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COURSE OUTLINE, OWN, To be authentic you need to have faith- IF YOU…

- - - - STORY OF FRIEND WHO DOENS'T LIKE MOVIES, TALK SPIRITUAL STUFF
        MY PARTNER
      - STORY OF GRANDFATHERS
    - - PRIMACY / MOST IMPORTANT STAKE HOLDER
        
        MOST IMPORTANT STAKE HOLDER
        
        GIVE A COMMITMENT TO YOURSELF - TO OWN YOUR MOST IMPORTANT STAKEHOLDER
  - - - WANT
        
        i have done all
        
        we think negative
- - - - Dealing with In-Laws related Issues
        In-laws have always been heavily critiqued about their about preferential treatment towards their biological children.
        and unequal treatment to spouses of their biological children.
        If you plan to stick with your PARTNER, then you’re stuck with your in-laws as well
        so finding ways to get along with them is crucial.
        Let us learn what happens and also the ways to work on this tricky yet very important relationship , in-laws
        
        PPT
        
        PPT
        
        Whenever you are disappointed by your in-laws, avoid escalating the situation
        Keep your expectations of your in-laws reasonable. Always remember that they are not your parents and that they will behave differently.
        do not blame your partner for his/her parents' behavior. I am sure that your partner is already aware of his/her parents' shortcomings.
        Collaborate on how much time together with your in-laws is the right. If spending every weekend is too much, find a sweet spot that you and your partner is happy with. It will vary for all families. Find yours.
        
        VIDEO
        Keep in mind that you may be lucky to have in-laws once you allow yourself to discover what brings out the best in them. Your children, too, may benefit from having even more adults in their lives who care about them.
        VIDEO
        communicate rather than to make assumptions
        your in-laws they are your parents even in law
- - - - we all say every individual is different
        but do we actually know it. we use a cliché statement that we either think from heart of brain. let's understand what's that.
        
        EMOTION DRIVEN - LOGIC DRIVEN
        
        YOU GET ATTRACTED TO OPPOSITE- BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE THAT WAY -
        YET YOU DON'T LIKE THAT OPPOSITE because you are naturally not like that
        and get in the game of changing him/her
        
        so what to do -
        
        acknowledge the differentness
        
        cherish the differentness
        even if you had gotten your clone - life would have been same -like nature - everything changes
        don't try to hold onto your previous conditioning
        infact you yourself wanted this change
        you got attracted to it - so at a subconscious level you wanted to change
        
        1 more item...
    - - Know the natural needs
        
        MASCULINE & FEMININE DIFFERENCE
        
        DIFFERENT EMOTIONAL NEEDS
        
        what happens when needs are not met
        
        reality of relationship
      - Know the specific needs of your partner
        
        PARETO PRINCIPLE
        
        IF PARTNER DOESN'T TELL - YOU ASK
        
        WHAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL MORE LOVED ?
        
        WHY IS THAT THING SO IMPORTANT FOR YOU
        
        HOW WILL THAT INSPIRE YOU TOWARDS OUR RELATIONSHIP
        
        WHAT SUPPORT CAN YOU GIVE ME TO GET THAT DONE FOR YOU
        
        you may tell me i don't know what she needs, what he needs. I am really bugged. And you may say i have asked a hundred times -
        
        don't you use a whole lot of negative words -
        negative conotation, refer the past , blame
        you use a lot of judgement
        
        1 more item...
  - - - GRANT CARDONE
  - - - story of Stacy -
        Story of Dave
- - - - ACKNOWLEDGEMENT - APPRECIATION
        Who doesn't like appreciation. We appreciate & complement our partners in the courtship period, but very soon we tend to miss out on appreciation. Now this doesn't directly leads to fights, but it makes your partner feel unimportant and not valued. It's like nutrition. Don't take nutrition and even a common cold can take a toll on you.
        VIDEO
        So if YOU ARE A MAN you need to enhance her feminine - by complementing and appreciating her looks, her appearance, and also her personality. When you don't do that, it impacts her adversely.
        You also need to appreciate her personality - like the values that you admire in her. - her honesty, diligence, confidence etc.
        If you are a woman you too need to remember that a man also needs appreciation on his looks and his personality as well.
        
