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Barking Up The Wrong Tree (Work, work, work... or work-life balance ?…
Barking Up The Wrong Tree
Does playing by the Rules pay off ?
In life there are often no clear rules.
Society rewards the expertise in one skill.
Following the rules eliminates both extremes : good and bad.
For an hopeful monster to succeed, he really needs the environment most suited to his abilities :
Pick the Right Pond.
Which companies, institutions and situation value what I do ?
Good is merely average. To be great we must be different. It doesn't come from trying to follow society's vision of what is best, because society doesn't always know what it needs.
Know your signature strenghts, embrace your flaws and find a good fit : "What are you good at that consistently produces desired results ?"
Do Nice Guys finish last ?
People see effort as the number-one predictor of success, but research shows it's the worst. Apparences are all that matter.
What you boss thinks of you is far more important than actual work : choose a boss whom you will get along with.
Know what you want and be assertive about your results.
Tit for Tat is a good strategy.
The best way to punish Takers in the office is gossip.
Do Quitters Never Win and Winners Never Quit ?
Pessimism is just helplessness - and depression is just pessimism writ large. Optimism is always delusional, but it is useful.
A man who becomes conscious of the responsability he bears towards a human being who waits/depends on him or to an unfinished work will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the "why" for his existence, and wil be able to bear almost any "how".
Stories remind us how to behave and help us persist. They make us more prosocial.
How do you find your story ? Just think about your death.
Differenciate résumé values and eulogy values.
We are what we pretend to be, so make sure to be the main character in your perfect story.
Willpower gets depleted if there is a struggle - but games change the struggle to something else.
What is it that make something a game and not just a pain in the ass ?
Winnable
Failure doesn't disappoint us. It makes us happy in a particular way : excited, interested, optimistic. You have control in a game.
Novel Challenges
Zero failure means zero fun.
Create engagement.
Goals
You can't get what you want until you take the time to decide what you want.
Feedback
Research shows the most motivating thing is progress in meaninful work.
Consistant small wins are even better at producing happiness than occasionnaly bagging an elephant.
Actively seek feedback and ajust accordingly.
Everything we do in life is a trade-off - whenever you wish you had more time/money, strategic quitting is the best answer.
Lucky people just try stuff. They maximize opportunities, They don't dwell and failure - they see the good from the bad and learn from it.
Fail fast, fail cheap. Sheer quantity ultimately leads to quality. Trying stuff outside of your field of expertise is corelated with big achievements.
Dreaming does not bring you your desires ; it actually hurts your chances of getting what you want. It gives us the reward before we've accomplished the task and saps the energy we need to realize it.
WOOP method
What's the thing that you
wish
for ?
What is the actual
outcome
?
What
obstacle
is in the way ?
What's your
plan
?
Flexible optimism : Being a little pessimistic at times keeps us honest. But when the risks are very low or the rewards are ver high, optimism is the way to go.
Is it what you know or who you know ?
Extraversion is much correlated with being a leader. Introverts are far more likely to become experts in their field.
Networking can be learnt, and it doesn't have to feel gross or fake. We like it when it feels like an accident, not something deliberate.
Look for opportunities to do something for the other person : sharing knowledge or introducing someone.
Networking is about personal relationships.
Look for similarity. Show a genuine interest in something you both have in common.
Warmth > Competence
Start with the friends you already have.
Join a group of the type of people you want to become.
Workers least likely to develop workplace friendships are also the least likely to get promoted.
Real mentoring results come from informal mentors.
Never ask a mentor a question Google can easily answer for you.
It's on you to keep the blood flowing.
Make them proud.
If people don't notice, you're doing something wrong. You're either not working hard enough or not doing enough outreach.
Gratitude is the quality that makes people want to spend more time with you.
Believe in yourself... Sometimes
It's better to be too confident than not confident enough.
Successful people are confident. They have an internal locus of control. They see their success as a function of their own motivation and ability - not luck, random chance or fate. They carry this belief even when luck does play a crucial role in success.
Displaying overconfidence makes others feel you're both competent and higher in status.
Faking it seems, to a degree, to just be part of good people management. The secret of leadership is the ability to play a role.
Faking it can be a very bad strategy, because when you fool others you can end up fooling yourself.
Incomptence is frustrating, but can't screw things bad. Overconfidence can do much more damage.
Confidence makes it very hard to improve. To be the very best at anything, you will need to be your harshest critic.
We need optimism and confidence to keep going and convince others to join our cause, but negativity and pessimism help us see problems so we can make them better. Yes, the former feels much better, but both are necessary.
What if you throw the confidence paradigm in the trash ?
Self-compassion : stop lying to yourself that you're so awesome. Instead, focus on forgiving yourself when you're not.
Recognize your failures and frustrations without either denying them or seeing them as the end of the world. No rationalizing or melodrama. Then do something about them.
When challenged, focus on improving your skills - not doing well or looking good.
Work, work, work... or work-life balance ?
Keys of corporate success ? Energy and stamina.
An IQ of 120 is necessary to have groundbreaking results - but past that point, all that matter is hard work.
Hours alone aren't enough - those hours need to be hard.
Success benefits often are outweighted by the negatives in terms of happiness and stress.
Meaningful work means doing something that's important to you, and that you are good at. The best way to do it is using your signature strenghts : they're some of the biggest happiness-boosting activities of all.
Having a job you dislike can be even worse than unemployment.
Satisfaction forever eludes people who want control on everything.
People who survive stres the best increase their social investments in the middle of stress.
Burnout and depression are the same thing : helplessness.
Creativity comes from being relaxed, not stressed.
Sleeping doesn't just affect how tired you are or how clearly you think. When we're exhausted, our brains can't help but focus on the negative.
Power hours are the two hours next to wake-up time.
Our job isn't to be a machine, it's to give machines something brilliant to do.
Those of us who aren't in our dream job have far more to lose and less to gain from long hours.
Expectations are now so high that they can't be met.
"We've all been raised to believe that one day we would be millionaires, and rock stars, but we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
We love having choices. We hate making choices.
High attainers don't have good relationships, which creates stress and anxiety.
Sometimes we need to relax and have fun to be at our best.
Productivity declines over 55 hours of work a week.
Plain and simple : when you are tired it's harder to stay happy.
Be a chooser instead of a picker, but a satisficer rather than a maximizer.
What matters most
Happiness : pleasure, satisfaction
Achievement : winning
Significance : Counting to other perople you care about
Legacy
The most important thing when it comes to success : alignment
Between who you are and who you choose to be.
The right skill in the right role.
Your relationships are what brings you happiness.
WOOP
Wish
(desired) Outcome
Obstacles
Plan
En faire un jeu
Winnable
Novel Challenges (levels)
Clear goals
Frequent feedback