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Types Of Economic Systems (Command Economy (An economy where trade is…
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Two Pirates: Dinghy off the port bow. Dinghy off the port bow! [off-screen] Dinghy off the port bow!
One Pirate: Captain, dinghy off the... [He is slammed in the face by a door as the captain walks on deck]
Captain: Dinghy. [Lets the pirate in the dinghy onto the ship, along with the trunk]
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Pirate Formerly on the Dinghy: It's right here, captain.
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French Narrator: Hey, wait a minute.
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Female Fish: [off-screen] Look, there he is.
SpongeBob: Talk to me, Krabs.
Phil: I'm really scared here, man.
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SpongeBob: [Puts on gloves.] You got a family, Phil? [Phil chokes over his words, unable to speak. SpongeBob snaps.] Come on, Phil, stay with me. Let's hear about that family.
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SpongeBob: [Puts on a headset from the briefcase.] That's what it's all about. I want you to do me a favor, Phil.
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[Honk continues from dream, the screen now shows SpongeBob in his bedroom. He turns off his honking foghorn alarm clock.]
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[The scene is zooming to Squidward's house, and then cuts to Squidward in his bathroom]
Squidward: ♪La da dee, la da doo, la da dum, La da dee, la da doo, la da dum.♪
Squidward and SpongeBob: [In unision] ♪La da dee, la da doo, la da dum, La da d...♪
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SpongeBob: ♪...ee, la da doo, la da dum, Bum Bum Bum, Da da da...♪
Squidward: [interrupts him, and covers himself] SpongeBob! What are you doing in here?
SpongeBob: I have to tell you something, Squidward.
Squidward: Whatever it is, can't it wait until we get to work?
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SpongeBob: Okay. I'll see you at the ceremony. [Runs into Patrick, who comes out of his rock]
SpongeBob: Oh, thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party till we're purple.
Patrick: Oh, I love being purple!
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Patrick: Good luck, SpongeBob. Hey, lok for me at the ceremony. I got a little surprise for you. ♪I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah.♪ [Bounces away]
[The scene cuts to a large crowd gathered in front of the Krusty Krab. Perch Perkins is on TV, reporting]
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Karen: Don't get worked up again, Plankton, I just mopped the floors.
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Plankton: Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet.
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Plankton: [Searches through cabinet] W, X, Y, Z. [Grabs Plan Z] Plan Z! Here it is, just like you said.
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SpongeBob: I'm ready, promotion... I'm ready, promotion...
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Plankton: Not in something, on someone, you twit!
SpongeBob: Well, good luck with that. [Runs off] I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.
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[Later, Mr. Krabs is at a stand in front of the Krusty Krab 2. The crowd is still gathered there, seated]
Mr. Krabs: Welcome. Welcome, everyone, to the grand opening of The Krusty Krab 2! [The crowd applauds]
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Mr. Krabs: Now, before we begin with the ribbon-cutting, I'd like to announce the name of our new manager.
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Mr. Krabs: Yes. Well, anyway... The new manager is a loyal, hard-working employee.
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Mr. Krabs: Please welcome our new manager...Squidward Tentacles! [A banner falls with Squidward's face on it]
Mr. Krabs: Uh, SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob! You didn't get the job!
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Mr. Krabs: Lad, I mean this in the nicest of ways, but there's a word for what you are, and that word is... now, let's see...
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Mr. Krabs: No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork.
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Mr. Krabs: Closer, but no, no, no.
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SpongeBob: I guess so, Mr. Krabs.
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Patrick: Let's hear it for SpongeBob! Hello? Where'd everybody go? Did I miss something? Did you see my butt?
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[Later that evening, Plankton is traveling through the sky on his jetpack. He stops in front of a giant castle]
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Neptune: So, you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown?
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Prisoner: But it's my job, Your Highness. I'm the royal crown polisher.
Neptune: Well, then I guess I can't execute you. Twenty years in the dungeon it is.
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Crown Polisher: Bless you, Princess Mindy. [runs away]
Neptune: Mindy, how dare you defy me?!
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Mindy: Father, I wish you'd try a little love and compassion instead of these harsh punishments.
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Mindy: Dad, your "crown"...
Neptune: What the...? [Discovers that his crown is missing] My crown! Aah! Someone has stolen the royal crown!
Goofy Goober Clock: Hey, all you Goobers, it's time to say howdy to your favorite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober.
Kids: Howdy, Goofy Goober!
Goofy Goober: Hey, fellow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing.
Goofy Goober: ♪Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah.♪
Goofy Goober and Kids: ♪Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah!♪
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SpongeBob: All right. Get it together, old boy. I know. I'll just stop thinking about it. Hey, you know, I actually feel a little better. I don't even remember why I was sad.
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Patrick: Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab 2 manager! [SpongeBob starts crying again] Wow, the pressure's already setting in.