        The base on which the Relationships started, need to be continued. I often hear from people "relationships change , they don't remain the same. I have a secret to share. After seeing thousands of relationships - i have learnt a very simple thing -
        If a plant takes birth out of a seed because of the water and the nutrients that you give, that plant will need the same water and the nutrition throughout. Its such a common sense.
        Similarly YOUR RELATIONSHIP is also like a plant. Even now in your everyday conduct you need to keep displaying the same warmth as you used to do when the relationship started.
        VIDEO
        YOUR LOVING TONE & YOUR INCLINED BODY LANGUAGE & THE WORDS - PERSONAL LOVE LOVE NAMES - YOU NEED TO KEEP SHOWING THEM EVERYDAY TILL YOU WANT TO KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP ALIVE
        
        AKNOWLEDEMENT
        Behaviour rewarded gets repeated.
        Simply saying "when you verbally acknowledge things that someone does for you, the other person feels valued. VIDEO Don't you acknowledge something that people in areas of life - don't you acknoweledge a help that your work collegue extends to you, or a friend who volunteers for something you needed urgently or even a waiter who serves you a good meal in the restaurant
        Similarly by developing a habit of acknowledging your partner for something that he or she does for you will make him/her feel valued
        PPT This needs to be DONE in specific way using the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT TALK - here it is.
    - - RESOLVING FIGHT QUICKLY
        5 STEPS
    - - ppt
        ADDRESSING FEAR OF REJECTION
        Remember that it happens to everyone
        Mostly it comes from our childhood.
    - - PROCESSING DIFFERENTNESS
- - - - Let me share with you, something that i hear in almost all my coaching sessions -
        Here's one such story -
        So Nora came to me for her relationship with Eric. During the session she said "When Eric returns from work, he behaves obnoxiously and starts grumbling ". I asked her what do you think is the reason behind ? - She said "i don't know, he was never like this earlier. He used to enter with smile and often take me along to the gym, and now when i mention about those good days, he starts shouting. " On this i asked her, "what do you think has changed for him from your side ? Nora said - "He has mentioned that i blame him, and i am not romantic, but i can't be romantic to him, because my needs are not met - i don't feel special anymore."
        And then in a separate session i asked Eric the same question "Eric , what do you think has changed for Nora that she doesn't feel special" Guess what his reply was exactly what Nora had told me" Eric said "I think she expects me to sensitive to her needs of being pampered, but why should i that because all she has for me is complaints.
        Like Nora & Eric every individual who has ever walked in my cabin has said to me - "Why should i do all this - What is in it for me."
        Now i have a question for you "What do you think is happening here
        You are right "both Nora & Eric were in their ego positions & unaware of
        the concept of Owning, Knowing, Giving and ReceivingSLIDE
        So you can receive only when you take the lead of giving love
        Let's learn why to give love before receiving love
        
        BEGGAR OF LOVE
        
        seeing the child within
        
        Not judging & Loving the child
        
        TAKING LEAD
        
        TO GIVE LOVE TO SELF & THEN OTHER
        
        1 more item...
    - - PREREQUISITES
        
        BE AUTHENTIC TO SELF & YOUR PARTNER IN WHAT CAN BE DONE
        
        PPT SLIDE
        word authentic means - GENUINE - TRUE when you are true you will become WORTHY OF TRUST TRUST is the base of friendship
        
        Respecting Respecting your & your partner's beliefs, opinions, aspirations & finding a way out
        SETTING STANDARDS (YES's) & BOUNDARIES(NO's)
        WITH LOTS OF LOVE
        We will learn how to express authenticity using CONNECTION TALK
        Please not - Communication is an art and it needs to be learnt
        
        HAVE BELIEF
        
        SEE UNIQUENESS -
        
        DON'T COMPARE
        
        if you compare your partner's personality to someone else's, it's like you are you are watching other people's dishes
        VIDEO
        
        Be wise and take control of your mind
        Only by seeing the uniqueness of your partner and his/her positive traits, you can build that friendship. That's going to help you implement the relationship square and all the learning that you have had.
        
