Ten Ways to have a Better Conversation
by Celeste Headlee
The Top Ten Rules
Why
1. Don’t multitask.
Be present.
If you want to get out of the conversation, get out of the conversation.
3. Use open ended questions.
2. Don’t pontificate (to speak or write and give your opinion about something as if you knew everything about it and as if only your opinion was correct).
“Everyone you will ever meet knows something that you don’t.” - Bill Nye.
“True listening requires a setting aside of oneself.”
Enter any conversation assuming you have something to learn!
Pundits are predictable and boring.
“Every conversation has the potential to devolve into an argument.”
“Even the most trivial of issues have someone passionately fighting both for and against it.”
“We’re less likely to compromise.”
“We’re not listening to each other. A conversation requires a balance between talking and listening.”
“Technology, smartphones and texting.”
“Conversational competence might be the single most overlooked skill we fail to teach.”
“Is there any 21st century skill more important than being able to sustain coherent, competent conversation?”
Use who, what, where, when, why and how to ask effective questions; and to get a much more interesting response.
4. Go with the flow.
Force unrelated questions, stories and ideas you have out of your mind so you can listen to and respect what the other person is saying.
5. If you don’t know, say that you don’t know.
Air on the side of caution.
6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs.
All experiences are individual. It is not about you.
You don’t need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are, and how you’ve suffered.
Conversations are not a promotional activity!
7. Try not to repeat yourself.
Don’t rephrase your same point over and over.
8. “Stay out of the weeds”.
You don’t need to back yourself up with name, dates and details, exist in the moment.
Peppering your conversation with details is fine but only if it benefits your listener, not your own peace of mind.
9. Listen.
“No man ever listened his way out of a job.”
We’d rather talk because we: like to control the conversation, get attention, bolster our identity.
“Most of us don’t listen to understand, we listen to get a reply.”
10. Be brief.
Conversational Settings
With friends.
With family.
With a partner or spouse.
With an employer.
With a teacher or instructor.
With a student.
With the authorities.
With a stranger.
Brief Takeaways
Be interested in other people.
Give other people your full attention.
Sometimes, it feels great to just be listened to.
"Keep your mouth shut, eyes open and prepare to be amazed."