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what? (what do i enjoy making? (its important to me that im making things…

- - - - considering the things i am interested in making though, i mean there is also meaning to parse from the things im choosing to draw anyway. and thats the fun! cause im making the shit and then after when someone asks "why though?" thats when i take a step back and im like... yeah... why did i do that?
    - - and why does work need to speak to large, big, heavy
        topics anyway? why cant work be more of a reflection/introspection on the self? like, why do we need to save reflections of artists through their work for scholars that are writing papers after said artist has died? why cant an artist do that for themselves?
        
        and then theres the whole idea of 'why does work need to be related to anything' which i am also a fan of, but i think i accept that it is impossible to make art that is disconnected in every way from the artist. i mean, you made it for a reason, whether it was an interest in the subject matter, the medium, technique, process, etc.
  - - - and maybe thats why things we feel like we NEED to make can feel so miserable. because the source is not as innate as "my brain like this thing i make this", its theres a deeper, inner reason. is this why 'pagtiis' is so frustrating? is it really my truest expression of what i want to make? or does that shit stem from guilt or something? an outside force? how can i separate what inner feeling is actually external vs. ones that truly are internal?
- - - - "i was already cooking/raising a family at 7"
        "youre ungrateful
    - - All trauma is not equal but we all go through some shit. How do we categorize "trauma" vs "inconvenience"?
        
        Do all bad days look the same?
- - - - end of february - having wall-collages established. have all animals "done"
        
        middle of february - animals should all be about 75% of the way to being visually done (decorated, etc)
        
        start of february - any props in the scene should be built/halfway. that means book, pillows, any plants that will be included should be found/constructed
        
        end of january - wall-collages should commence
        
        mid january - working on decoration of sculpture as well as putting the pieces into the mapped places of the space.
        
        start of january - decoration of animals is full-speed ahead.
        
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