        GIVING LOVE Of course If there is voilence , substance abuse , infidelity or any psychiatric illness in your relationship, you must seek professional advice, you need to share your specific difficulties to a mental health professional- obviously all this knowledge won't help unless those components are not addressed in the first place
        
        CHERISH THE UNIQUE QUALITIES
        FOCUS ON THOSE UNIQUE QUALITIES
        FEEL GRATEFUL
    - - PAMPER YOUR PARTNER - there are list of things that naturally any man or woman like to be done to. Here are a few of those things - like -
        . You can find the list in the PDF in this module.
        You may say to me "WHY ONLY I have to INITIATE EVERYTIME "
        Ask yourself " DON'T YOU pamper YOUR BEST FRIENDS- DO YOU CALCULATE YOU STARTED IT. With your best friend isn't it about creating an experience instead of ego. Also with your best friend do you not see what all other good things your friend does to you. Similar with your partner, you need to create an experience for each other. It's like your partner's general tendency is not to do those things for you proactively. But you have a choice to focus on those things that your partner does for you that you cherish.
        .
        Also in the next module we will learn how to ask for what we want. So you need to give love to create a position for yourself to ask for what you want without blaming or criticizing your partner
        
        Proactively create opportunities for Doing the fun ACTIVITES TOGETHER - This will create a new culture and freshness in your relationship.
        Some such activities can be
        
        PDF
        
        YOU WILL ENJOY THE BENEFIT AS WELL -
    - - WHAT DOES GIVING LOVE mean ?
        
        To explain this we need to learn from NATURE. We are also a part of nature - Aren't we ? This world has made us forget our roots i.e. the nature. We are born on this planet - eat food that grows on it and we will go back in it. So come with me let's learn this part of our relationship square TO GIVE from
        Nature. Nature gives -
        plant bears flowers and the flowers gives the sweet nectar to the birds and butterflies. By doing so, plants also get benefitted - they are able to pollinate and then the plants bear fruits which is also a form of giving food to other animals. This way plants get a favor bac from animals - the seeds get spread in distance places which helps in creating more plants to grow. Similarly we can observe the give and receive cycle in every thing in nature. Everything is interdependent and helping each other through GIVING & RECIEVING.
        
        Similarly we also give and receive in all areas of our lives. We give what it takes in our in career, and then we receive money and growth i return. Also if we give the needed effort and respect to any art that want to learn, we get the mastery and it pays off. some art - be it music. Similarly if we give the needed nutrition and exercise to our body we receive health and fitness.
        VIDEO ENDS
        Similarly it works in your relationship as well. If you give love the way your partner needs, you will certainly receive the love the way you want. Let us learn more about GIVING
        
        VIDEOS
- - - - Let's learn HOW TO ASK WHAT YOU WANT
        You have learnt how to cherish the **positive changes that will come naturally in your relationship as a result of your efforts**.
        By owning your partner, knowing his/her needs and giving love the way he/she wants, you are actually creating a position to ask what you want for yourself.
        it's your responsibility to ask those things that you need. If you don' ask, you are not being authentic to yourself, to your partner and to your friendship.
        Most of the people come and tell me that i have shared everything and still he/she doesn't understand and doesn't do what I want.
        If same is the case with you, I have a secret to share - You don't know how to ask what you want and that's why your partner doesn't understand -
        May be your partner knows it at a superficial level, but because you always complain and also you couldn't explain your world around your needs, it didn't work out.
        As i had mentioned earlier Communication is tough. Trust me there is a technique to ask. If you correctly take care of all the earlier parts of Relationship square, using this technique you can surely get what you want for yourself and you will see your partner transforming.
        I call this technique the Connection Talk.
        Check it out
        