SpongeBob: No, Pat, you don't understand. I didn't get the promotion.
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Patrick: Well, saying you're a kid, it's like saying I'm a kid! [Waiter walks up to him handing him a Goober Meal]
Waiter: Here's your Goober Meal, sir.
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SpongeBob: [sighs] I'm gonna head home, Pat. The celebration's off.
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SpongeBob: A Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh? I guess I could use one of those.
Patrick: Now you're talking. Hey, waiter, we need another one over here.
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SpongeBob: Boy, Pat, that hit the spot. I'm feeling better already.
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[All three faint. The next morning, SpongeBob wakes up to find the waiter trying to get him up]
Waiter: [To SpongeBob] Hey. Hey, get up. Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home. Come on, pal.
SpongeBob: [After recovering] Oh, my head. [He looks drunk]
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[At the Krusty Krab 2, Mr. Krabs is pinning the manager pin on Squidward's shirt. Then he pulls up a telescope to him]
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[Outside, King Neptune gets out of his coach and closes the door on Mindy]
Neptune: Stay in the coach, daughter. [Gets out of the coach] This won't take long.
Mindy: Daddy, please. I think you're overreacting.
Squire: Yes, Your Highness?
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[Inside the Krusty Krab 2, Mr. Krabs is changing the price of the Krabby Patty]
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Mr. Krabs: With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese.
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Neptune: [To the customers] Greeting, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himself to me at once.
Mr. Krabs: I'm Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order something?
Mr. Krabs: "I stole your crown. Signed, Eugene Krabs?!" [Eyes widen]
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The Phone: [Plankton begins impersonating Mr. Krabs' voice] Ahoy, this is Eugene Krabs. Leave a message.
Mr. Krabs: Heh, heh... Don't you just hate wrong numbers?
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[Outside, we see that Plankton is behind it, holding the phone]
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King Neptune: [Continues screaming] Prepare to burn, Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: [sobbing] Wait, Neptune! Please, I'm begging you! I ain't a crook! Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me!
SpongeBob: [SpongeBob is burping around and looking all drunk] I've got something to say about Mr. [burps] Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, me boy, you've come just in time. Please, tell King Neptune all about me.
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King Neptune: Anyone else? No? Well, then. [Fires at Mr. Krabs]
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Mr. Krabs: Ooh! Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! I'm on fire! [he dives into a bucket of water] Oh, yeah.
King Neptune: And now, Eugene Krabs, [prepares to blast Mr. Krabs again] you... will...
SpongeBob: Wait! I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over.
King Neptune: Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown, and now it's in Shell City. That's why he must die.
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King Neptune: [places the paper bag back on his head] All right, all right.
SpongeBob: King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back?
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King Neptune: Very well, then. I'll have to fry you both!
Mindy: Daddy, stop it! Can't you get through one day without executing someone?
King Neptune: Mindy, I told you to stay in the carriage.
King Neptune: But, daughter, I...
Mindy: Please, Father? At least let him try. What have you got to lose? Might I remind you of your special problem?
[She removes the paper bag, once again revealing the shiny bald spot]
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King Neptune: Six it is, then.
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SpongeBob: Patrick, shush!
King Neptune: Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands! [He points his trident at Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: No, wait! I'm begging you! [King Neptune freezes him]
Squidward: Who turned on the AC? [gasps] Mr. Krabs! Oh, no, this is terrible! Who's gonna sign my paycheck?
King Neptune: Come along, Mindy.
[While Mindy is explaining, Patrick is staring at her]
Patrick: She's pretty, SpongeBob.
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Mindy: Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds and you'll be blown back home.
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Mindy: I'm coming. Good luck, SpongeBob.
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Mindy: Oh, I'm gonna be queen of the sea one day. I've learned the names of all the sea creatures.
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Mindy: That's easy. You're Patrick Star. [Patrick's cheeks turn red and he blushes shyly from head to toe]
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SpongeBob: Thanks, Mindy. [Now to Mr. Krabs] Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I...
Squidward: Pass. [He walks out the door, and leaves his hat behind]
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[They run into a secret room under the Krusty Krab 2, and run into the Patty Wagon]
SpongeBob: Feast your eyes, Patrick.
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Patrick: Hey, I thought you didn't have a driver's license.
SpongeBob: You don't need a license to drive a sandwich. [They start the engine, and crash through the side of the Krusty Krab 2, a word that says "KER-PATTY!" appears]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Shell City, here we come!
[Later, Plankton enters the Krusty Krab, looking satisfied with himself. Mr. Krabs is still there, frozen]
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SpongeBob: Fill her up, please.
Floyd: What'll it be, fellas? Mustard... or ketchup?! [Floyd and Lloyd slap their knees and crack up, rocking in their chairs.]
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SpongeBob: No, Patrick. They're laughing next to us.
