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Do it scared - Ruth Soukup - Coggle Diagram

- - - - Fears rejection; will often push people away in order to avoid being rejected first
      - Appears to be fearless and unfazed by what others think
      - Sometimes struggles as part of a team; may self-destruct
      - Is self-motivated and driven to succeed
      - Can be a very effective leader
      - Is persistent and willing to take risks; not easily discouraged by failure
    - - You may harbor a core belief that people cannot be trusted, which makes you reluctant to open up or make yourself vulnerable. This can prevent you from fostering deep and meaningful relationships or even from cultivating useful business connections.
      - • You may be extremely sensitive to any perceived rejection, even if you aren’t actually being rejected.
      - • You can be so driven to prove yourself through achievement that your success comes at the expense of other people and relationships.
      - • You often have trouble working with and collaborating with others.
      - • You may take risks or make decisions that are dangerous, potentially unhealthy, or illegal.
      - • You may push away people who are trying to help you.
      - • You may experience anxiety and fear when you feel like you’re being left out.
      - • You can sometimes lack empathy or a filter. This may in turn be perceived negatively by others, which only adds to your feelings of being rejected.
      - • You can be stubborn and selfish and too often want things to be exactly your way.
      - • You are introverted or antisocial and simply don’t enjoy the company of most people.
  - - - You often avoid taking risks or trying new things because you worry that you don’t have what it takes to be successful in the endeavor.
      - • You may find yourself frequently second-guessing your decisions or changing your mind out of fear that you can’t do it.
      - • Instead of feeling happy for them, you often feel depressed or jealous when you see other people being successful, especially when they’re successful doing something you would like to do but haven’t dared to try.
      - • You may sabotage your relationships by becoming hypercritical of the people closest to you, making them feel like they can never live up to your expectations.
      - • You may be susceptible to peer pressure or to going along with a popular idea because you don’t feel worthy or capable of speaking up.
      - • You may struggle with giving yourself or others grace and have a very hard time giving yourself the freedom to try new things and make mistakes.
      - • You may experience anxiety and fear when you are forced into a situation where you need to take a risk or step outside of your comfort zone, and you don’t believe you possess enough of the required skills.
      - • You may let your own limiting beliefs about your abilities dictate what you allow yourself to do and what you think you’re capable of.
    - - Is plagued by insecurity and feelings of not being good enough
      - Is often paralyzed by self-doubt, which results in feeling stuck
      - Is critical of others as a way to mask insecurity
      - Is a very hard worker and will go above and beyond to do a good job Can be kind and empathetic and a good listener
      - Is often humble and unpretentious
  - - - Derives self-worth from the approval of others
      - Has trouble saying no and struggles to set boundaries
      - Hesitates to take action and fears what others think
      - Is typically well-liked and fun to be around
      - Is thoughtful, considerate, and generous Is a responsible employee and great team player
    - - You may avoid taking action or pursuing a goal because you’re worried and fearful about what others may think or say.
      - • You may be susceptible to peer pressure or to going along with a popular idea or viewpoint simply because it’s what everyone else seems to be doing and because you want to fit in.
      - • You may struggle with saying no to requests, which leaves you overcommitted and with little time for pursuing your own goals and dreams.
      - • You may have a tendency to let people take advantage of your kindness and generosity or to “walk all over you.”
      - • Your irrational fear of letting people down may cause you to give in to the demands of others rather than take a stand or use your own judgment.
      - • You may experience anxiety and fear when you feel like you are being judged or have the potential to be judged in some way.
      - • You may be more concerned with being liked and getting others’ approval than pursuing your own goals and dreams.
  - - - • You may struggle with making the final decision or conclusion if it’s not a decision or conclusion someone else has come to first.
      - • It can be hard for you to voice your own thoughts and opinions, for fear of being held to those opinions later on.
      - • You can be uncomfortable taking the lead if it means you could be held responsible or blamed if something goes wrong.
      - • You are adept at coming up with good excuses or rationalizations for why you shouldn’t attempt something or why you weren’t able to accomplish something, even though in the end those excuses aren’t serving you.
      - • Your tendency to make excuses or shift responsibility can be frustrating to others when it feels like you are unwilling to own your mistakes; this can adversely affect your relationships.