        CONNECTION / SHARING
        PPT
        Some people are beleive that their partner is a mind reader and think that it's common sense that - she should understand or he shuld understand
        trust me your partner is not a mind reader
        and then when he / she is not able to read your mind, you shout and fight
    - - This is the first part of RECEIVE LOVE
        To Cherish Positive Changes -
        You can CHERISH POSITIVE in 3 steps
        1. BELIEVING THE JOURNEY
        IT IS A JOURNEY - IT IS A PROCESS
        And this process is not for a day or for a week or a month - you need to be consistent and that can happen when you make this a part of your attitude, your being and way of your life
        2. HAVING POSITIVE IMAGE OF PARTNER
        3. NOTICING & VERBALLY APPRECIATING THE GOOD THINGS that your partner starts doing for you.
- - - - INNER SELF INTEGRATION TECHNIQUE
        Now we will learn the Inner Self Integration technique briefly. Remember we spoke about this technique earlier
        I always wanted to create a simple mechanism to get grip over the mind. Mind goes into loops of negative thoughts and it gets difficult to break the loop. This led to the discovery of Inner Self Integration technique
        Inner Self Integration technique is based on principles of science, transpersonal psychology, ancient eastern wisdom and cognitive behavior therapy.
        It is a tool that you can use to consciously make your mind think positive. It gets you the choice to act and react positively.
        The video has been recorded in a very different way so that your mind calms down quickly. Let's learn the technique
        VIDEO INNER SELF INTEGRATION
        
        VIDEO ENDS
        
        I know you must be having a lot of questions and doubts about the technique. But i am sure you are feeling lighter. Come on - Be honest to yourself.
        If you want to learn more, you need to get access of the Inner Self Integration full course.
        Congratulations you have completed this module. Now you know a lot of ways to get over your mind. The more you practice all the techniques, the better you will get at it.
        See you in the next module
      - CHEKING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
        
        Obsession with partner & the relationship
        Think for while - Do you Love your partner or do you have Obsession over your partner or over the relationship ?
        Now this is Tough one. Trust me.
        You may not even realize that you are obsessed over your partner. If you find yourself wanting to constantly be with your partner,
        or always wanting to know where your partner is,
        and trying to control his or her behaviour, you may need think on this. Let's learn more.
        PPT
        There is a thin line between being concerned and being obsessive. - being loving & being controlling
        partner with a love addiction can become extremely dependent on their partner for happiness and, in some cases, even to function normally. This goes beyond
        being needy — it’s more about genuinely feeling like you need this person to survive. Behavior like this is common in people with depression who may rely on their partner to improve their mood or provide happiness for them. It can also be a sign of codependency.
        “In the most extreme cases of love addiction, an individual can go to great lengths to maintain an intense emotional connection with another person. A small percentage of people could develop stalking behaviors, they may be prone to extreme periods of depression, anxiety, irritability, or they may be at risk of harming themselves or someone else,” O’Neill explains. “Again, these are the most extreme cases and not everyone who is addictive tendencies will develop these types of behaviors,
        
        Such a behaviour is damaging to both the partners. And it often ruins relationships. If you are obsessed with your partner you need to work on your obsession.
        “It’s important to remember that you are a whole person, and so is your partner. This also means that you have so much more around you than JUST your partner,” Romano said. “It’s helpful to take time to focus on what is going well, friends that you can connect with, taking up a new hobby, reading that book that’s been sitting around. Recognize the thoughts when they start and notice them. Notice how you feel, what you experience in your body and understand that these thoughts will pass as well as feelings. It’s all temporary and pushing them down may force you to ruminate more. You are more than your thoughts!”
        If this this your life, this is your partner - who supports your life
        PPT
        SHOW HANDS
        Your partner is just one area of your life. You need to focus on all areas of your life. If you lack in some areas that doesn't mean you can totally encroach your partner's life. Your partner is just a support
        ppt ends
        
        . Past / Trust Issues
        Who wants to feel sad and suffer. Nobody. I haven't come across anyone who says i love to suffer.
        Then Why do we hold on to the past ?
        Why is it so difficult to let go of experiences that have caused us pain and suffering?
        I studied a lot of this topic and I could finally crack it. Let me share what I have learnt.
        Life is about experiences - both favorable & unfavorable. Something or the other keeps on happening.
        Interestingly our mind processes a negative experience a lot more critically than any other experience .
        This happens because the mind wants to find a solution to the problem. But when it is unable to find an answer to why it happened - it is unable to move to the next level of how can it be solved. Let's understand .
        
