Relationships
Why do we have them
physical appearance is primary basis for attraction and become less important as the relationship goes on because people view each other as more attractive
We like people who are similar to us and can be validating and makes us feel the other person is predictable
we like people who have complementary personalities to our own
we seek out people who can give us rewards that are greater than or equal to the costs we encounter in dealing with the relationship
people like being around competent people to an extent/people who are somewhat flawed remind us of ourselves
people are more likely to create relationships with other people who are in close proximity to us
disclosing info about ourselves in an appropriate setting can build stronger relationships
Models of the dynamics
stages
coming together- initiating, experimenting, intensifying
coming apart- stagnating, avoiding, terminating
Relational maintenance- integrating, bonding, differentiating, circumscribing
tensions
internal dialectic + integration-separation = connection-autonomy
Internal dialectic + stability-change= predictability-novelty
internal dialectic + expression-privacy = openness-closedness
external dialectic + integration- separation= inclusion-seclusion
external dialectic + stability-change= conventionality-uniqueness
external dialectic + expression privacy= revelation-concealment
management
compromising, alternating, compartmentalizing, accepting, reframing, reaffirming
communicating
maintenance
positivity, openness, assurances, social networks, sharing tasks
types of support
emotional, informational, instrumental
repairing
types of transgressions
lack of commitment- failure to honor important obligations
distance- physical and psychological separation
disrespect- criticism (especially in front of other people
problematic emotions- jealousy, unjustified suspicion, rage
aggression- verbal hostility, physical violence
strats
- acknowledgment of responsibility, 2. offer of repair, 3. expression of regret
I've had a few friendships come apart during the years because of distance or I stopped liking the same things they did. It's pretty emotionally difficult in the coming apart stage because you want to still be their friend but it just work workout anymore
I probably have committed a few transgressions within the relationships around me, most likely because of my forgetfulness, which has caused some issues. Usually after awhile, I am forgiven and I don't do what I did again
strangely enough, I never remember the point at which a stranger becomes a friend, it seems to just happen after we introduce ourselves to each other and probably the last thing I do is disclose any info about myself until I'm completely comfortable. But I do remember a friend turning into a stranger