[Parenting Book] How to talk so kids will listen & Listen so kids will talk

  1. Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings
  1. Engaging Cooperation

Describe. What you see or problem

Give information

Say it with a word

Talk about your feelings

Write a note

Listen with full attention

Acknowledge their feelings with a word-"Oh", "Mmm", ... "I see."

Give their feelings a name

Give them their wishes in fantasy

Cautions

Make choice

Do not say 'please'

Use humor

Ask kid to repeat what we said

Ask how much time needed before kid starts

followed by a solution

  1. Alternatives to Punishment

Point out a way to be helpful

Express strong disapproval(without attacking character)

State your expectations

Show the child how to make amends

Offer a choice

Take action

Allow the child to experience the consequences of his misbehavior

  1. Encouraging autonomy

Let Children make choices

Show respect for a child's struggle

Don't ask too many questions

Don't rush to answer questions

Encourage children to use sources outside the home

Don't take away hope

Let He own her own body

Stay out of the minutiae of a child's life.

Don't talk about a child in front of him-no matter how young the child.

Let a child answer for himself

Show respect for your child's eventual "readiness"

Watch out for too many "Nos."

Give information.

Accept feelings

Describe the problem

When possible, substitute a "Yes" for a "No", More "Yes, and ..."

Give yourself time to think.

More about advice

a) Help her sort out her tangled thoughts and feelings

b) Restate the problem as a question

c) Point out resources your child can use outside the home

  1. Praise

Describe what you see

Describe what you feel

Sum up the child's praiseworthy behavior with a word.

  1. Freeing children from playing roles

Organized, flexible, courage, self-control, patient, resourceful, take initiative, perseverance

Some cautious

Appropriate to age

Avoid hints at past weaknesses or failures

Do not excessive enthusiam

Be prepared for lot of repetition

You must be so proud of yourself

Accept mistakes and view them as part of learning process

Look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself or herself

Put children in situations where they can see themselves differently

Let children overhear you say something positive about them

Model the behavior you'd like to see

Be a storehouse for your child's special moments.

When your child behaves according to the old label, state your feelings and/or your expectations.