        PPT starts
        Harping on negative experiences is painful because our mind keeps on thinking why it happened to ME. When this is a pattern of SELF VICTIMISATION.
        Mind is designed
        By going in this loop of WHY ME, we go on experiencing the pain.
        If you want to want to move on to a positive you need to shift the focus from WHY ME to WHY IT HAPPENED
        PPT ends
        
        You can train yourself to cut off the emotional attachment you have with the past by using the Inner Self Integration technique. We will learn the technique in this module.
        
        OVER DOING - Over Available / Co-Dependent
        
        Giving in a relationship is important task. But Giving too much isn't.
        
        If you're naturally a loving and affectionate person, giving a lot in your relationship just happens through you & you don't even think about it.
        You're thoughtful, you're accommodating, and you're always there for your partner whenever he/she needs you.
        The good news is that there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
        The bad news is that, if you are super-giving, it can backfire on you, when you realize that your partner isn't giving you
        as much in return
        VIDEO - OVERDOING
        It is painful when you try so hard to make a relationship work, but your partner is not willing to try as hard as you do
        Maybe you dont even realize that youre in a relationship where you`re the giver, and your partner is just a taker. And you constantly feel the void without even knowing the reason behind your negative feelings.
        
        VIDEO ENDS
        If doing things for your partner is becoming emotionally draining for you , then you need to see whether you are getting the same amount of time, energy, and support in return or not.
        And If that's case, don't worry, there's a way out. Let's learn
        
        PPT STARTS
        Thats why the most important thing to do, if you want to figure out how to deal with this situation, is to acknowledge that youre in it. Then you should ask yourself why is it that you always feel the need to give and keep your mouth shut, when you get nothing in return.
        If youre in a new relationship, set your boundaries right away. Dont over-invest too soon, before you know your partner better and before youre certain theyll be just as supportive of you as you`re ready to be of them.
        
        PPT ENDS
        There will be times when you need to give more than you receive.
        If doing things doesn't burden you, then there is nothing wrong obviously. May be you just need to learn to ask what you want from your partner.
        There is no need to become calculative in the relationship because there will be areas where you'll receive more than you have expected.
        If you feel grateful and appreciate those areas of your partner, you will receive way more.
        A healthy relationship doesn’t require your attention 24/7.
        A truly balanced partnership is about owning your partner for things that he / she genuinely can't do and also showing the willingness to do whatever it takes to create the friendship.
        
        Get rid of Agreeing - Disagreeing
        I often hear people say "Couples must agree to disagree"
        Fundamentally this statement may appear correct.
        Because one must respect his/her own self, respect own thoughts and opinions.
        Yet I have a little different viewpoint in this concept of Agreement - Disagreement.
        In a situation where your partner is going through a strong negative emotion of frustration or anger or hurt, and you say "I DISAGREE", it won't work out well for him/her. Isn't it ?
        At that moment these words "I disagree" can sound oppositional or confrontational.
        Now this doesn't mean that you have to reject or give up your opinion. Certainly not.
        All i am saying is that, by replacing these words "Agree or Disagree with more collaborative words, you can make a whole lot of a difference in your relationship.
        Instead of saying the word "I disagree" which may have an oppositional tone, if you say
        " I respect your view, also my thought on this is .... Let's find out what best can be done on this"
        Now these words will show your intention, your care. And your partner will find you as a friend. He/she will be ready to negotiate.
        VIDEOS
        Being Friends is all about being a team which doesn't mean you do the same things but you do things together, may be different things yet be together.
        So it's about about Respecting each other's views
        VIDEO ENDS
        
        We have studied this in the earlier modules "
        
        If your partner is very confrontational - there's a different route to take.
        You need to learn to Ask for Help
        Let's learn
        PPT
        
        PPT ends
        So instead of Instead of trying to change your partner, give them your support and grow together, as individuals and as a team
        
        DOMINATION - SUBMISSION
        
        Some people seek a partner who is daring and has leadership traits - simply speaking they like their partner to take the lead.
        While others like partners who support their decisions.
        But it starts getting tricky when either one starts to suffer because of the imbalance.
        There is thin between taking lead and dominating.
        Supporting and submitting.
        It's important to know where to draw the line
        When either of the partner has no choice for making decisions, the relationship starts to suffer.
        Let's learn more
        PPT
        
        PPT ends
        
        By now you have all the tools that you can use to create the friendship. Some people come and say to me, why should I be the giver. And I tell them, that the first relationship that you have is with your own self. Let's see the relationship square once again -
        PPT
        You need to own yourself too, know what you need, get yourself what you need and then you will receive the love for your own self.
        