      - • You may experience anxiety, anger, or fear when you feel like you are being pinned down, blamed, or asked to take responsibility for a decision, and you may react by lashing out.
      - • You may struggle with taking risks.
      - • You may be prone to attribute current struggles or setbacks to things that happened in the past, such as a hard childhood, lack of support, or lack of a quality mentor. This prevents you from taking full responsibility in the present.
    - - Tends to be fearful of taking responsibility or being blamed
      - Makes excuses instead of progress
      - Is hesitant to lead or take charge and prefers others to make decisions
      - Is often a good team player
      - Can be a skilled observer who learns from others’ mistakes
      - Is often a great cheerleader
  - - - While you might sometimes dream of doing something new, you will often avoid taking risks, such as switching careers, starting a business, moving to a new city, or to see things in black and white can cause you to be rigid and unforgiving.
      - Your unhealthy fear of authority may cause you to acquiesce to the demands of someone in a position of power rather than take a stand or use your own judgment.
      - You may experience anxiety and fear when you don’t have a specific path or plan of action.
      - You may let set beliefs about your own gender, race, religion, social status, or educational level dictate what you believe you are capable of.
  - - - Fears adversity, yet often seems to be in the midst of it
      - Tends to see hardship as a stop sign rather than a stepping-stone
      - Feels powerless to change her circumstances and may become bitter
      - Tends to be caring and compassionate
      - Possesses a high level of empathy and is often a good listener
      - Is sensitive and bighearted
    - - • You tend to get easily discouraged and have trouble fighting through challenges and adversity. Instead, you get stuck or frustrated in the “messy middle.”
      - • You may sometimes get caught in a cycle of self-pity and a “poor me” mentality, believing that life is unfair or that circumstances have been worse for you than for other people. While this may or may not be accurate, feeling sorry for yourself is only holding you back.
      - • You may struggle with forgiveness and with giving other people grace when you feel you have been wronged.
      - • You may struggle to maintain positive relationships with people whom you perceive as having it better than you. Your tendency to see life as unfair can cause you to be jealous of those you perceive as having been dealt a better hand.
      - • Your fear of pain and adversity may cause you to avoid taking risks—even small ones—or to avoid going after big goals and dreams because even the thought of struggle is very uncomfortable.
      - • You may experience anxiety and fear when you anticipate that something may be hard.
      - • You may allow set beliefs about the things that have happened to you, your life circumstances, or the way people have treated you in the past to dictate what you believe you are capable of.
- - - - everyone needs someone who we trust to tell us the truth
    - - It’s important to hear other points of view, even when you don’t agree with them. Listening to the thoughts of someone who doesn’t agree with you forces you to solidify your own beliefs. And fighting to make things better will get you better results.
  - - - a good excuse is still an excuse
      - as long as you are looking for a reason not to you will always find one
      - refuse to let circumstances dictate who you are and who you become
    - - you don't need a hero
      - waiting won't get you anywhere
      - action is the antidote to fear - go out and get it
      - the only thing stopping you is you
    - - you can't control what happens to you or what other people do but you can control how you respond
      - “To teach ourselves to self-motivate more easily, we need to see our choices not just as expressions of control but also as affirmations of our values and goals.”
      - taking complete and total responsibility is freeing
      - When you take ownership, you don’t have to worry about what happens to you, how other people may treat you, or what obstacles may come your way, because ultimately you are in control.
  - - - wishing for a smooth ride is counter productive to creating a life we love
      - the bumps in the road are where we learn the good stuff
      - with every misstep or mistake is a golden opportunity to grow and get better
    - - the pain of regret is worse than failure
      - Mistakes only hurt for a little while, but regret can follow you for the rest of your life.
      - Focus on the only thing you can control—the choices you make from here on out. And remind yourself: there are no mistakes, only lessons.
  - - - Greatness almost always comes from obsession
      - The most successful people are those willing to make sacrifices and put in the hard work, to forgo balance in favor of focus in one very targeted area
      - Perhaps also a compelling sense of purpose
    - - no season good or bad lasts forever
      - seasons change and with them our perspective or what matters the most
    - - Be clear about your why
      - Consult with your spouse or children or partner
      - redeem your time
      - stop comparing
      - Own your choices
  - - - just because someone or everyone says something doesn't make it true
      - ask -
        does this actually make sense?
        is this really a giant emergency?
        could there be a different perspective?
