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Chapter 8 (Steps in Win-Win Problem Solving (Discuss ways to meet your…

- - - - Generate a number of possible solutions
        
        Evaluate the alternative solutions
        
        Decide on the best solution
- - - - Passive Aggression- an indirect expression of aggression, delivered in a way that allows the sender to maintain a facade of kindness
        
        Jokers use humor as a weapon (ex. someone saying something mean and saying it was just a joke)
        
        Trivial Tyrannizers do small things to drive you crazy. (ex. "forgetting" to do lots of things)
        
        Guiltmakers try to make you feel bad. (ex. "I really need to ___ but sure ill help you out.")
        
        Withholders keep back something valuable, such as refusing to provide thoughtful gestures, kindness, humor or affection.
        
        1, Pseudoaccomadators pretend to agree with you. (ex. someone saying "Ill work on ___" but not actually doing it
      - Direct Aggression - A message that attacks the position and perhaps the dignity of the reciever (ex. "that was so stupid of you."
        
        Assertive Communication - A style of communicating that directly expresses the senders needs, thoughts or feelings, delivered in a way that does not attack the reciever
        
        Characteristics of an Assertive Message
        
        Describe your feelings
        
        Describe the consequences
        
        Share you interpretation of the other persons behavior
        
        State your intentions
        
        Describe the behavior in question
  - - - Conflict Dilemmas, cultural norms create problems for men and woman. woman face a double standard. judged more harshly if assertive but overlooked if not. Men can be seen as aggressive in close relationships
        
        Commonalities outweigh differences in men and woman
- - - - Show recognition (ex. returning phone messages)
      - Acknowledge the persons thoughts and feelings
      - Show that you agree (ex. " I can see why your so angry" when a friend has an angry outburst)
    - - Partners are defensive
        
        Ex.(You're calling me lazy? You're the one who never helps out!"
        
        Defensiveness- Protecting oneself by counterattacking the other person
      - One or both partners engage in stonewalling
        
        Ex. Walking away
        
        Stonewalling- Refusing to engage with the other person
      - Partners show contempt (ex. "You're disgusting")
        
        Contempt- verbal and nonverbal messages that ridicule or belittle the other person
      - Partners criticize each other - (ex. "You're lazy")
        
        Criticism- a message that is personal, all encompassing and accusatory
    - - Relational Spiral- A reciprocal communication pattern in which each persons message reinforces the others (ex. a significant other refusing to talk about an issue so in return the other becomes distant and frustrated as well)
        
        Escalatory Spiral- A reciprocal pattern of communication in which messages, either confirming or disconfirming, between two or more communicators reinforce one another
        
        Avoidance Spiral- A communication Spiral in which the parties slowly reduce their dependence on one another, withdraw, and become less invested in the relationship.