Introduction to Interpersonal Communications
Interpersonal Communication
Why are relationships formed?
Functional Aspects of Interpersonal Communication
Cultural Aspects of Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal communication is when people treat one another as unique individuals, regardless of the context in which interaction takes place or number of people involved.
Affinity
Control
Intimacy
Time
Context
Where communication takes place. How you know the person. Family, job, school, religions, sports etc
We measure the quality of the relationship often by the length of time we spent together and the length of time we CHOOSE to spend together. I might spend 40 hours a week in a cubical with someone but wouldn’t choose to do that with that person if I had to.
Emotional
Spiritual
Physical
Intellectual
Intimacy refers to the closeness of a relationship. There are four kinds of closeness/intimacy.
Physical contact, hugging, kissing, dancing, sexual, etc..
When we share our feelings with another. This includes the wide range of feelings, the degree to which they are significant to you and the depth to which you share them.
When we share a connection beyond ourselves. Perhaps it comes through religion or perhaps it is through nature or any assortment of ways we feel a greater connection to the world around us.
Idea exchange. Have you ever felt energized and turned on by the banter or conversation you had with someone? That closeness that comes when you share ideas is intellectual intimacy.
The degree to which parties have power to influence each other. We could have conversational control (who talks, who interrupts, who decides what is talked about) and who makes the decisions
We also have power distribution within the relationship. If it is complementary distribution that means that one person has power and the other is more subordinate.
Doctor/patient, teacher/student
Symmetrical power distribution means that the two people share the power equally or they match each other. So both could try to have the power, which would escalate into a conflict or they both could relinquish the power which looks like “What do you want to do?” “I don’t care what do you want to do?”
The degree to which we like each other or appreciate each other. We might love our little brother but not like him very much
Interpersonal #
Impersonal
The far side of the impersonal continuum being those that we don’t even know their name and the social role they are in is interchangeable
Along the continuum to the interpersonal side we start to see the other as a unique person who we can address by name. We may come to know their reflective thoughtful responses.
Reciprocal Attraction
Competence
Complementarity
Disclosure
Similarity
Proximity
Appearance
Rewards
If they look approachable, they are likely to make relationships.
We tend to like people who are similar to us.
People who complete one another, like puzzle pieces, are likely to form relationships.
We like people who like us.
We like talented people.
Being open makes it easier for people to like you.
we like people we meet often.
Social exchange theory.
Instrumental goals
Self-presentation goals
Relational goals
Instrumental goals such as gaining compliance
We pursue self-presentation goals by adapting our communication in order to be perceived in particular ways.
Engaging in relationship-maintenance communication is like taking your car to be serviced at the repair shop. To have a good relationship, just as to have a long-lasting car, we should engage in routine maintenance.
Instrumental talk helps us “get things done” in our relationships. Our instrumental goals can be long term or day to day
• You ask your friend to help you grocery shop this weekend (gaining/resisting compliance).
For example, have you ever wanted to stay in and order a pizza and watch a movie, but your friend suggests that you go to a local restaurant and then to the theatre? Maybe you don’t feel like being around a lot of people or spending money (or changing out of your pajamas), but you decide to go along with his or her suggestion. In that moment, you are putting your relational partner’s needs above your own, which will likely make him or her feel valued. It is likely that your friend has made or will also make similar concessions to put your needs first, which indicates that there is a satisfactory and complimentary relationship.
But, if one partner always insists on having his or her way or always concedes, becoming the martyr, the individuals are not exhibiting interpersonal-communication competence.
• You post a message on your long-distance friend’s Facebook wall saying you miss him (checking in).
Another form of relational talk is “ DTR talk”, which stands for “defining-the-relationship talk” and serves a relationship-maintenance function. In the early stages of a romantic relationship, you may have a DTR talk to reduce uncertainty about where you stand by deciding to use the term boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner.
Competent communicators can successfully manage how others perceive them by adapting to situations and contexts.
A parent may perform the role of stern head of household, supportive shoulder to cry on, or hip and culturally aware friend to his or her child
• You and your new college roommate stand in your dorm room full of boxes. You let him choose which side of the room he wants and then invite him to eat lunch with you (presenting yourself as friendly).
We must also realize that the three goal types are always working together. In some situations we may privilege instrumental goals over relational or self-presentation goals. For example, if your partner is offered a great job in another state and you decided to go with him or her, which will move you away from your job and social circle, you would be focusing on relational goals over instrumental or self-presentation goals.
Just as large groups of people create cultures through shared symbols (language), values, and rituals, people in relationships also create cultures at a smaller level
Relationship Culture
The climates established through interpersonal communication that are unique to the relational partners but based on larger cultural and social norms.
We enter into new relationships with expectations based on the schemata we have developed in previous relationships and learned from our larger society and culture
Relationship schemata as blueprints or plans that show the inner workings of a relationship. Just like a schematic or diagram for assembling a new computer desk helps you put it together, relationship schemata guide us in how we believe our interpersonal relationships should work and how to create them
The idea of Intellectual Intimacy is a little confusing to me. How does a conversation display intimacy?
Self-Presentation goals are interesting to me. Could someone keep an arsenal of identities to whip out and use? Sort of like Billy Milligan, but with more control.