Listening
The Value of Listening
Misconceptions about Listening
Overcoming Challenges to Effective Listening
Types of Listening
Listening and Social Support
People with good listening skills are more likely than others to be hired and promoted.
Listening is a leadership skill.
Good listeners are not easily fooled.
Asking for and listening to advice makes you look good.
Listening makes you a better friend and romantic partner.
"Listening and Hearing are the Same Thing"
"Listening is a Natural Process"
Hearing - the process wherein sound waves strike the eardrum and cause vibrations that are transmitted to the brain
Listening - the process wherein the brain reconstructs electrochemical impulses generated by hearing into representations of the original sound and giving them meaning
Steps to Listening
Attending - the process of focusing on certain stimuli from the environment
Understanding - the act of interpreting a message by following syntactic, semantic, and pragmatic rules
Responding - providing observable feedback to another person's behavior or speech
Remembering - the act of recalling previously introduced information
Listening Fidelity - the degree of congruence between what a listener understands and what the message sender was attempting to communicate
Residual Message - the part of a message a receiver can recall after short and long-term memory loss
Listening is a skill
Mindful Listening - being fully present with people -- paying close attention to their gestures, manner, and silences as well as to what they say
"All Listeners Receive the Same Message"
Many factors shape how we perceive messages.
Reasons for Poor Listening
Message Overload - the amount of information we intake everyday makes careful listening impossible.
Rapid Thought - we have a great deal of mental "spare time" to spend while someone is talking.
Psychological Noise - we're often wrapped in personal concerns that are of more immediate importance to us than the messages others are sending.
Physical Noise - the world in which we live often presents distractions that make it hard to pay attention to others.
Hearing Problems - sometimes a person's hearing problem.
Cultural Differences - the behaviors that define a good listener vary by culture.
Media Influences - the influence of contemporary mass media discourages focused attention that is necessary for careful listening.
Faulty Listening Habits
Hearing loss at old age
I frequently use my earbuds and I think it might be affecting my hearing.
"Americans are most impressed by listeners who ask questions and make supportive statements."
Heavy traffic can drown out speech.
I frequently listen to music and sometimes it obstructs my ability to listen to others.
News items, commercials, music videos...
We pretend to listen.
Pseudolistening - an imitation of true listening
We tune in and out.
Selective Listening - a listening style in which the receiver responds only to messages that interest him or her
We defend ourselves.
Defensive Listening - a response style in which the receiver perceives a speaker's comments as an attack
We avoid the issue.
Insulated Listening - a style in which the receiver ignores undesirable information
Ambushing - a style in which the receiver listens carefully to gather information to use in an attack on the speaker
We miss the underlying point.
Insensitive Listening - the failure to recognize the thoughts or feelings that are not directly expressed by the speaker, and instead accepting the speaker's words at face value
We tend to be self-centered.
Consider who has control in the conversation.
Conversational Narcissists - people who focus on themselves and their interests instead of listening and encouraging others
Stage Hog - people who are overly invested in being the center of attention
We assume that talking is more impressive than listening.
The key to success sometimes seems to be speaking well, but good listening skills are just as important.
I admit to being this sometimes.
Task-Oriented Listening - a listening style that is primarily concerned with accomplishing the task at hand
Look for key ideas
Ask Questions
Paraphrase
Take Notes
Relational Listening - a listening style that is driven primarily by the concern to build emotional closeness with the speaker
Finding the thesis can help you understand the main message of the speaker.
Questioning - an approach in which the receiver overly seeks additional information from the sender
Sincere question - a question posed with the genuine desire to learn from another person
Counterfeit question - a question that is not truly a request for new information
Paraphrasing - feedback in which the receiver rewords the speaker's thoughts and feelings
Taking notes can help you remember.
Take Time
Encouraging others to share their thoughts and feelings can take time.
Listen to Unexpressed Thoughts and Feelings
When relationship building is the goal, it can be valuable to listen for unexpressed messages.
Encourage Further Comments
You can strengthen relationships simply by encouraging others to say more.
Analytical Listening - listening in which the primary goal is to fully understand the message, prior to any evaluation
Listen to Information Before Evaluating
All of us are guilty of judging a speaker's ideas before we completely understand them.
Separate the Message from the Speaker
Becoming irritated with the bearer of unpleasant information may not only cause you to miss important information but also harm your relationships.
Search for Value
You can profit from listening opportunistically to worthless communication.
Critical Listening - listening in which the goal is to evaluate the quality or accuracy of the speaker's remarks
Examine the Speaker's Evidence and Reasoning
Examining a speaker's evidence and reasoning may help you better understand how or even if their argument holds (logical fallacies)
Evaluate the Speaker's Credibility
The acceptability of an idea often depends on its source.
Examine Emotional Appeals
It's a mistake to let yourself be swayed by emotion when logic of a point isn't sound.
Supportive Listening - the reception approach to use when others seek help for personal dilemmas
Online Social Support
In online communities, strangers can share interests and concerns and potentially gain support from one another.
Gender and Social Support
Women often support each other through empathy, connectedness, and solidarity
Men often support each other through offering solutions or distractions.
Types of Supportive Responses
Advising Response - helping response in which the receiver offers suggestions about how the speaker should deal with a problem
Judging Response - a reaction in which the receiver evaluates the sender's message either favorably or unfavorably
Analyzing Statement - a helping style in which the listener offers an interpretation of a speaker's message
Questioning Response - a response that can help others think about their problems and understand them more clearly
Comforting - a response style in which a listener reassures, supports, or distracts the person seeking help
Agreement
Offers to help
Praise
Reassurance
Diversion
Acknowledgement
"You're right -- the landlord is being unfair"
"I'm here if you need me."
"You're amazing."
"I'll know you'll do a great job."
"Let's catch a movie and get your mind off this."
"I can see that really hurts."
Prompting - using silence and brief statements of encouragement to draw out a speaker
Reflecting - listening that helps the person speaking hear and think about the words just spoken
When and How to Help
The Situation
The Other Person
Your Strengths/Weaknesses
Advice is most welcomed when it has been clearly requested and when the advisor seems concerned with respecting the face needs of the recipient.
Judgement is good when...
Your judgement is genuinely constructive and not designed as a put-down.
"Maybe the problem started with the..."
The person with the problem has requested an evaluation from you.
"She's doing it because..."
"I think what's really bothering you is..."
What surprised you in the readings?
I didn't think reflecting would be a form of supportive response.
What confused you or made you want to find out more?
I'm really interested in how to better develop the skill of detecting logical fallacies during critical listening. I think it is important to be able to recognize faulty arguments so that people wouldn't get able to away with it.
What bothered you?
I'm bothered by the fact that my hearing might be damaged due to how much I use my earbuds.