Floyd: Where you two dumb kids headed, anyway?
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Floyd: Lloyd, take off your hat in respect. Respect for the dead!
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Boat jacker: Out of the car, fellas. [SpongeBob and Patrick obey and the boat jacker drives off in the Patty Wagon]
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[SpongeBob runs around Patrick and flaps his arms like chicken wings as Patrick continues to honk the aerosol can.]
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[Inside, Plankton is watching his new customers]
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Perch Perkins: Excuse me, Plankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News. Can I get a minute?
Plankton: Anything for you, Perch.
Perch Perkins: All of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty?
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[Plankton enters his lab, where Karen is]
Plankton: Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife.
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[Miles away, we see a hitman wearing sunglasses traveling on his motorcycle down the road.]
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Floyd: Hey, mister, does that hat take ten gallons?
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Patrick: Oh, yeah. All right.
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Patrick: SpongeBob, look! Our car!
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SpongeBob: There it is, Pat. The key! Now, how are we gonna get it?
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Thug: [From inside.] What are you looking at? [SpongeBob hears the punching sounds and pain cries inside]
SpongeBob: Patrick, that's a terrible idea.
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SpongeBob: I know. I'll go in and create a distraction, and you get the key.
Patrick: [Becomes enthusiastic] Ooh! Ooh! Wait!, I wanna do the distraction!
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SpongeBob: Stupid contacts. [He holds up an imaginary contact.] Oh, there it is. I better go wash it off. [Runs away]
[Inside the restroom, Patrick is going to the bathroom. He finishes as SpongeBob comes in]
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Patrick: [Jolts up. He flushes the toilet. Turns to SpongeBob] Well, I had to go to the bathroom.
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Victor: Hey! Who blew this bubble?! [Victor punches it, and it pops.] You all know the rules!
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Patrick: [Nervously] SpongeBob, it's the Goofy Goober theme song.
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[As the song goes on, Victor walks down the line to see the patron's responses to the songs.]
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SpongeBob: [trying not to sing] Don't sing along, Patrick!
Patrick: I'm trying. Trying so hard. [Victor notices his and SpongeBob's struggle and starts singing mockingly]
Victor: ♪I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah! You're a Goofy Goober, yeah! We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah!♪
[Victor watches as SpongeBob and Patrick can't take it anymore and open their mouths to sing when... ]
Siamese Twins: ♪Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah!♪ [disc scratch and the song stops]
Victor: [laughs.] Well, well, well. Which one of you babies was it?!
SpongeBob: Man, that was a close call.
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Evelyn: [Finds Squidward] Oh! Well, I got it at the Chum Bucket. Plankton's giving them away free with every Krabby Patty.
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[At the Chum Bucket, Plankton is enjoying his day and watching his customers. Squidward bursts in]
Squidward: So you're selling Krabby Patties, eh, Plankton?
Plankton: That's right, Squidward. [Pulls out a helmet] And there's a free bucket helmet with every purchase. Care for one?
Squidward: No. You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio.
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Plankton: We'll see about that, Inspector Looselips. [laughs and presses a button on Karen]
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Plankton: Seize him, slaves!
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Squidward: I'm getting outta here! [Runs for the door, but more slaves burst in and corner him]
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[Squidward, cornered, screams in horror as Plankton's slaves capture him]
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[Meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick are still traveling in the Patty Wagon. They are laughing at something Patrick has done]
SpongeBob: Come on, Pat, one more time.
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Patrick: You know, SpongeBob, there's a lesson to be learned from all of this.
SpongeBob: What's that, Patrick?
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SpongeBob: Oh, boy! [heads the stand, oblivious to the piles of skulls surrounding him]
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SpongeBob: Got you covered. [To the old woman] Two, please.
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Patrick: [Oblivious]Did you get the ice cream? [frog fish roars. SpongeBob and Patrick stare in fear]
Victor: Hey! [Dennis turns around] You may not know it, cowboy, but we got a rule around here about blowing bubbles. [Snaps his fingers and all of the thugs say the rule]
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SpongeBob: Yeah, monster-infested... [Gulps] trench.
SpongeBob: I'm going home, Patrick.
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Patrick: Worship? [Gets tears in his eyes] You're right, SpongeBob. We are kids! [Runs off while sobbing then falls down]
SpongeBob: Pull your pants up, Patrick. We're going home.
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Mindy: Look, guys, you may be kids, but you're the only ones left who can get that crown.
SpongeBob: What do you mean, the only ones left?
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Plankton: [Holding a whip] No resting! This monument celebrating my glory isn't gonna build itself. Move faster!
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Mindy: [She closes the clam] So you see, you can't quit. The fate of Bikini Bottom rests in your hands.
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Mindy: Come on, guys. [They don't stop] Guys... [They still don't stop] Guys? [they both spray tears to each other's mouths] Ew!
