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CHAPTER 7: MANAGING CONFLICT AND ANGER (Conflict Competence (Accept that…
CHAPTER 7: MANAGING CONFLICT AND ANGER
Definition of conflicts
It is a natural outcome of human interaction that begins when two or more social entities (i.e. individuals, groups, organizations and nations) come into contact with one another in attaining their objectives.
Types of Conflict
Structural or resources:
Constraints by limited resources normally beyond the control of parties in the conflict
Values and beliefs: Conflicting beliefs, values and attitudes
Interest:
Feeling of not being heard or being acknowledge; competing needs, interest and goals.
Relationship:
Caused by strong emotions about something
Information data:
Disagreements about facts or data as a result of lack of information, too much information, misinformation or disinformation.
Costs of Conflict
Opportunity:
Value you might be creating
Continuity:
The costs of replacing valued contributors and loss of ongoing relationships.
Productivity:
Lost time from work or diminished capacity
Emotions:
Held hostage by our emotions. Dampended and diminished life energy.
Direct Costs:
Costs of professional to help resolve the conflict.
Positive conflicts
Abundance vs. Scarcity Mentality
: Believe that there is enough for everyone and that you are free to be who you are (control vs. influence)
Power of Opposite:
The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.
Intensity of conflict
Disagreement:
Self protection use manipulative and sarcastic means to get message across. open to resolution but do not want to get hurt.
Contest:
Seek to win. Undermine the opponent through open personal attacks. Blaming and shaming
Problem to solve:
focuses on issue to fix
Fight, Flight or Freeze
: Determine to wreck the other party's life. Usually through unethical means.
Intractable Situation:
Consider the other party as enemies to be annihilated.
Conflict Competence
Accept that it is inevitable
Constructive engagement: reach out, perspective tacking & listening
Culture for conflict competence
The value of conflict
Improve cognitive, emotional & behavioural skills
Self-awareness: current attitudes & responses
Right climate to develop trust & safety.
Regulate & maintaining emotional balance
Collaborate and communicate
Eliminate the flight or fight response.
Cognitive Skills
Look at the conflict as something to embrace than avoid
Emotional Skills
Ability to understand and regulate responses to conflict, and maintain emotional balance.
Address your hidden fears:
What made you defensive?
Re-frame your mind:
Re-frame and re-appraise
Mindful and aware of the present:
step back, disengage and examine current feeling.
Stimulate your emotions:
express appreciation, build affiliation, respect autonomy, acknowledge status, choose a fulfilling role.
Behavioural Skills
Ability to engage constructively understand others' perspective, emotions, and needs, differences and collaborate and pleased about reaching out to re-engage and reconnect
Cool down and slow down:
Develop conducive setting for further discussion
Engaging Constructively:
Reduce or eliminate toxic behaviour related to conflict characterized by the fight or flight response.
Conflict Management
The fight-or-flight response:
a physiological reaction that occurs in the presence of something that is terrifying either mentally or physical.
Conflict Resolution Styles and Outcomes
Accommodation:
Giving in to protect relationship or gain benefits at a later time
Avoidance
: Stalemate and maintaining current situation. Non-resolution Outcome
Collaboration:
Mutual benefits. Win/Win situation
Competition:
Compete or dominate. Win/Lose outcome
Compromise:
Parties cooperate due to lack of alternative.Shared benefits and losses outcome
Conflict Transformation S.A.L.A.M.
L:
listen for and learn the differences
A:
advise one another
A:
agree that a conflict is exist
M:
Minimize areas of disagreement
S:
state the conflicting view.
SNT Model: Arresting damaging and unnecessary conflicts
Naseeha:
sincere advice to guide and given in kindness and sincerity
Ta'awun:
Cooperation for righteousness
Syura:
Consulting members for opinions
Anger
It is a strong feeling which makes you want to hurt someone or be unpleasant because of something unfair or hurtful that has happened.
Anger Expression
Types:
(Assertive, passive, and aggressive), (Overt, Covert or Delayed), (Appropriate, excessive or misdirected)
Two broad categories of negative anger expression
Instrumental:
used as a tool to get one's desire fulfilled such as to hurt, to bully or to destroy someone
Reactive:
Impulsive in nature and can easily turn to violence.
Managing Anger
Choose yourself:
choose freedom because control and fear suffocates, choose to reach out and open up, choose to be shielded from negative vibes.
Know yourself:
Learn to identify the different perspectives of your anger, admit that anger is a choice and remove your emotional crutches.
Give yourself:
be humble and treat others as equals; not above or below., be responsible and forgiving.
Managing Angry People
Agree:
Give them the sense of power that they badly needed. it will often calm them down.
Go for a Solution:
Think win-win and go for a solution when there is an opportunity.
Use humour:
Ensure that it is appropriate
Listen:
do not provoke - break their anger momentum