Communication Climate
Confirming Climate
Disconfirming Climate
We experience confirming climates when we receive messages that demonstrate our value and worth from those with whom we have a relationship.
We experience Disconfirming Climates when we receive messages that suggest we are devalued and unimportant.
Once a climate is formed, it can take on a life of its own and grow in a self-perpetuating spiral. Positive spirals are when one partner’s confirming message leads to a similar response from the other person. This positive interaction is reinforcing and then encourages the partners to continue the behaviors. But the climate can spiral negatively.
Neutrality
Superiority
Strategy
Control
Evalutaion
Empathy
Equality
Spontaneity/ Honesty
Flexibility
Problem-solving orientation
Description
Certainty
Judgmental statements indicating a lack of regard for the other. Characterized by evaluations and “you” language (“you are a jerk”).
Speaker imposes solutions(s) without regard to the needs or input of the other. Shoulds and Musts. My way or the high-way.
Manipulation, calculation. Having an unspoken agenda.
Indifference to speaker’s plight. “I don’t care”
Subtext: “What is going on with you doesn’t matter to me.”
Subtext: “I don’t trust you or our relationship enough to be direct.”
Subtext: "I don't value you."
Subtext: “I know better than you what you need.”
Speaker reminds you frequently of their perceived greater status. Uses position or social role as a reason why the other should do something.
Subtext: “I am someone and you aren’t.”
Sees things in a singular way. Characterized by “always” “never” “only” language. Has a low tolerance for disagreement.
Subtext: “I’m right always and everywhere”.
Neutral statements that describe observable behavior. Give it context and report its impact on you. Use “I” language
Collaboration on a solution that is satisfactory to both. Win-Win. Asks instead of tells
Direct honest communication with no underlying agenda and it is not evaluative.
Verbal and nonverbal displays of support. Paraphrasing, prompting, validating, supportive language
Speaker may have greater talents, but communicates that they see you as having equal worth as a person. Asks
Would rather investigate than debate. Characterized by “maybe” “perhaps” “this is how I see it” and more tentative language
Implications for Communication: Recognize and Change Patterns of Communication for Effective Relational Maintenance
Change Patterns of Communication to Affirm and Support One Another
Become Aware of Patterns of Communication That Contribute to Stability and Well-Being
Maintaining the stability and well-being of a relationship requires that you develop a kind of mindfulness. With that, you gain an awareness of how you communicate with a partner and what impact each of your behavior has on the overall climate of communication.
Sometimes, having that mindfulness is a matter of stepping back from the relationship to see the patterns and how they recur.
But keep in mind that patterns of communication are not actions performed unilaterally by one of the people in a relationship.
Patterns of communication are created and performed in tandem by both partners in a relationship. Over time, the patterns are repeated with great frequency.
Another attribute of successful romantic relationships, which she calls positive distortion. Pearson's studies of successful relationships found that a critical factor explaining the endurance of some relationships is the way that partners looked for the positive qualities of the other
People in a relationship strive to develop a positive climate, one that is supportive and open. Effective interpersonal communicators also maintain the stability of their relationships by providing reassurance to their partners that they are involved and committed to their relationships.
By sharing tasks and responsibilities, partners know that they can count on one another and build a sense of interdependence and equality. Support for the relationship comes both from within the relationship and from the social networks outside the relationship. Secure and stable relationships are not without tension, however
I've not got many questions here. It's a pretty simple chapter.
Nothing interesting here either.