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Horses: [neighing, subtitles read: "Mermaid Magic?" Mindy shushes]
SpongeBob: Did you hear that, Patrick? She'll use her mermaid magic to turn us into men!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray! [Singing] We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men!
Mindy: Good. Now, let's get started. Close your eyes.
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Mindy: So now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City? [SpongeBob and Patrick still adore their "mustaches"] Guys!
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Mindy: I said, now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City?
SpongeBob and Patrick: Heck, yeah!
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SpongeBob and Patrick: Heck, no!
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[As they fall, SpongeBob and Patrick do tough moves]
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SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪Now that we're men,♪
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Patrick: Yeah, go SpongeBob. [They both finish by touching the tip of their toes] Ah!
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SpongeBob: "Shell City, dead ahead." We did it, Pat! We made it past everything! Even the hideous, disgusting monsters.
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SpongeBob: Can I help you with something, sir?
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Dennis: Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like. [He unmasks himself, grunts, and grows a mustache]
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Dennis: For some reason, he wanted me to step on you.
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[SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other again, this time, more scared]
Dennis: uhhh... Perhaps I've said too much. [Spikes pop out under his boot. He raises up his foot, ready to step on the two]
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Patrick: Bigger boot! [Starts to run away, but SpongeBob stops him]
SpongeBob: Wait, Pat. This bigger boot saved our lives.
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Both: Thank you, stranger.
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SpongeBob: IT'S THE CYCLOPS! [The two try to run, but the scuba diver grabs them and takes them with him]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Help us! Help us! Save us, someone!
[SpongeBob and Patrick have recovered on a bed of tank pebbles, snoring till they wake up in fright]
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SpongeBob: No, Pat, it's a giant glass bowl.
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SpongeBob: Hey, there's some fish folk.
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Cyclops: [Laughs maniacally, takes a book, steps into the bathroom and closes the door]
SpongeBob: This doesn't look too good, Patrick.
Patrick: [In a weak voice] You mean we're not gonna ♪get the crown, save the town and Mr. Krabs?♪
SpongeBob: I don't even think we're gonna be able to save ourselves, buddy. [SpongeBob's arm falls off, then Patrick puts it back]
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SpongeBob: Well, it looks like what everybody said about us is true, Patrick.
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SpongeBob: Yeah, we never made it to Shell City.
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SpongeBob: Exactly, buddy. Yeah, the place we never got to.
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SpongeBob: OK, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick.
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SpongeBob: Neptune's crown. This is Shell City. Pat, we did make it.
Patrick: Yeah, I guess we did.
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SpongeBob: [in a weak voice] I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah...
[Camera pans back in the theater, where all of the people in the audience are sobbing.]
Captain: That's the end of SpongeBob. [To a pirate] Come here, you. [Hugs him tight when a parrot lands on his shoulder]
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Captain: The bird's right. Look! [Camera goes back to movie to show the teardrop again] It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers.
SpongeBob: Hey, we're alive![The pirates cheer] Let's get that crown.
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Patrick: Check. [Pulls the string tied around the bag, and the bag flies out of his arm. He looks around]
Patrick: Uh, SpongeBob? [points to the bag flying away like a deflating balloon]
SpongeBob: No, no, stop! [He chases after the bag]
Patrick: I was bad, I'm sorry! Please, bag. I'm sorry, I just thought... It was a mistake! [the bag falls into the water]
SpongeBob: Oh, no. How will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?
David Hasselhoff: I can take you there. [SpongeBob and Patrick spot David Hasselhoff running towards them]
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SpongeBob: Go, Hasselhoff!
Patrick: Next stop, Bikini Bottom!
[In Bikini Bottom, Plankton's slaves are still under control]
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[Inside the Krusty Krab 2, Plankton is walking in]
[Above the ocean, Hasselhoff is now gliding like a motor boat. A fisherman looks at Hasselhoff and he falls to the sea]
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[At the Krusty Krab 2, Neptune and Mindy arrive]
Neptune: Eugene Krabs, your six-day reprieve is up! And it is time for you to die!
Mr. Krabs: [Krabs is rapidly sweating mounds of ice cubes] Please, I didn't do it.
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Neptune: Yes, you are. You're doing it right now.
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[Back above the ocean, Dennis has cornered SpongeBob and Patrick]
Dennis: Now, where were we? [Removes his damaged sunglasses]
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David Hasselhoff: Ooh! Take it easy back there, fellas.
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Patrick: SpongeBob, be careful.
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Patrick: I got you, SpongeBob. [Catches him]
SpongeBob: Thanks, buddy. [Dennis is ready to crush them with his cleated boot] Uh, thanks a lot.
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Mindy: [Goes to the door] But, Daddy...
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Mindy: [Bashes the door every time she says, "no"] No, no, no! Oh, SpongeBob, wherever you are, you better hurry.
