“Like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman.” (Nana, pg. 7)

In this quote, Nana is expressing the man's, namely Jalil, failure to accept responsibility for his actions. She expresses the frustration in having to accept that the woman will always take the blame and even be punished or abandoned for it. It saddens me to think there are women in other cultures who do not have the freedom to live their lives in justice and equality--something we sometimes take for granted.

Why does Nana feel that a man will always place blame on the women and how does it affect her relationship with Marium

How do you think Mariam's and Nana's relationship would have been different had Mariam been born in the United States.

"Nor was she old enough to appreciate the injustice, to see that it is the creators of the harami who are culpable, not the harami, whose only sin is being born.” (Housseni, pg. 4).

I believe this shows that Mariam was conditioned from a very young age to believe that she is a burden, unwanted, unworthy, and justified in feeling guilt for her own existence. I cannot imagine feeling such burden and emotions before even truly beginning life. From the very beginning, Mariam has obstacles and biases in her path that women in Western cultures don't really have to overcome, which is heartbreaking.

I think that Mariam felt a tremendous amount of guilt, believing that it is her fault that Nana hung herself due to her disobedience. On top of that, Mariam acutally sees Nana hanging from the tree, further traumatizing her and reinforcing the idea that she is worthless. It would be very difficult for anyone to overcome such trajedy and guilty, especially in a culture in which women are viewed as objects.

"All she could hear was Nana saying, “I’ll die if you go. I’ll just die.”' (Housseni, Pg. 38).

What must Mariam feel her options are regarding her relationship with Rasheem given her culture and the scars of her past?

“There was something vaguely unsettling about the way Rasheed seemed to loom over the woman” (Housseini, 84).

I think that Mariam is probably reliving a cycle of abuse. She was abused her entire life and made to think she was nothing, a mistake and burden even. And now, as she looks at the picture of Rasheed and his former wife, I think that she feels something in her gut that that is familiar to her--a feeling of captivity as she relates to the woman in the photograph who seems to want nothing more than to pull away from Rasheed’s grasp as he stands behind his former wife, grasping both her shoulders.

“Now you know what you’ve given me in this marriage. Bad food, and nothing else” (Rasheed, 104)

How was the relationship Mariam had with Nana similar and different than Mariam’s relationship with Rasheed?

Rasheed says this to Mariam in a bout of abuse towards her, blaming her for not being able to carry a child. This shows that the cycle of abuse is continuing for Mariam from the experiences from Nana throughout her childhood and into adulthood with Rasheem. Mariam is afraid of Rasheem to the point that she will do whatever he wants, even if it means physical harm to herself. She must feel trapped and like there is no way out for her because she has always been taught and shown that she is nothing and deserving of no human decency.

Why does Laila still want to go back to Afghanistan after it took her so long to escape all the pain she suffered there?

As Laila leaves to go back to Afghanistan, she wonders if she is making a mistake. At the same time, she thinks that Mariam’s sacrifice would be in vain if she didn’t go back to Afghanistan to help rebuild and make a real difference. She remembers when her father quotes the poem about Kabul. The poem refers to the moon and the thousand splendid suns “behind her walls”. I think that this is meant to symbolize the hope that still remains in the country, given there are people there to shine that hope all around.

“And then, from the darkened spirals of her memory, rise two lines of poetry, Babi’s farewell ode to Kabul: One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs, Or the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls” (Housseini, pg. 392).

As Mariam is getting older, she yearns to learn, to go to school and get an education. While Mullah Fazulah understands the importance and desire to learn, Nana sees it as a waste of time as she already knows that the kind of life that women in their culture live is one of endurance, to just make it through the sacrifice their lives will always be to the men who oppress them. This foreshadows the theme of the entire book--that not only Mariam, but also Laila and her children end up living lives of endurance.

How would Mariam's outlook on life and her further actions have changed if she would have fully understood the lesson her mother was trying to teach her?

"There is only one, only one skill a woman ike you and me needs in life, and they don't teach it in school" (Nana, pg. 18).

If Laila had not been pregnant, do you think she would have agreed to marry Rasheed?

During this time, Laila is contemplating whether or not to marry Rasheed after her parents had died and she realizes she is pregnant. But she decides to "endure" what she must for the sake of her child and the link that child represents to Tariq and a happy life. I think these moments are important in the book because it shows the difference between the manner in which Mariam came to be in bondage and the way that Laila came to be in bondage to Rasheed. Mariam had absolutely no choice in the matter. She was abandoned by her father and forced to marry Rashed. Laila did ultimately have a choice but made the decision to allow herself to be captive because she loved her child enough to make the sacrafice. Laila's baby gave her something to hold onto--hope. Mariam had no such crutch to get her through the pain and abuse. at least not until she formed a bond with Laila and then with Laila's children. Mariam then saw them as her family and a reason to hold on and survive.

"But miraculously, something of her former life remained, her last link to the person that she had been before she had become so utterly alone. A part of Tariq still alive inside her, sprouting tiny arms, growing translucent hands. How could she jeopardize the only thing she had left of him, of her old life" (Housseni, pg. 219)?

In the moments before Mariam's execution, she can reconcile and accept her impending death because of Laila and her children. They had been a family to her and given her the love and the purpose to life she had always wanted. She is able to accept it because she knows she protected her family and given them a chance at happiness. Her life had been nothing but disappointment and hardship until Laila and her children came along. And knowing that she rose up from being a nobody to being the protector, mother, and friend who made a real positive difference in their lives gave her all she needed to be able to say that she lived a full and purposeful life. She had endured just as her mother warned her was her only purpose in life. But in the end, she left her mark on the world.

"She thought of her entry into this world, the harami child of a lowly villager, and unintended thing, a pitiable, regrettable accident. A weed. and yet she was leaving the world as a woman who had loved and been loved back. She was leaving it as a friend, a companion, a guardian. A mother. A person of consequence at last" (Housseni, pg. 370).

What did Mariam's sacrifice teach Laila about life as an Afghani woman?