        Your first relationship is with your own self. And then comes the relationship with your partner. Only when you have love to offer to your partner, you can use the relationship square with your partner
        PPT ends
        
        Nobody wants to dominate or submit. Watch your patterns, work on them, and resolve it with your partner using the connection talk.
        Remember the objective is to collaborate lovingly and create friendship.
        Being a rebel or putting the blame on your partner that he or she has faulty patterns won't work.
        Rather it will add fuel to the fire.
        It's about helping your ownself & your partner to break the patterns & creating friendship.
        
        STORY of Lucas & Mia
        Lucas & Mia were in a relationship for 7 years and
        Mia had walked out of the relationship.
        Both of them came to me after trying a lot by themselves. Their conversations went into ugly blame game.
        When i asked Lucas what's going in your mind. He sounded very anxious. . He said I want Mia back.
        I asked him why does she not want to come, he said because she thinks i dominate and control her and i am sorry for all that i have done. Now this was a critical piece that i found. If he has said sorry, did he mean it. Has he just said it for the sake of it.
        I asked Mia, what makes you come for sessions. She said, I don't want to go back, because I feel lost my identity in the relationship. Lucas wants everything his way. He never asks me what I want. Earlier i have taken it all and now when I rebel, we end up in nasty fights.
        He has said sorry to me 5 times and I have stayed in the relationship, but this time I can't deal with this. The thought of going back haunts me. I am unable to erase the memories of the past.
        Now this is what happens in most relationships. First either of the party submits, thinking that other is dominating. And after some time the blame game starts and this builds layers of past. And finally people quit. For what ? To carry the same patterns in their next relationships.
        Lucas found it difficult to reflect on his dominating patterns. He couldn't believe he was doing it. He had developed this dominating pattern because of his childhood. In childhood, his father never approved him and instead always made him see his flaws. And as a result he developed a faulty survival mechanism. He learnt that when dominates others in advance, nobody attacked him. This worked for him, but costed him his relationships. He believed that he loved Mia, but his love was choking her and turning into possession.
        On the other side, when Mia was a kid, her mother was a very strict parent. As a child she learnt that when she is silent, her mother shouts for sometime and then calms down. This was Mia's submitting pattern. But this made her form layers of negative memories about her mother. Mia was doing the same with Lucas. Because her needs weren't met, and there were fights, her mind was going in circles and was stuck in the past. And now she wasn't able to see that Lucas loved her. Also when the water rose the nose level, Mia rebelled using harsh words and also verbal aggression, which Lucas was very aversive to. And as a result there were ugly fights.
        Both of them learnt about their patterns.
        They learnt that they were not owning each other and the result was blame game.
        They were not aware that respecting personal needs and other's need was the root cause.
        And they learnt to express and understanding the needs & each other's worlds using the connection talk helped.
        Lucas started being compassionate to Mia. Mia started being considerate of herself and Lucas as well, and started seeing the good things he did.
        Also Mia worked on her mind's loops and seeing the present as an opportunity to lovingly tell what she wanted.
- - - - YOU DON'T SEE ANY NEGATIVE IN YOUR PARTNER
        
        EXAMPLE - IF YOU YOUR BEST FRIEND & ME GO OUT FOR A COFFEE - THINK ABOUT THE POSITIVES THAT I WILL LIKE -
        
        WHAT ARE THE NEGATIVES -
        
        MAY BE YOU DON'T SEE OR YOU IGNORE
        
        THIS IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE OWNED
        
        AND IT SHOWS