Happy to get up – define the problem and set up how you plan to explore it
- Self-help progress leading to ikigai search
The one thing I've already done this year that's made everything easier and why
Getting up immediately after my alarm goes off
How this came about
Why does this work?
Gets rid of the thinking/prevarication/mulling over what I 'have' to do today
Stops me from dwelling on not having slept well
Gets rid of any decision-making spirals
Am I going to get up and make a cup of tea/sort out the veg box/do some work on my project/get started on work early/go out for a walk
This will lead to inaction
Makes me feel less mopey/morningy
How does this work?
The alarm tone I chose – CUE
I then immediately put on Shaun's show on BBC Sounds
I wash before going to bed and have my clothes ready for me and I put them straight after I put Shaun on and Pete's put the light on
When the alarm goes I immediately sit up
Still get the cuddles!
Stops the both of us from cuddling in the bed which means that the very last thing on the planet we want to do is to get out of this perfect embrace in this warm and lovely bed!
Warmth and loveliness – REWARD
What I used to do
Why I stopped
I wasn't getting enough sleep
While the meditation routine was good and I'm glad I instilled that practice, in the long term I prefer to integrate it into my walking and other daily opportunities, like when waking up early
It wasn't getting me the result I wanted – I wasn't making real progress towards my goals and I didn't really know what I wanted
I wasn't getting maximal time with Pete/doing one of the things I most love doing in the world
It's easier to then unembrace and get on our way at a set time when we're already up and out of bed and warmly dressed
The cuddles do make it harder to get up than if we just skipped them, but we have priorities people! And we are probably one of the most soppy couples in the world.
What ikigai is
What's missing: what you love to do
How can you go about fixing not knowing what you love to do?
How do you make yourself do it for the first time?
Fed up of it being so difficult to get up + knowledge that I used to find it easier but not being happy with either option (of the old way vs the current way)
Partially the loss of my favourite breakfast show host: a change that made me think about what I could do differently otherwise
The trigger of the new year
Think about what you liked doing as a kid - this is a classic trick but for those of us who don't know what we love, this might be harder.
Why is this missing?
A bit of pop-psychology here but I hypothesise that those of us who struggle with this also struggled with a fear of failure that stemmed from incidents in our childhood
What effects did this have?
What caused this?
Not wanting to try. This was to avoid embarrassment and protect myself from feeling stupid
A habit of avoidance
Incident with mum's embarrassment at the local play I was in as a kid
Incident with my primary school teacher re the board-copying exercise: "What's wrong with you? It's so simple – all you have to do is copy exactly what's on the board!"
Influences of what it meant to be successful as a female of the species
Although I didn't realise it at the time, it's clear now that the general culture that I absorbed as a child through books, TV, and people's attitudes in general was that good looks were the most important success factor for women
However I absorbed that message, the effect was that I spent much of my later childhood and teenage years worrying about how I looked and spending far too much time trying not to look ugly and/or worrying about being ugly
Among this morass of self-doubt, self-loathing and avoidance of embarrassment, I still did some things! The things that stand out in my memories are:
Enjoying making things: textiles, woodwork, metalwork (still have the spinning top I made), cooking and, at primary school, making things out of clay (I loved my clay hedgehog)
Singing in our house choirs for the inter-house competition. I think the first and only time I've felt part of such a big enterprise (in terms of numbers of people) where we all, despite starting off all negative and sceptical about the competition, came together as a group, practised consistently and went from being a disorderly mess to making a surprisingly beautiful sound together. We won the competition and felt a sense of real achievement and camaraderie. This was really unusual!
Studying philosophy at university: I loved that this subject went so much deeper than anything I had done before. Doing philosophy was like being on a search for truth, and made you question everything, including what knowledge is and what makes something true or false.
Roaming outside in the countryside: I'd be out for hours on end just exploring.
Duke of Edinburgh expeditions: again I loved roaming the countryside. It was also fun walking in teams and learning each other's strengths and weaknesses and supporting each other through the long and tough treks. In one team all four of us slept squished up together in the same tent to help keep each other warm in the freezing night. Again, I felt a real sense of achievement and camaraderie in this group.
What are the clues or patterns you can glean from what you used to love to do?
I loved roaming outdoors in the countryside
I loved making useful and attractive things with my hands
I loved achieving things in groups
I loved when I learned to learn and achieved something on my own
I loved looking beyond the day to day to explore knowledge and ethics at their foundations to attempt to understand what they mean and what we can validly know in life
What could you try doing differently as a result of these observations? Hey
I could try making things with my hands again. I love beautiful ceramics, so I would like to have a go at making pottery and see how that feels and where it takes me.
I already walk to/from work, which is an 8-mile round-trip and Pete and I go out trekking pretty much every time we go away. Beyond that, we could move out of London and have more access to the countryside and more opportunities to roam.
People complain that philosophy is pointlessly academic (or they have no idea what it is), but I found it to be highly practical help me to improve my logical thinking skills and this was also the first time in my life that I learned how to learn and, as a result, allowed myself to work hard without fearing failure. I really gave my all, and it earned me a first in my final year's exams.
I could work closely with a team again with joint goals that we work towards together and feel a sense of achievement as a group once we've achieved our goals.
I could explore my liking for looking beyond the surface of issues by writing about issues of concern to myself and others