    - - authority isnt all bad but it should never be blindly accepted or taken at face value, you should be willing to actively question it.
    - - their rules dont have to be your rules - never be afraid to think for yourself
  - - - the only thing you can control is the way you respond.
      - the only thing you can control is you
      - choose joy happiness and forgiveness
    - - the smooth road doesn't exist - things will go wrong and challenge you
    - - action is the antidote to fear
      - our qualities are not carves in stone
      - Instead, it’s your grit and perseverance and your willingness to work hard and keep working hard that will make all the difference.
      - Courage, then, is a muscle that needs to be strengthened each day. Courage is a daily decision. It’s a conscious choice to take that next step, and then to take the next one after that.
      - nothing will ever take the place of persistence.
  - - - Think big and set stretch goals
    - - • What have I always wanted to do?
      - • What am I interested in or passionate about that I’ve never dared to pursue?
      - • What would I do if nothing stood in my way?
      - • What motivates me or gets me excited to jump out of bed in the morning?
      - • What did I dream about doing before life got in the way?
      - • Where would I like to see myself five years or ten years from now?
      - • What would be the ultimate dream life for me? What does it look like?
      - turn off all those voices in your head that say u can't
    - - Block out time every day
      - Create a life you love not just one that you tolerate
- - - - What would you do if there were no limitations / money / education / geography etc
      - What have I always wanted to do?
      - • What am I interested in or passionate about that I’ve never dared to pursue?
      - • What would I do if nothing stood in my way?
      - • What motivates me or gets me excited to jump out of bed in the morning?
      - • What did I dream about doing before life got in the way?
      - • Where would I like to see myself five years or ten years from now?
      - • What would be the ultimate dream life for me? What does it look like?
      - Take 30 mins and answer the following questions - brainstorm - there are no stupid answers and no limitations come up with a big dream list
    - - But do look at all the things you’ve dreamed about in step 1, and ask yourself the following questions:
        
        • Why does this idea excite me, or why is this goal important to me?
        
        • Do I feel a flutter in my belly or a tightening in my chest when I think about this goal or idea? Does it scare me? Why or why not?
        
        • On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being not that excited and 10 being so excited I can hardly breathe, how excited am I about this goal or idea?
      - remove anything not over an 8
      - identify the one goal that sparks the most passion and excitement
    - - Fully commit to this one big goal
      - do whatever it takes to make it real
      - the key to success is grit and determination
  - - - If the why feels too hard right now, then focus on creating an environment around you that will set you up for success. You may not have control over every circumstance in your life, but you do have control over far more than you realize. Put those safeguards in place and manufacture the catalysts that you know will eventually lead to change.
      - Use your catalysts
        • trauma, tragedy, or major life event
        • an outside opportunity
        • accountability or encouragement
        • inspiration or education
        • dissatisfaction with the status quo and a conscious choice to make a change
    - - connect your smaller goals and motivation to your one keystone goal
      - find your overriding purpose in mind eg. Jack
    - - keep reminding yourself of what is important
      - The point is to make sure you’re doing everything in your power to continually connect to your why and to keep that higher purpose top of mind.
      - It should be something you refer back to daily, even multiple times a day if you have to.
      - It should be the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about at night.
      - That way, when the going gets tough, you’ll be equipped with a why big enough to crush every fear.
  - - - What you want, and what you view as success, is a destination that is unique to you
      - at the end of the day, you are the one who has to live it, and live with it.
    - - Creating a life you love starts with appreciating the life you have . So stop comparing. Create the life you love, not the life someone else wants.
    - - Creating the plan is not the hard part; putting your head down, keeping your blinders on, trusting the plan, and actually doing the work— that’s the hard part!
      - Once you have your goal in front of you and your plan in place, put your blinders on. Stop looking around and stop comparing. Trust the process and understand that it’s supposed to be hard . If it were easy, everyone would be doing it.
      - Remember, the greatest accomplishments are the ones you have to work for.
  - - - at the core of your being, that the only thing you will ever be able to control is you .
      - You can’t control what happens to you or how people treat you, but you can control how you choose to respond.