David Hasselhoff: [Arrives below Bikini Bottom] Okay, fellas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom's directly below.
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Announcer: Ten seconds to liftoff. Nine, eight...
Neptune: Eugene Krabs, the time has come... [Lights his trident]
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Announcer: ...six, five...
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Announcer: ...three, two...
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Announcer: ... one. [SpongeBob, Patrick, and the crown are launched back down to Bikini Bottom]
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Mindy: [Comes inside] SpongeBob? Patrick? I knew you could do it! [Hugs them. Plankton then starts clapping slowly]
Plankton: [Sarcastically] Oh, yes. Well done, SpongeBoob.
SpongeBob: [Sarcastically] Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton.
Plankton: Oh, don't worry about me. My parade shall be quite dry under my umbrella! [pulls a cord that is hanging above him]
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Plankton: Daddy, yes! [Pulls out a remote control with only a big, red button on it. He presses the button]
Patrick: SpongeBob, what happened?
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Plankton: No, not because I cheated! Because I'm an evil genius. And you're just a kid. A stupid kid! [He and his slaves laugh]
SpongeBob: I guess you're right, Plankton. I am just a kid.
Plankton: Of course I'm right. Okay, Neptune, time to kill.
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Plankton: That's right. Okay, Neptune...
Plankton: That's great. Now, get back against the wall.
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Plankton: All right, we get the point.
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SpongeBob: But most of all, I'm... [he swipes his arm]
Plankton: Okay, settle down. Take it easy.
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[As SpongeBob plays the electric guitar, its head stock lights up and a laser beam blasts out and destroys a slave's helmet]
Fish: [After SpongeBob zaps his helmet, and it comes off] I'm free. I've been freed!
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Gary: [SpongeBob zaps his helmet] Meow. [SpongeBob blasts the antenna, zapping all the helmets and freeing everybody]
Mindy: Here you go, Daddy.
Plankton: I better get outta here. [Runs for the door, but a crowd of freed fish burst in]
Sandals: Look, it's the wizard who saved us.
Mindy: Daddy, haven't you forgotten something?
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Neptune: Go to him now, Krabs. Embrace him. [Krabs walks over to SpongeBob]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, me boy, I'm sorry I ever doubted ye. That's a mistake I won't make again.
SpongeBob: Oh, Mr. Krabs, you old soft-serve. [They hug]
Squidward: I couldn't agree more, sir.
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SpongeBob: Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it.
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Usher: Excuse me, sir. You folks have to leave.
Captain: What? Say that again, if you dare. [Points his sword at her]
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Two Pirates: Dinghy off the port bow. Dinghy off the port bow! [off-screen] Dinghy off the port bow!
One Pirate: Captain, dinghy off the... [He is slammed in the face by a door as the captain walks on deck]
Captain: Dinghy. [Lets the pirate in the dinghy onto the ship, along with the trunk]
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Pirate Formerly on the Dinghy: It's right here, captain.
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French Narrator: Hey, wait a minute.
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Female Fish: [off-screen] Look, there he is.
SpongeBob: Talk to me, Krabs.
Phil: I'm really scared here, man.
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SpongeBob: [Puts on a headset from the briefcase.] That's what it's all about. I want you to do me a favor, Phil.
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[Honk continues from dream, the screen now shows SpongeBob in his bedroom. He turns off his honking foghorn alarm clock.]
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[The scene is zooming to Squidward's house, and then cuts to Squidward in his bathroom]
Squidward: ♪La da dee, la da doo, la da dum, La da dee, la da doo, la da dum.♪
Squidward and SpongeBob: [In unision] ♪La da dee, la da doo, la da dum, La da d...♪
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SpongeBob: ♪...ee, la da doo, la da dum, Bum Bum Bum, Da da da...♪
Squidward: [interrupts him, and covers himself] SpongeBob! What are you doing in here?
SpongeBob: I have to tell you something, Squidward.
Squidward: Whatever it is, can't it wait until we get to work?
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SpongeBob: Okay. I'll see you at the ceremony. [Runs into Patrick, who comes out of his rock]
SpongeBob: Oh, thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party till we're purple.
Patrick: Oh, I love being purple!
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[The scene cuts to a large crowd gathered in front of the Krusty Krab. Perch Perkins is on TV, reporting]
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Karen: Don't get worked up again, Plankton, I just mopped the floors.
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Plankton: Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet.
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Plankton: [Searches through cabinet] W, X, Y, Z. [Grabs Plan Z] Plan Z! Here it is, just like you said.
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SpongeBob: I'm ready, promotion... I'm ready, promotion...
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Plankton: Not in something, on someone, you twit!
SpongeBob: Well, good luck with that. [Runs off] I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.
