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Relationship Models (Relational Dialects (Novelty-Predictability (Our…
Relationship Models
Relational Dialects
Three relational dialectics that are constantly at play in interpersonal relationships. Essentially, they are a continuum of needs for each participant in a relationship that must be negotiated by those involved.
Novelty-Predictability
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Being routine is familiar and nice, but some spontaneity is always welcome. Too much, however, and it will not be so easy to rely on them
Autonomy-Connection
Our need to have close connection with others as well as our need to have our own space and identity
For example, my move to America was a refreshing change, finally away from my old social network. But now I'm starting to feel a little homesick.
Openness-Closedness
Our desire to be open and honest with others while at the same time not wanting to reveal every thing about yourself to someone else
For example, my housemates know a lot about me, but I still keep some things secret from them.
Review the types of relationships in Figure 7.1 "Types of Relationships". Name at least one person from your relationships that fits into each quadrant. How does your communication differ between each of these people?
Voluntary and Personal, I have a best friend who I communicate with regularly. Communication is very open, very connected, and very novel. We can talk to each other anytime, and we go off doing anything we think of on the spot.
Voluntary and Social, I have three housemates. Communication is more closed than it is open. It is quite autonomous, and very routine. I try to mind my own business, and they mind theirs.
Involuntary and Personal, I communicate regularly with my family. Communication is connected, and more routine than novel. It is less open than Voluntary and Personal, but more open than the other two.
Involuntary and Social, I have classmates. I rarely speak to them. Communication is very closed, very routine, and very autonomous.
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Relational Interaction
Coming Together
Intensifying
People indicate that they would like or are open to more intimacy, and then wait for a signal of acceptance before attempting more intimacy
Integrating
Two people’s identities and personalities merge, and a sense of interdependence develops
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Coming Apart
Stagnating
The relationship may come to a standstill, as individuals basically wait for the relationship to end
Avoiding
A way to end the awkwardness that comes with stagnation, as people signal that they want to close down the lines of communication
Circumscribing
Communication decreases and certain areas or subjects become restricted as individuals verbally close themselves off from each other
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Pick a relationship important to you and determine what stage of relational interaction you are currently in with that person. What communicative signals support your determination? What other stages from the ten listed have you experienced with this person?
My relationship with my housemates. It's at the Experimenting stage. I'm still getting acquainted with my housemates, getting used to their quirks and behaviors. Initiating finished ages ago, when we first met. All the first impressions are long gone.
How do you weigh the costs and rewards in your relationships? What are some rewards you are currently receiving from your closest relationships? What are some costs?
I don't usually weigh costs and rewards. But thinking about it, I receive emotional support from my friends and family through text messaging and phone calls. In return, I realize I don't really give much back. My closest friend and I sort of use each other as punching bags, venting our emotions and blowing off steam.
If Social Relationships only occasionally meets needs while Personal Relationships meets all the needs AND some more, could someone just cut out all Social Relationships, and survive only on Personal ones?
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Coworkers, Neighbours, Teacher-Student, Classmates
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