family:
--I don't care how old they are. I love them and if someone hurts them, I get angry. Doesn't matter it they are older than me, they are like my little brothers and sisters.
--it's easy to take care of siblings, it's hard to control them when they are older
--family is poor, we don't have nothing to eat. Until you guys helped us. And I'm really thankful. Sometimes it's just hard.
--cousin committed suicide. "I don't know why. She never tell. Ever since she hanged herself, like dead stuff it got bad.
--abuse by dad in that past, but now he says he's changed. But to me, it doesn't feel like it. He keeps drinking.
--And my mom has cancer and he doesn't even care. I tried to make him stop drinking, I just got tired of it. I tell my dad if he keeps going to be like this, I'm going to kill myself. He thinks that I'm lying. My mom had to put me in the hospital because I tried a bunch of times. She saw cuts on my arms and I begged her not to tell my dad, because we knew what he would do. But my sister told my dad, so I got beat up again.
--I can't trust my grandma. I can't tell her nothing. All she do is get mad at me and my sisters.
narratives:
- brother goes out and get sickies // Beth doesn't like that and makes her mad. Sometimes, she fights them if it gets serious
- abuse by dad// --my dad used to beat me with anything he finds. I tell him the truth but he don't believe me no more. No one knew what happened when I was a child.
When I tell people , people go around and spread rumors.
- most important people are family and friends // my brothers and sisters on my birthday get me something. My mom tries to get me something, but my dad finds out. My dad, all he gives me are spankings on my birthday. "I try to make you so happy, proud, but now it seems like you don't care for me, love me, or anything like that. "
- Fights with cousins; ganging little sister
reflections: Ever since he said I'm a mistake, I talk to him but then, I never look at him. I just talk to him on the phone. My mom says that if I don't see my dad, I'm going to have to stay with him. But, once she said that, I said that if I am going to stay with him, I am going to kill myself. Now we are all staying with my dad. I try so hard, I've tried to quit school for him, but instead, he wanted something else. I don't know what it is. So he always puts my sister before me. Like, I'm always left out of everything. I never went to a carnival, she had. I never did anything. And, last year was the first year I ever went to a carnival. And I don't even think I'm going to go this year. My mom bought me tickets because I missed out my whole life. I don't even... I don't even know like, it feels like I don't know my dad no more.