    - - can be from books or podcasts
      - ensure the mentor actually has experience in the field - look into their background
    - - Even a good excuse is still just an excuse. The only way to escape the disease of excusitis is to refuse to make it an option under any circumstances.
      - Stop giving yourself a way out, and instead push through.
  - - - Be purposefully busy toward your major goal
      - work backwards from that goal to now
      - break big goal into smaller milestones then into manageable bites
    - - Have 1 big task that must be done this week
      - then 3 A tasks that must be done these are tasks that get you towards your big goals
      - then B tasks that should be done if possible but after A tasks
      - Then C tasks that would be nice to do if time
      - Never work on a B task when A tasks remain -
        method is from EAT THAT FROG
      - Now block out time for your A & B Tasks
      - • Always block out more time for an important task than you think you’ll need. Things almost always take longer than we think they will! Start by giving yourself twice as much time as you think you’ll need, and then maybe drop it down to 50 percent more once you’ve gotten better at estimating.
        • If you can, try to block your time into one- to two-hour chunks. Research shows that this is the optimum amount of time to work in one stretch—long enough that you can really dig in, but not so long that your brain turns off.
        • Schedule buffer blocks each day. Buffer blocks are chunks of unstructured time you can use to catch up if you get behind or to handle any urgent matters that come up that day. Keep in mind that the more unpredictable your day, the more buffer time you should include in your schedule.
        • Don’t forget to account for time spent commuting and/or getting ready.
        • Don’t be shy about scheduling blocks for fun and recreation—time for exercise, meditation, watching TV, reading, family time, or just unstructured free time. Everyone needs a break sometimes, and planning for downtime allows you to enjoy it guilt-free, knowing there’s nothing else you “should” be doing right then.
    - - Put your long term goal first
      - eat the frog first
      - make a habit of doing the most important thing first
    - - -MY ONE THING. What’s the one thing you can do today to make everything else easier? This should be your main focus for the day. Make sure the tasks you choose reflect this focus.
      - -MUST DOS. These are your “A” tasks, the things that will bring you one step closer to your big goals. Put them first on your list so you are sure to make time for them.
      - -SHOULD DOS. These are your “B” tasks, the things that need to be done but don’t if you have time but won’t feel too bad if you can’t. Be careful not to put any “A” tasks here!
      - -OTHERS NEED FROM ME. This is where you include any requests from other people—tasks that you have been asked by someone else to do, but that might not necessarily fit into the rest of your day.
      - -A SUCCESSFUL DAY IS . . . How will you measure the success of your day? What has to happen for you to feel like you crushed it? Is there one thing in particular? Or is it just managing to stay focused all day? Set your intention ahead of time so you have a clear mark for success.
      - -HOW I’LL CELEBRATE. How will you celebrate your win? Celebrating keeps you energized and excited about your productivity and reminds you that you are making progress. Be sure to pick a way to treat yourself!
  - - - In the end, you need to find the joy in the journey, not just the destination.
      - remember to look back and take stock of how far you’ve come.
    - - Just because the voice in our head is telling us that something is true doesn’t mean it actually is true.
      - Come up with a new script that changes the bad message to a new positive believable one - reset your truth and begin to believe and internalize the new message
      - change the script and you will change you outlook
    - - Take time to take care of yourself
      - When you adjust your own mask before assisting others, your act of self-care is actually one of the least selfish things you can do.
    - - Courage is a daily decision—one that requires the willingness to act, even in the face of fear, and to keep taking steps toward your goals, even when you’re not always sure where the path is going to lead.
      - But even as you push toward your goals, it’s easy to forget how far you’ve come, which is why it’s so important to make sure you are not only looking forward but also looking back.
      - DOCUMENT YOUR SUCCESS
      - keep a gratitude journal or success log
    - - Actively work at staying motivated, and make encouragement and inspiration a priority so the progress you make doesn’t fade away.
  - - - we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with
      - its ok to conform as long as you are conforming to norms you actually want to be
    - - open yourself to the possibility or new people and experiences
      - join a club or group
      - get outside your comfort zone
    - - find at least 1 person who can provide accountability
      - or maybe different people for different roles
      - Get clear about your goals.
      - Dare to be vulnerable.
      - Get clear about your goals.
      - Set some ground rules.
      - Be intentional with your time.
      - Check in regularly.
      - Ask questions and push back.