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[Later, Mr. Krabs is at a stand in front of the Krusty Krab 2. The crowd is still gathered there, seated]
Mr. Krabs: Welcome. Welcome, everyone, to the grand opening of The Krusty Krab 2! [The crowd applauds]
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Mr. Krabs: Now, before we begin with the ribbon-cutting, I'd like to announce the name of our new manager.
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Mr. Krabs: Yes. Well, anyway... The new manager is a loyal, hard-working employee.
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Mr. Krabs: Please welcome our new manager...Squidward Tentacles! [A banner falls with Squidward's face on it]
Mr. Krabs: Uh, SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob! You didn't get the job!
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Mr. Krabs: Lad, I mean this in the nicest of ways, but there's a word for what you are, and that word is... now, let's see...
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Mr. Krabs: No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork.
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Mr. Krabs: Closer, but no, no, no.
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SpongeBob: I guess so, Mr. Krabs.
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Patrick: Let's hear it for SpongeBob! Hello? Where'd everybody go? Did I miss something? Did you see my butt?
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[Later that evening, Plankton is traveling through the sky on his jetpack. He stops in front of a giant castle]
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Neptune: So, you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown?
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Prisoner: But it's my job, Your Highness. I'm the royal crown polisher.
Neptune: Well, then I guess I can't execute you. Twenty years in the dungeon it is.
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Crown Polisher: Bless you, Princess Mindy. [runs away]
Neptune: Mindy, how dare you defy me?!
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Mindy: Father, I wish you'd try a little love and compassion instead of these harsh punishments.
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Mindy: Dad, your "crown"...
Neptune: What the...? [Discovers that his crown is missing] My crown! Aah! Someone has stolen the royal crown!
Goofy Goober Clock: Hey, all you Goobers, it's time to say howdy to your favorite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober.
Kids: Howdy, Goofy Goober!
Goofy Goober: Hey, fellow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing.
Goofy Goober: ♪Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah.♪
Goofy Goober and Kids: ♪Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah!♪
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Patrick: Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab 2 manager! [SpongeBob starts crying again] Wow, the pressure's already setting in.
SpongeBob: No, Pat, you don't understand. I didn't get the promotion.
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Patrick: Well, saying you're a kid, it's like saying I'm a kid! [Waiter walks up to him handing him a Goober Meal]
Waiter: Here's your Goober Meal, sir.
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SpongeBob: [sighs] I'm gonna head home, Pat. The celebration's off.
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SpongeBob: A Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh? I guess I could use one of those.
Patrick: Now you're talking. Hey, waiter, we need another one over here.
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SpongeBob: Boy, Pat, that hit the spot. I'm feeling better already.
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[All three faint. The next morning, SpongeBob wakes up to find the waiter trying to get him up]
Waiter: [To SpongeBob] Hey. Hey, get up. Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home. Come on, pal.
SpongeBob: [After recovering] Oh, my head. [He looks drunk]
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[At the Krusty Krab 2, Mr. Krabs is pinning the manager pin on Squidward's shirt. Then he pulls up a telescope to him]
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[Outside, King Neptune gets out of his coach and closes the door on Mindy]
Neptune: Stay in the coach, daughter. [Gets out of the coach] This won't take long.
Mindy: Daddy, please. I think you're overreacting.
Squire: Yes, Your Highness?
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[Inside the Krusty Krab 2, Mr. Krabs is changing the price of the Krabby Patty]
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Mr. Krabs: With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese.
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Mr. Krabs: I'm Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order something?
Mr. Krabs: "I stole your crown. Signed, Eugene Krabs?!" [Eyes widen]
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The Phone: [Plankton begins impersonating Mr. Krabs' voice] Ahoy, this is Eugene Krabs. Leave a message.
Mr. Krabs: Heh, heh... Don't you just hate wrong numbers?
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[Outside, we see that Plankton is behind it, holding the phone]
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King Neptune: [Continues screaming] Prepare to burn, Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: [sobbing] Wait, Neptune! Please, I'm begging you! I ain't a crook! Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me!
SpongeBob: [SpongeBob is burping around and looking all drunk] I've got something to say about Mr. [burps] Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, me boy, you've come just in time. Please, tell King Neptune all about me.
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King Neptune: Anyone else? No? Well, then. [Fires at Mr. Krabs]
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Mr. Krabs: Ooh! Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! I'm on fire! [he dives into a bucket of water] Oh, yeah.
King Neptune: And now, Eugene Krabs, [prepares to blast Mr. Krabs again] you... will...
SpongeBob: Wait! I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over.
King Neptune: Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown, and now it's in Shell City. That's why he must die.
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King Neptune: [places the paper bag back on his head] All right, all right.
SpongeBob: King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back?
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King Neptune: Very well, then. I'll have to fry you both!
Mindy: Daddy, stop it! Can't you get through one day without executing someone?
King Neptune: Mindy, I told you to stay in the carriage.
King Neptune: But, daughter, I...
