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6 Personality and Relationships, So your personality includes your…

- - - - There's 4 attachment styles with 2 dimensions: anxiety over abandonment (if they feel they're worthy of love) & avoidance of intimacy (if other's are trustworthy etc.). These low/high levels of anxiety and avoidance will produce the 4 attachment styles.
    - - When a threat to relationship occurs, attachment should be activated so you rely on partner more to reduce the threat. But anxious attachment people have attachment system always active (even when there's no real threat), avoidant attachment style deactivates attachment when threat occurs (so distances themselves from partner),securely attached activate attachment appropriately, and have better/satisfied relationships
    - - Relationship initiation = your attachment style (secure, avoidant, anxious) affects your self-presentation, and it affects your self-disclosure to your partner when a relationship just begins.
      - Relationship consolidation = secures give and receive care & support, experience intimacy and positive affect. Avoidants desire distance & has low levels intimacy and investment. Anxious desire too much closeness, become intrusive.
      - Conflict management = attachment styles affect how you manage conflict within relationships. Secures likely to forgive, accommodate, less jealous. Anxious hyperactivate their attachment style i.e. they try and get even closer to partner, they ruminate and avoid discussion. Avoidant they self-report seeking distance, but observations show they have negative affect and act destructively during conflicts within relationships.
    - - Secures are attractive, then anxious, then avoidants. Anxious-anxious pairing is common, anxious-avoidant is common, avoidant-avoidant is uncommon. Some studies show mixed findings, where some say need to have one secure partner for good relationship outcomes, others say there will be detrimental outcomes even if you have one insecure partner.
      - Anxious-avoidant pairings would fulfill each other's expectations about the relationship: partner will leave anxious individual, partner isn't trustworthy to avoidant individual. Demand-withdrawal patterns.
      - Anxious-anxious pairings have mutual attack and retreat behaviours.
    - - This is a large debate. Firstly the research is all correlational, bc you can't assign attachment styles to people, so we can't draw causal conclusions. Secondly, working model isn't unlikely to change, and this could be due to the self-fulfilling prophecy.
      - Some researchers say attachment styles can change if they have partners who revise their working models. Longitudinal study supports this. The ASEM model also shows that close partners can help individuals become more secure by targeting specific behaviours.
    - - When there's a threat, secures turn to close others or don't take notice, anxiously attached individuals are the first to notice and alert others ('sentinels of danger'), avoidant attached individuals are first to flee the site of danger ('set the trend to flee'). So insecure attachment is evolutionary beneficial on the group level.
- - - - High SE people self-report having better social skills, but other-reports show that High SE people don't have better social skills.
      - High SE can be destructive - when there's an "ego-threat" i.e. a threat to their ego, they become less sociable and behave negatively & become independent - Ashok. But high SE people who didn't experience an ego threat acc don't change their social behaviours.
    - - High SE associated with good and bad outcomes, narcissism may lead to aggression, delinquent behaviours found to be related to both high and low SE, cheating could be due to the bad high SE or the good high SE.
    - - This is where your self-esteem depends on one domain in your life. You spend all your time perfecting this domain, so your self-esteem goes high, but that means you neglect your relationships so you're not a good relational partner (no good outcomes). Studies show that people who fail in this domain then have a lower self-esteem and acc become bad social partners. One domain that people could base their self-esteem on is approval and regard from others.
    - - People with low self-esteem feel they are very unworthy of love, they have really bad relationship outcomes because they always doubt their partners love for them, they think their partners view them in negative disregard (when acc this doesn't exist), they have less constructive responses to conflict (aggression or distancing)
  - - - These are people who have an over-inflated positive self-view and they seek admiration and adoration from others. They get into relationships typically to enhance their self-image. They're very self-orientated in relationships (always speak about the self) and unlikely to have commitment to their partner. They're always are on the lookout for better alternative partners.
    - - People are attracted to narcissists at first due to their high levels of self-confidence, but once people realise what bad partners they are, they turn away from these narcissists. But people who have dependent personality disorders ("echoes") are likely to be attracted to narcissists - willing to engage in lots of unpleasant behaviours, and they neglect self well-being. It's poor outcomes for them bc narcissists won't reciprocate behaviours.