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CONF 320 final (Intervention and resolution (W&H 136 - power can be…

- - - - Wilmot and hocker (77, 80) - say that goals are often misunderstood, especially when revolving around an important relationship
      - We want to maintain a healthy relationship, need to take a more integrative approach - taking account of the other persons needs as well as my own needs. The better we understand each others objectives, the more effective we will be able to solve the problem
      - Relational goals - Who are we in relation to each other? Mother and only child. This also affects how we want to be treated by one another.
      - Mother wants to be treated with respect, also wants to be made assure of my own safety and success as that is her highest concern. I want to be treated like an adult by her and have freedom to make my own decisions in life.
      - What kind of unit are we? Mother and child, a kind of relationship that goes on indefinitely, so we need to maintain it
      - By making this clear between the two of us when approaching this conflict, it should hopefully change the communication style to be that of understanding, open, honest, and productive
      - Wilmot and hocker say - each person translates the same even into his or her own relational meaning - conflict is interpreted differently by each participant when it revolves around a relational goal. Perhaps that is what has caused this conflict to escalate the way it has, instead of understanding the other persons goals, we have misinterpreted the others actions to be incompatible with what we desire. I admit I have assumed her to be dogmatic and demanding rather than concerned for my wellbeing, and she might view my actions to be rebellious and retaliation rather than seeing the importance of me wanting to be more free and independent
- - - - My style
        
        avoidance/accommodation - Wilmot Hocker (157) - avoidance of conflict leads to a cycle that is self-perpetuating. I have experienced this, as the conflict has not changed at all and myself, if not my mother as well, feel a self-perpetuating pattern in the way this conflict plays out.
        
        We both have the perception that conflict should be avoided, so we dont take active measures to find a solution where both sides are satisfied, this has led to me not being satisfied in my desire for more independence from my mother's decisions concerning me.
        
        That is not to say that avoidance is not helpful in some relationships when dealing with conflict, however, due to the importance and indefinite nature of this relationship, avoidance leads to the perpetual nature
        
        Culture also plays a key role in the way we approach conflict - W&H 160 - Eastern collectivist cultures tend to avoid in order to preserve congeniality and consenseus out of the sensitifity towards others feelings. It is true that we dont fight about the idea of curfew anymore due to the fact that I have accommodated my mother and avoid any further discussion of the issue, but as a result, the needs of the individuals involved in the conflict have been neglected.
      - Mother style
        
        Changes in style
        
        How she perceives my style
- - - - Mixed, half white half asian.
    - - Wilmot and Hocker (114) - power is more about social relationship than a quality of the individual. We both naturally feel that she has more power due to her social relationship to me as my mother and my parent
      - Not only that but despite my desire for independence, I still have to recognize my dependency on her for many things, such as financial dependence while i am still a student. Wilmot & Hocker (115) PAB = DBA - power of A over B insinuates the dependence that B as on A. My mother is person A, having power over me, and I am person B have dependency on my mother.
      - Relational theory of power(114-118)
      - It has always seemed to me that the lack of power on my end has made it very difficult to attain the goals I wish to achieve. However, I have always viewed the relationship of power from a single dimensional perspective. The reality of the relationship is much more that of interdependence than purely dependency. My mother is dependent to me based off of her motivational desires to see me succeed in life, something that in the end I can only achieve myself, thus giving me "power" over her, though very different from the conventional understanding of power. What this means however is that she is ultimately invested in me someday becoming an independent individual allowed the freedoms to do what I want. In this sense, our desires are not mutually exclusive at all.