Mindy: Please, Father? At least let him try. What have you got to lose? Might I remind you of your special problem?
[She removes the paper bag, once again revealing the shiny bald spot]
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King Neptune: And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactly 10 days! [Patrick pops up]
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King Neptune: Six it is, then.
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SpongeBob: Patrick, shush!
King Neptune: Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands! [He points his trident at Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: No, wait! I'm begging you! [King Neptune freezes him]
Squidward: Who turned on the AC? [gasps] Mr. Krabs! Oh, no, this is terrible! Who's gonna sign my paycheck?
King Neptune: Come along, Mindy.
[While Mindy is explaining, Patrick is staring at her]
Patrick: She's pretty, SpongeBob.
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Mindy: Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds and you'll be blown back home.
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Mindy: I'm coming. Good luck, SpongeBob.
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Mindy: Oh, I'm gonna be queen of the sea one day. I've learned the names of all the sea creatures.
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Mindy: That's easy. You're Patrick Star. [Patrick's cheeks turn red and he blushes shyly from head to toe]
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SpongeBob: Thanks, Mindy. [Now to Mr. Krabs] Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I...
Squidward: Pass. [He walks out the door, and leaves his hat behind]
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[They run into a secret room under the Krusty Krab 2, and run into the Patty Wagon]
SpongeBob: Feast your eyes, Patrick.
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Patrick: Hey, I thought you didn't have a driver's license.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Shell City, here we come!
[Later, Plankton enters the Krusty Krab, looking satisfied with himself. Mr. Krabs is still there, frozen]
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SpongeBob: Fill her up, please.
Floyd: What'll it be, fellas? Mustard... or ketchup?! [Floyd and Lloyd slap their knees and crack up, rocking in their chairs.]
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SpongeBob: No, Patrick. They're laughing next to us.
Floyd: Where you two dumb kids headed, anyway?
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Floyd: Lloyd, take off your hat in respect. Respect for the dead!
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Boat jacker: Out of the car, fellas. [SpongeBob and Patrick obey and the boat jacker drives off in the Patty Wagon]
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[SpongeBob runs around Patrick and flaps his arms like chicken wings as Patrick continues to honk the aerosol can.]
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[Inside, Plankton is watching his new customers]
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Perch Perkins: Excuse me, Plankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News. Can I get a minute?
Plankton: Anything for you, Perch.
Perch Perkins: All of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty?
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[Plankton enters his lab, where Karen is]
Plankton: Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife.
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[Miles away, we see a hitman wearing sunglasses traveling on his motorcycle down the road.]
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Floyd: Hey, mister, does that hat take ten gallons?
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Patrick: Oh, yeah. All right.
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Patrick: SpongeBob, look! Our car!
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SpongeBob: There it is, Pat. The key! Now, how are we gonna get it?
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Thug: [From inside.] What are you looking at? [SpongeBob hears the punching sounds and pain cries inside]
SpongeBob: Patrick, that's a terrible idea.
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SpongeBob: I know. I'll go in and create a distraction, and you get the key.
Patrick: [Becomes enthusiastic] Ooh! Ooh! Wait!, I wanna do the distraction!
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SpongeBob: Stupid contacts. [He holds up an imaginary contact.] Oh, there it is. I better go wash it off. [Runs away]
[Inside the restroom, Patrick is going to the bathroom. He finishes as SpongeBob comes in]
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Patrick: [Jolts up. He flushes the toilet. Turns to SpongeBob] Well, I had to go to the bathroom.
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Victor: Hey! Who blew this bubble?! [Victor punches it, and it pops.] You all know the rules!
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Patrick: [Nervously] SpongeBob, it's the Goofy Goober theme song.
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[As the song goes on, Victor walks down the line to see the patron's responses to the songs.]
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SpongeBob: [trying not to sing] Don't sing along, Patrick!
Patrick: I'm trying. Trying so hard. [Victor notices his and SpongeBob's struggle and starts singing mockingly]
Victor: ♪I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah! You're a Goofy Goober, yeah! We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah!♪
[Victor watches as SpongeBob and Patrick can't take it anymore and open their mouths to sing when... ]
Siamese Twins: ♪Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah!♪ [disc scratch and the song stops]
Victor: [laughs.] Well, well, well. Which one of you babies was it?!
SpongeBob: Man, that was a close call.
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Evelyn: [Finds Squidward] Oh! Well, I got it at the Chum Bucket. Plankton's giving them away free with every Krabby Patty.
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[At the Chum Bucket, Plankton is enjoying his day and watching his customers. Squidward bursts in]
Squidward: So you're selling Krabby Patties, eh, Plankton?
Plankton: That's right, Squidward. [Pulls out a helmet] And there's a free bucket helmet with every purchase. Care for one?
