Chapter 8
Vocabulary
Key Ideas
Examples from your life
Examples from the book
Disconfirming messages: Words and actions that express a lack of caring or respect for another person
Criticism: A message that is personal, all en-compassing, and accusatory
Confirming messages: Actions and words that express respect and show that we value the other person
Contempt: Verbal and nonverbal messages that ridicule or belittle the other person
Communication climate: The emotional tone of a relationship as it is expressed in the messages that the partners send and receive
Defensiveness: Protecting oneself by counterattacking the other person
Conflict: An expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards, snd interference from the other party in achieving their goals
Stonewalling: Refusing to engage with the other person
Relational spiral: A reciprocal communication pattern in which each person's message reinforces the other's
Escalatory spiral: A reciprocal pattern of communication in which messages, either confirming or disconfirming between two or more communications reinforce one another
Avoidance spiral: A communication spiral in which the parties slowly reduce their dependence on one another, withdraw and become less invested in the relationship
Nonassertion: The inability or unwillingness to express one's thoughts or feelings
Indirect communication: Hinting at a message instead of expressing thoughts and feelings directly
lose-lose problem solving: An approach to conflict resolution in which neither party achieves its goals
Passive aggression: An indirect expression of aggression, delivered in a way that allows the sender to maintain a facade of kindness
compromise: An approach to conflict resolution in which both parties attain at least part of what they seek by giving something up
Direct aggression: A message that attacks the position and perhaps the dignity of the receiver
win-win problem solving: An approach to conflict resolution in which the parties work together to satisfy all their goals
Assertive communication: A style of communicating that directly expresses the sender's needs, thoughts or feelings, delivered in a way that does not attack the receiver
Understanding Interpersonal conflict
Communication climates in Interpersonal Relationships
Expressed struggle, Interdependence, Perceived incompatible goals, Perceived scarce resources are all functions of UIC
Every relationship has a communication climate (emotional tone)
Communication climate influences how people respond when conflict emerges in a relationship
Confirming messages: Showing recognition, acknowledge the person's thoughts and feelings, show that you agree
Disconfirming messages: Criticism is personal, accusatory
Approaches to conflict
Styles of expressing conflict: Nonassertion, Indirect communication, passive aggression, assertion
Characteristics of an assertive message: 1. Describe the behavior in question. 2. Share your interpretation 3. Describe your feelings 4. Describe the consequences 5. State your intentions
Gender and conflict style: During arguments, men tend to experience greater physiological arousal than women. Women are more likely than men to use indirect strategies instead of confronting conflict head on.
Cultural influences on conflict: High context cultures value self-restraint and avoid confrontation. While low context cultures like being direct and literal .
Conflict in online communication: Delay, disinhibition, permanence.
Managing Interpersonal conflict
Methods for conflict resolution: Win or lose. lose-lose, compromise.
Disconfirming messages: If a partner says to one another "you aren't even worth my time"
Communication climates: Two classes both have syllabuses, one might be comfortable and easy to understand while the other might be hard
Approaches to conflict: Nonassertion: you might let a friend's annoying grumpiness pass without saying anything knowing that he is having one of his rare bad days
Perceived scarce resources: If a person asks for a pay raise, and the boss would rather keep the money or use it to expand the business.
Passive aggression: Guiltmakers try to make you feel bad: I really should be studying but i'll give you a ride
Expressed struggle: Giving nonverbal cues, such as giving your neighbor a bad look
Direct aggression: You don't know what you're talking about or That was a stupid thing to do.
Assertive message: "Maybe you think I don't care because it took me two days to call you back".
Gender and conflict style: Commonalities: Men and women are roughly the same in terms of how much closeness they desire in relationships and the value they place on sharing ideas and feelings.
Cultural influences on conflict: High context cultures like Japan even a simple request like close the door may seem too straightforward
Win -win situation: Explore your unmet needs: I am having an emotional reaction to whats happened and I want to understand
Nonassertion is always a solution I come to because I want to understand other people and think they deserve a second chance when things go wrong.
Living in both high context and low context cultures I understands the differences for dealing with conflict. As a result I have used two methods in times when I thought it was advantageous.
I have used direct aggression towards my parents a lot in order to defend my side but it has never brought me a lot of solutions
During work, I have used passive aggression in order to make the other person understand what I am going through.