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Life Coaching Certification Kain Ramsey (Section 2 - Self Awareness and…

- - - - Trust depends on the assumption that the other person is not trying to cause harm
      - Intentions are key to motivations and correcting motivations
      - Nobody wakes up saying "I'd really like to go offend someone/waste time and effort/make a mistake today"
    - - Outcomes can be based on previous outcomes to previous similar decisions in the past
        
        if these outcomes were bad, the outcomes can be incorrectly assumed to be bad in the future
        
        Shift perspective to planning and execution to avoid those pitfalls, or understanding that those pitfalls are part of the process (rejection and failure) and we use them to learn and progress.
    - - Nobody is perfect, either
      - Many believe that they are
        
        Victim Mentality
        
        External Locus of Control
      - We need to make people believe that they are NOT broken
    - - Limited only by physics
        
        Even those rules change
      - The only reason we can't achieve what is physically possible is due to our own limitations caused by past beliefs and incorrect assumptions
      - It just requires the proper strategy, habits, and priorities
    - - Victim mentality is prevalent
      - People believe themselves broken and unable
      - Important to maintain that I, as your coach, am not your savior, merely a person with specific skillsets that I have learned to teach to others
      - We are not in charge of what happens to us, but we are in charge of how we REACT to what happens to us
        
        Living inside-out: my inner world determines my outer world
  - - - Circumstances, external distractions, factors outside the focus
      - Awareness of these factors is necessary, as they impact our mood and ability to internalize information
    - - Thinking of what I want to say next, rather than focusing on understanding what is being said
      - Take appropriate time to formulate responses between talking points, don't rush into your response
        
        There are social positives to this, as well, such as increased power/presence (taking time to pause asserts oneself in the social group and can make others uncomfortable, will sometimes prompt divulsion of more information than intended)
    - - Understanding is more powerful than information
    - - Worrying more about the superficial than about the underlying, more important points
      - How do YOU like being judged?
    - - Coaching isn't about solving people's problems, but empowering them to solve THEIR OWN problems.
      - Need to maintain awareness, as a coach, that I can become a savior to some, and that position can affect my own ego
      - Don't allow them to transfer the victim mentality on to you
    - - Opinions are not truth
        
        They are the best interpretation of the truth that we have (or that we allow), but they are limited by our own perspectives and experiences
      - Plato suggested that Opinion is the medium between truth and ignorance
      - Personal view cannot get in the way of truth, or it becomes a lie in and of itself
- - - - Not only being aware of the external, but also internal.
        Not just "what is out there", but also "what is inside"
    - - The value that we place on ourselves, our skills, our time, our resources
    - - Who do we want to become, what are we working towards?
    - - How we feel about and regard ourselves.
  - - - Kain had difficulty exiting the military, as when he lost that "soldier" identity he gained his previously acquired, and negative, "civilian" identity. Led to self-esteem and self-worth problems.
        
        To combat this, he became dependent on substances.
        
        This is actively "digging the hole deeper".
        Tried suicide 3 times.
        
        Pete (remember from mindfulness course?) came along and offered help, offering steps that he had himself used to get through this time in his own life, rebuilding Kain's self-identity and, thus, his self-worth.
  - - - Create a vision. Without vision, it is difficult to get through the negative (Covey - without a powerful "yes", the "no"s become very strong
      - Giving fish creates codependency, the client becomes dependent on the coach and does not become empowered, themselves.
      - Even more powerful: teach others how to teach others to fish...
  - - - Think back to a negative experience...something that hurt...how did you feel?...what would you label that feeling?...
        
        Same process, but with a positive experience
        
        Shows you that nothing but the words and the memories are "making" you feel a particular way.
        You can also actively manage your own emotions by using the positive scenario. When you feel negative, remember on (or FOCUS on) something positive.
  - - - Mind - thoughts
        Question: when was the last time you controlled a random thought popping into your mind? (we don't, we can control the focus)
      - Will - what we choose to focus on (not all thoughts are true)
      - Emotions - feelings, determined in a very large way by what thoughts we choose to focus on
  - - - Actions:
        
        Reactions - Emotional
        
        Responses - Rational
  - - - Mindful breathing
      - Symbol visualization
      - Simple counting or syllables (sa ta na ma)
  - - - Anxiety ----- Fear
        
        Guilt ----- Shame
        
        The previous process is referred to as a "Pre-Neurotic State"
        
        Guilt/Shame propels into a downward spiral: "I'm Useless/Worthless/Helpless/Hopeless"
        
        This is the "Neurotic State", where we fundamentally believe the negative self talk and have given up.
        
        People in this state will not go and take action without help coping with these neuroses. It is VERY difficult to coach people in this state, they would be better served by counselors/talk therapy.
        Coaching is not about helping people "feel better", but about helping people take action. If they will not take action, we can do little in our context.
        
        The 5 Why's:
        "Why does this make me feel x?" 5 times.
  - - - People can choose happiness or fulfillment. Those who choose happiness are prone to instant gratification. People who are driven by instant gratification are usually neurotic/low and end up in circles.
    - - Focus on this is key, as it keeps our behaviors and goals in line
  - - - Who are you?
- - - - When you base your labels on How/What are you, what happens if that label goes away? What happens when you lose your job? What happens if you lose your faith?
      - Who we are is based on intrinsic, universal values.
    - - Soldier
      - Religion
      - CEO
      - Mother/Father/Son/Daughter
      - Democrat/Republican
    - - Good/Bad
      - Worthless
      - Valuable
      - Right/Wrong
    - - Honest
      - Loving
      - Creative
      - Sincere
      - Compassionate
  - - - Loving
      - Caring
      - Creative
      - Passionate
      - Honest
      - Sincere
      - Loyal
      - Growing/Expanding
      - Responsible
      - Mature
  - - - Could you ever be as good at being someone who is "good enough"? No, you are not them. So be you, and do that to the best of your ability, and that is what "good enough" means.
      - "Not good enough" will usually be due to comparison to someone else.
  - - - Self-worth and identity limit us or set us free.
    - - Fundamental belief that the world is "bad" or "evil" limits our involvement and willingness to engage.
      - These beliefs can be from experience, or from imposed beliefs, etc.
    - - If we believe in a "creator", then we must be "created", and created things have purpose.
    - - Is this true all the time?
      - Does this belief serve you or anyone else?
  - - - We move past our juvenile beliefs as we grow. If this does not happen, this can create negative or limiting beliefs.
- - - - Someone comes to you with all the details and nitty gritty of the problem. We can ask "Why is this is a problem? What is it that we WANT to happen (positive focus, more rational mind). What outcome to we want or expect? For what purpose?"
        
        Now we can start goal setting and chunking back down to the details and specifics with the perspective of active, conscious growth and personal responsibility.
      - Kain recommends NLP (which he would, as he has a course on it), but it does sound interesting from past encounters with it and would be a good next step.
  - - - It is important that we, as Coaches, step outside of our own subjective POV (2nd perspective) and into a 3rd perspective (based on virtues, truths, and principles)
- - - - Stress = Time (how much time is available to us)+ Space (how much time is available before our deadline)
    - - Failure to Plan is Planning to Fail
  - - - What part have you played?
      - What do you want?
      - What is the first step?
- - - - I also know what it is to turn that around, to change my mindset, to establish goals, to do all of the prior steps. I am now able to set and accomplish goals, create plans to get there, identify the beliefs and habits that are holding me back and "ditch" them. I also have tools available that will help me teach others to do so, from planning to communicating. It is now my turn to become "Pete" for others, to give back to other people what I have not achieved entirely on my own either. I have also had help, from people in my life and from knowledge I have received (Books/courses/articles)