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Plankton: We'll see about that, Inspector Looselips. [laughs and presses a button on Karen]
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Plankton: Seize him, slaves!
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Squidward: I'm getting outta here! [Runs for the door, but more slaves burst in and corner him]
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[Squidward, cornered, screams in horror as Plankton's slaves capture him]
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SpongeBob: Come on, Pat, one more time.
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Patrick: You know, SpongeBob, there's a lesson to be learned from all of this.
SpongeBob: What's that, Patrick?
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SpongeBob: Yeah. [Then realizes something] Wait. We blew that bubble. Doesn't that make us a bubble-blowing double baby? [Both think about this until he spots a free ice cream stand]
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SpongeBob: Oh, boy! [heads the stand, oblivious to the piles of skulls surrounding him]
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SpongeBob: Got you covered. [To the old woman] Two, please.
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Patrick: [Oblivious]Did you get the ice cream? [frog fish roars. SpongeBob and Patrick stare in fear]
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SpongeBob: Yeah, monster-infested... [Gulps] trench.
SpongeBob: I'm going home, Patrick.
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Patrick: Worship? [Gets tears in his eyes] You're right, SpongeBob. We are kids! [Runs off while sobbing then falls down]
SpongeBob: Pull your pants up, Patrick. We're going home.
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Mindy: Look, guys, you may be kids, but you're the only ones left who can get that crown.
SpongeBob: What do you mean, the only ones left?
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Plankton: [Holding a whip] No resting! This monument celebrating my glory isn't gonna build itself. Move faster!
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Mindy: [She closes the clam] So you see, you can't quit. The fate of Bikini Bottom rests in your hands.
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Horses: [neighing, subtitles read: "Mermaid Magic?" Mindy shushes]
SpongeBob: Did you hear that, Patrick? She'll use her mermaid magic to turn us into men!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray! [Singing] We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men!
Mindy: Good. Now, let's get started. Close your eyes.
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Mindy: I said, now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City?
SpongeBob and Patrick: Heck, yeah!
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SpongeBob and Patrick: Heck, no!
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[As they fall, SpongeBob and Patrick do tough moves]
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SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪Now that we're men,♪
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Patrick: Yeah, go SpongeBob. [They both finish by touching the tip of their toes] Ah!
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SpongeBob: Can I help you with something, sir?
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Dennis: For some reason, he wanted me to step on you.
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[SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other again, this time, more scared]
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Patrick: Bigger boot! [Starts to run away, but SpongeBob stops him]
SpongeBob: Wait, Pat. This bigger boot saved our lives.
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Both: Thank you, stranger.
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SpongeBob and Patrick: Help us! Help us! Save us, someone!
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SpongeBob: No, Pat, it's a giant glass bowl.
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SpongeBob: Hey, there's some fish folk.
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SpongeBob: This doesn't look too good, Patrick.
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SpongeBob: Well, it looks like what everybody said about us is true, Patrick.
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SpongeBob: Yeah, we never made it to Shell City.
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SpongeBob: Exactly, buddy. Yeah, the place we never got to.
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SpongeBob: OK, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick.
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SpongeBob: Neptune's crown. This is Shell City. Pat, we did make it.
Patrick: Yeah, I guess we did.
SpongeBob: [in a weak voice] I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah...
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SpongeBob: Hey, we're alive![The pirates cheer] Let's get that crown.
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Patrick: I sure do. [Patrick shows a lump on his butt. He and SpongeBob laughs] Here you go. [Pulls out the bag. SpongeBob stares at the lump, wide-eyed] What?
SpongeBob: Nothing, nothing... Okay, let's go over the instructions. [Reads the paper with the instructions on it] Let's see, it says here, "Step one: Point bag away from home."
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SpongeBob: Well, that seems simple enough. Point bag away from home, feet firmly on ground, pull string, releasing the winds. All right, let's do it for real.
SpongeBob: No, no, stop! [He chases after the bag]
SpongeBob: Oh, no. How will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?
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SpongeBob: Go, Hasselhoff!
Patrick: Next stop, Bikini Bottom!
[In Bikini Bottom, Plankton's slaves are still under control]
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[Inside the Krusty Krab 2, Plankton is walking in]
[Above the ocean, Hasselhoff is now gliding like a motor boat. A fisherman looks at Hasselhoff and he falls to the sea]
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[At the Krusty Krab 2, Neptune and Mindy arrive]
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Neptune: Yes, you are. You're doing it right now.
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David Hasselhoff: Ooh! Take it easy back there, fellas.
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Patrick: SpongeBob, be careful.
Patrick: I got you, SpongeBob. [Catches him]
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Mindy: [Goes to the door] But, Daddy...
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Announcer: ...six, five...
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Announcer: ...three, two...
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Patrick: SpongeBob, what happened?
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Plankton: That's right. Okay, Neptune...
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Plankton: All right, we get the point.
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