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Chapter 8: Managing Conflict in Interpersonal Relationship (Understanding…
Chapter 8: Managing Conflict in Interpersonal Relationship
Understanding Interpersonal Conflict
conflict
: an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals.
expressed struggle
there are times we fume to ourselves rather than expressing our frustration
perceived scarce resource
people often believe that there isn't enough of desired resource to go around.
this is one reason conflict so often involves money
interdependence
the parties in a conflict are usually dependent on each other
one of the frist step towards solving a conflict is to take the attitude that "we're in this together"
perceived incompatible goals
oftentimes goals are not as oppositional as they seem
Communication Climates in Interpersonal Relationships
communication climate
: the emotional tone of a relationship as it is expressed in the message that the partners send and receive
Confirming and disconfirming message
confirming message
: actions and words that express respect and show that we value the other person
show recognition
the most fundamental act of confirmation is to recognize the other person
acknowledge the person's thoughts and feelings
acknowledging the ideas and emotion of others in an even stronger form of confirmation than simply recognizing them
show that you agree
acknowledgement means you are interested in other people's idea, endorsement means that you agree with them.
endorsement means that you agree with them, which is the
disconfirming message
: words and actions that express a lack of caring or respect for another person
partner criticize each other
criticism
: a message that is personal, all-encompassing, and accustory
partner show contempt
contempt
: verbal and nonverbal messages that ridicule or belittle the other person
one or both partners engaging in stonewalling
stonewalling
: refusing to engage with the other person
partners are defensive
defensiveness
: protecting their self-worth by counterattacking
How communication climates develop
relational spiral
: a reciprocal communication pattern in which each person's message reinforces the other's
positive spiral
one partner's confirming message leads to a positive response from the other person
negative spiral
they leave the partners feeling worse about themselves and each other
escalatory spirals
: a reciprocal of communication in which message either confirming or disconfirming, between two or more communicators reinforce one another
avoidance spirals
: a communication spiral in which the parties slowly reduce their dependence on one another, withdraw, and become less invested in the relationship
I like this part the most because I am fascinated by how experts categorize all the messages into different kinds, and it is really helpful to understand the benefit of each.
Approaches to Conflict
Styles of expressing conflict
direct aggression
: a message that attacks the position and perhaps the dignity of the receiver
can be hurtful, and the consequences for the relationship can be long-lasting
passive aggression
: an indirect expression of aggression, delivered in a way that allows the sender to maintain a facade of kindness
guiltmakers tried to make you feel bad
jokers use humor as a weapon
pseudoaccommodators pretend to agree with you
trivial tyrannizers do small things to drive you crazy
withholders keep back something valuable
indirect communication
: hinting at message instead of expressing thoughts and feelings directly
conveys a message in a roundabout manner in order to save face for the recipient.
involves more initiative than nonassertion
assertion
: a style of communicating that directly expresses the sender's needs, thoughts, or feelings
having the attitude that most of the time it is possible to resolve problems to everyone's satisfaction
nonassertion
: the inability or unwillingness to express one's thoughts or feelings
sometimes comes from a lack of confidence or the lack of awareness to use a more direct means of expression
gender and conflict styles
origins of gender differences
biology explains sone of the difference between the way males and females deal with conflict. During disagreements, men tend to experience greater physiological arousal than woman, which comes in form if increased heart rate and blood pressure
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I actually have an personal experience about this, there is once a time that my group are irritated by another team, but we can do nothing about it, thus a few male groupmates on our team
commonalities
social expectations change over time and stereotypes do not always apply. the qualities men and women have in common far outnumbered their difference
conflict dilemmas
women face a double standard: they may be judged more harshly than men if they are assertive.
Characteristics of an assertive message
describe your feelings
expressing your feelings adds dimension to a message, and it makes the assertive message clearer
describe the consequences
a consequence statement explains what happens as a result of the behavior you have described, your interpretation and the ensuing feeling
share your interpretation of the other person's behavior
the key is to label your hunches as such instead of suggesting that you are positive about what the other person's behavior means
state your intentions
intention statements are the final element in the assertive format, they communicate three kinds of messages: where you stand on an issue; request of others; description of how you plan to act in the future
describe the behavior in question
an assertive description is specific without being evaluating or judgmental
Conflict in Online Communication
disinhibition
the absence of face-to-face contact can make it easy to respond aggressively, without considering the consequence until it's too late
permanence
because email and text messages comes in written form, there's a permanent "transcript" that doesn't exist when communicators deal with conflict face-to-face
delay
the asynchronous nature of most mediated channels means that communicators aren't obliged to respond immediately to one another
cultural influences on conflict
the ways people communicate during conflicts vary widely from one culture to another.
The kind of rational, calm, yet assertive approach that is the ideal for European American disagreements is not the norm in some other cultures.
managing interpersoanl conflicts
steps in win-win problem solving
check the other's understanding
solicit your parter's needs
describe your needs and problems
check the understanding of your partner's need
make a date
discuss the ways to meet your common goals
explore your unmet needs
follow up on the solution
Identify your problem
methods for conflict resolution
win-lose
: an approach to conflict resolution in which one party reaches his or her goal at the expense of the other
lose-lose
: an approach to conflict resolution in which neither party achieves its goal
win-win
: an approach to conflict resolution in which parties work together to satisfy all their goals
compromise
: an approach to conflict resolution in which both parties attain at least part of what the seek by giving something up