interwoven, and often paradoxical, collection of emotions. Children are likely to feel both intense loyalty and fierce competition with their brothers and sisters and to be both loving and antagonis- tic toward them.
Grandparents and Grandchildren
Grandparents often have the time and inclination to interact with younger members of the family. They can provide loving atten- tion and fun without having to scold or punish, and they can be caring and supportive listeners. It's a positive dynamic both sides can appreciate.
Parents and Children
We learn how to behave largely from our parents. At a more subtle level, we also learn from them how to think about the world around us and how to manage our emotions.
Romantic Partners
Love Languages
Acts of Service
Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Affirming Words
Stages of Romantic Relationships
Bonding
Differentiating
Integrating
Circumscribing
Intensifying
Stagnating
Experimenting
Avoiding
Initiating
Terminating
developmental models: (of relational maintenance) Theoretical frameworks based on the idea that communication patterns are different in various stages of interpersonal relationships.
A number of practical lessons emerge from the developmental perspective:
Relational development involves risk and vulnerability.
Partners can change the direction a relationship is headed.
Each stage requires different types of communication.
Male and Female Intimacy Styles
intimacy: A state of closeness between two (or sometimes more) people. Inti- macy can be manifested in several ways: physically, intellectually, emotionally, and via shared activities.
Friendship
Doing-Oriented Versus Being-Oriented
Some friends experience closeness "in the doing." That is, they enjoy performing tasks or attending events together and feel closer because of those shared experiences.
Low Obligation Versus High Obligation
There are some friends for whom we would do just about anything. For others, we may feel a lower sense ofobligation, both in terms ofwhat we would do for them and how quickly we would do it.
Low Disclosure Versus High Disclosure
Some of your friends know more about you than others. Self-disclosure is associated with greater levels of intimacy such that only a few confidants are likely to know your deepest secrets. But when it comes to even slightly less personal news, we are experiencing a revolution in terms of self-disclosure.
In-Person Versus Mediated
The average person has many more online friends than physical ones-double the amount, according to one report. Quantity isn't the only difference between mediated and offline friendships, however. It turns out that online-only friendships may carry a greater risk of deception or hostility.
Short-Term Versus Long-Term
Short-term friends tend to change as our lives do. We say goodbye because we move, graduate, switch jobs, or change lifestyles.
Frequent Contact Versus Occasional Contact
You probably keep in dose touch with some friends. Perhaps you work out, travel, social- ize, or Skype daily with them. Other friendships have less frequent contact- maybe an occasional phone call or text message.
Youthful Versus Mature.
Some elements of friendship hold true across the life span. For instance, self-disclosure is typical in close relationships from childhood to old age.
Same Sex Versus Other Sex
Friendship varies, to some extent, by sex. Same-sex friendships between men typically involve good-natured competition and a focus on tasks and events, whereas female friends tend to treat each other more as equals and to engage in emotional supportandself-disclosure.
Communication Patterns in Relationships
Self-Disclosure in Interpersonal Relationships
self-disclosure The process of deliberately revealing information about one- self that is significant and that would not normally be known by others.
Models of Self-Disclosure
Over several decades, social scientists have created various models to represent and understand how self-disclosure operates in relationships.
Social Penetration Model
Social psychologists Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor describe two ways in which communication can be more or less disdosive.proposes that communication occurs within two dimensions: (a) breadth, which represents the range of subjects being discussed; and (b) depth, how in- depth and personal the information is.
The Johari Window
A model that describes the relationship between self- disclosure and self-awareness.
Characteristics of Effective Self-Disclosure
Is the disclosure appropriate!
Is the risk of disclosing reasonable?
Is the other person important to youl
Is the disclosure relevant to the situation at hand?
Is the disclosure reciprocated?
Will the effect be constructive?
Is the self-disclosure clear and understandable?
Dialectical Perspective of Interpersonal Relationship
dialectical model: The perspective that people in virtually all interpersonal relationships must deal with equally important, simultaneous, and opposing forces such as connection and autonomy, predictability and novelty, and openness versus privacy.
Connection Versus Autonomy
The conflicting desires for connection and inde- pendence are embodied in the connection- autonomy dialectic. One of the most common reasons for breaking up is that one partner doesn't satisfy the other's need for connection
Openness Versus Privacy Disclosure is one characteristic of interpersonal relationships. Yet, along with the need for intimacy, your experience probably shows an equally important need for you to maintain some space between your- self and others. These sometimes-conflicting drives create the openness- privacy dialectic.
Predictability Versus Novelty
Stability is an important need in relationships, but too much predictability can lead to feelings ofstaleness and boredom. People differ in their own desire for stability and surprises from one time to another. The classic example is becoming engaged just before graduation or military deploy- ment, when life may seem particularly novel and uncertain.
Strategies for Managing Dialectical Tensions
Dialectical tensions are a fact of life in intimate relationships. But there are a number ofways people can deal with these.
Alternation
Polarization
Selection
Segmentation
Disorientation
Moderation
Denial
Reframing
Reaffirmation
People who understand the dialectical perspective can better appreciate several facets ofrelationship maintenance:
Partners can be in sync in some ways, but not in others.
Some approaches are more conducive to relational satisfaction.
Relationships involve continual change and negotiation.
Miscommunication
metacommunication: Messages (usually relational) that refer to other messages; communication about communication.
Content and Relational Messages
Virtually every verbal statement contains both a content message, which focuses on the subject being discussed, and a relational message, which makes a state- ment about how the parties feel toward one another.
content message: A message that communicates information about the subject being discussed.
relational message: A message that expresses the social relationship between two or more individuals.
affinity: The degree to which people like or appreciate one another. As with all relational messages, affinity is usually expressed nonverbally.
immediacy: The degree of interest and attraction we feel toward and communicate to others. As with all relational mes- sages, immediacy is usually expressed nonverbally.
control: The social need to influence others.
respect: The degree to which we hold others in esteem.
Lies and Evasions
Altruistic Lies
Deception intended to be unmalicious, or even helpful, to the person to whom it is told.
Evasions
Evasions Evasions aren't outright mistruths. Rather, they evade full disclosure by being deliberately vague. Often motivated by good intentions, evasions are based on the belief that less clarity can be beneficial for the sender, the receiver, or sometimes both.
Self-Serving Lies
Self-serving lies are attempts to manipulate the listener into believing something that is untrue-not primarily to protect the listener, but to advance the deceiver's agenda. For example, people might lie on their income tax returns or deny that they have been drinking if a cop pulls them over.
extra questions
What bothered or intrigued you?
This chapter basically makes me more aware of my interpersonal communication skills. The most important skill that might be useful in my daily life would probably be how to solve conflicts between my partner and I. There are lots of strategies provided in this chapter to do so and by just reading it, hence it really does intrigue me to apply those skills and strategies fir future references.
What confused you or made you want to find out more?
I don’t think that this chapter confuses me but I do want to learn more about it. I want to understand it better and hopefully try to apply it on my classwork groups.
What surprised you in the readings?
The reading really did surprise me because in the first glance, I don’t really think that interpersonal communication. I thought that it would be easy just to talk to our group members but after reading this chapter, I understand that there are plenty of steps that might enable more engagements from each group members. I really do think that the skill is very important so that when one day I would end up in a relationship I would understand better.