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Chapter 10: Attraction and Intimacy (What leads to friendships and…
Chapter 10: Attraction and Intimacy
Humans have a need to belong: a motivation to bond with others in relationships that provide ongoing, positive interactions
What leads to friendships and attraction?
Similarity
When others think as we do, we not only appreciate their attitudes, but also make positive inferences about their character
Complementarity: the popularly supposed tendency, in a relationship between 2 people, for each to complete what is missing in the other
Feeling liked
Proximity and attractiveness influence our initial attraction, similarity influences long term attraction
Integration: use of strategies, such as flattery, by which people seek to gain another's favour
Physical attactivenss
Matching phenomenon: the tendency for men and women to choose as partners those who are a good match in attractiveness and other traits
Physical attractiveness stereotype: presumption that physically attractive people possess other socially desirable traits as well: what is beautiful is good
Attractiveness most affects first impressions
Reward theory of attraction: theory that we like those whose behaviour is rewarding to us or whom we associate with rewarding events
Proximity
Geographical nearness powerfully predicts liking
Anticipatory liking: expecting that someone will be pleasant and compatible: increases the chance of a rewarding relationship
Mere-exposure effect: tendency for novel stimuli to be liked more or rate more positively after the rater has been repeatedly exposed to them
What is love?
Passionate love: state of intense longing for union with another
Compassionate love: affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined/ unlike passionate, compassionate can last a lifetime
What enables close relationships?
Equity
Condition in which the outcomes people receive from a relationship are proportional to what they contribute to it
Self-disclosure
Revealing intimate aspects of oneself to others
Disclosure reciprocity: tendency for one person's intimacy of self-disclosure to match that of a conversational partner
Attachment
Passionate love has some added features
Preoccupied attachment: attachments marked by a sense of one's own unworthiness and anxiety
Dismissive attachment: avoidant relationship style marked by a distrust of others
Secure attachment: attachments rooted in trust and marked by intimacy
Dismissive attachment: avoidant relationship style marked by a fear of rejection
How do relationships end
Severing bonds produces a predictable sequence of preoccupation with the lost partner, followed by deep sadness and the beginnings of emotional detachment and a return to normal living
Ways of coping
Loyalty: waiting for conditions to improve
Neglect: ignore their partner and allow the relationship to deteriote
Voice their concerns and take active steps to improve the relationship
Alek Karthikeyan
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