Relationships

Why do we have them

physical appearance is primary basis for attraction and become less important as the relationship goes on because people view each other as more attractive

We like people who are similar to us and can be validating and makes us feel the other person is predictable

we like people who have complementary personalities to our own

we seek out people who can give us rewards that are greater than or equal to the costs we encounter in dealing with the relationship

people like being around competent people to an extent/people who are somewhat flawed remind us of ourselves

people are more likely to create relationships with other people who are in close proximity to us

disclosing info about ourselves in an appropriate setting can build stronger relationships

Models of the dynamics

stages

coming together- initiating, experimenting, intensifying

coming apart- stagnating, avoiding, terminating

Relational maintenance- integrating, bonding, differentiating, circumscribing

tensions

internal dialectic + integration-separation = connection-autonomy

Internal dialectic + stability-change= predictability-novelty

internal dialectic + expression-privacy = openness-closedness

external dialectic + integration- separation= inclusion-seclusion

external dialectic + stability-change= conventionality-uniqueness

external dialectic + expression privacy= revelation-concealment

management

compromising, alternating, compartmentalizing, accepting, reframing, reaffirming

communicating

maintenance

positivity, openness, assurances, social networks, sharing tasks

types of support

emotional, informational, instrumental

repairing

types of transgressions

lack of commitment- failure to honor important obligations

distance- physical and psychological separation

disrespect- criticism (especially in front of other people

problematic emotions- jealousy, unjustified suspicion, rage

aggression- verbal hostility, physical violence

strats

  1. acknowledgment of responsibility, 2. offer of repair, 3. expression of regret

I've had a few friendships come apart during the years because of distance or I stopped liking the same things they did. It's pretty emotionally difficult in the coming apart stage because you want to still be their friend but it just work workout anymore

I probably have committed a few transgressions within the relationships around me, most likely because of my forgetfulness, which has caused some issues. Usually after awhile, I am forgiven and I don't do what I did again

strangely enough, I never remember the point at which a stranger becomes a friend, it seems to just happen after we introduce ourselves to each other and probably the last thing I do is disclose any info about myself until I'm completely comfortable. But I do remember a friend turning into a stranger