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Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck (8.The Importance of Saying NO (The only…
Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck
1.Dont'try
Feedback loop from Hell
Backward law
Hey-my-life-is-cooler-then-yours
Because when you give to many fucks about everything you will feel entitled to be comfortable and happy at all times.
Practical enlightment
2.Happiness is a problem
Life is a form of suffering. Rich suffer, poor suffer.
Hapiness is not a solvable equation. If achive X then i am happy.
Pain and misery aren't a bug of human evolution; they're a feature.
Problems never fucking go away, they just improve. Solution to one problem is creating of another.
Life is essentially an endless series of problems. Don't hope for life without problems, there's no such a thing. hope for a life full of good problems.
Hapiness = Solving problems = Action!
Emotions are simply biological signals designed to nudge you in direction of beneficial change.
3. You Are Not Special
The true measurement of self-worth is not how a person feels about her positive experiences, but rather how she feels about her negative experiences.
I am awesome/suck -> special treatment
Accept mediocrity, way to improve.
Average != Failure
4.The Value Of Suffering
Self-Awareness Onion
Understanding emotions 2.why 3.how i value this
Values -> problems => problems -> life.
Not how you see. How you choose to measure it and value it
Good values and metrics = Pleasure and success emerge as result
Good values are 1) reality based 2) socially constructive 3)immediate and controllable
Good values -> inside Bad values -> outisde
5. You Are Always Choosing
We don’t get to choose what happens to us—but we always get to choose how we react to it.
Responsibility != fault ( baby at door example )
While she was to blame for how i felt, she was never responsible for how i felt. I was.
By not choosing you already choosed
You are already choosing, in every moment what to give a f about, so change is simple as choosing to give a f about something else. Its really simple but not easy.
6. You Are Wrong About Everything
When we learn something we don't go from wrong to right rather from wrong to less wrong.
We shouldn't seek perfect answer but rather we should seek the ways that we're wrong today so we can be a little less wrong
Certainty is the enemy of growth.
We don't know what is a positive/negative experience. Some of the worst moments of life also end up being most formative and motivating.
The more you try to be certain about something the more uncertain and insecure you will feel
Menson law
Kill yourself -> We should let go idea that we exist at all.
Don't be special, don't be unique -> Friend, Student, Partner, Creator
If it feel like it's you versus the world, chances are it's really just you versus yourself
7. Failure Is A Way Forward
Improvement is based on thousands of tiny failures.
Baby steps
Our pain often makes us stronger, more resilient, more grounded
Fear and anxiety and sadness are not necessarily always undesirable states, rather they are often representative of the necessary pain of psychological growth
Pain is a part of process. Its important to feel it.
If you try to cover up the pain then you are never generate the motivation to actually change.
VCR questions -> But how? -> EASY
DO SOMETHING -> ACTION -> INSPIRATION -> MOTIVATION
Even failure pushes you forward.
8.The Importance of Saying NO
The only way to achieve meaning in life through rejection of alternatives.
We need to reject something or we stand for nothing.
We must give a fuck about something in order to value something. And to value something we must reject what is not that something. To Value X we must reject non-X
Honesty in our lives is becoming comfortable with saying and hearing the word "no"
People in healthy relationship with strong boundaries will take responsibility for their own values and problems and not take responsibility for their partner's values and problems
If you don't have responsibility for yourself. You never develop strong values for yourself. Your only values becomes making your partner happy or partner making you happy
People shouldn't solve your problems or vice versa because that wont make you happy. Happiness = solving problems.
Conflict is not only normal, its absolutely necessary for the maintenance of a healthy relationship
Without trust in relationship everything is meaningless
Paradox of choice
Commitment makes decision-making easier and removes FOMO
9.And Then You Die
Deadth is the light by which the shadow of all of life's meaning is measured.
Death Terror
immortality projects
While DEATH is bad, it is inevitable. There for we should not avoid this realization, but rather come to terms with it as best we can.
Keep death in mind at all the times in order to appreciate life more and remain humble in the face of its adversities.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
Death is the only thing we can know with any certainty.
The more i peer into the darkness, the brighter life gets, the quieter the world become and the less unconscious resistance i feel to, well anything