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Dynamics of Interpersonal Relationships (Why We Form Relationships…
Dynamics of Interpersonal Relationships
Why We Form Relationships
appearance
is one a the major things that attract us to people
if someone appears to be attractive, we are more likely to be interested in forming a relationship with them
"attractive features may open doors, but apparently it takes more than physical beauty to hold them open"
similarity
plays an important in initial attraction
if we have similarities with someone, were more likely to be interested in a relationship with them
we assume people similar to us will like us
complementary
when each partner's characteristics satisfy the other's needs
rewards
rewards - costs = outcome
base the outcome (positive or negative) on whether or nor relationship is worth the effort
competency
we like to be around talented people- hope it will rub off on us
proximity
we are more likely to develop relationships with those who we interact with frequently
disclosure
self-disclosure increases liking because it indicates regard
timing is key in self-disclosure
Relational Dynamics and Communication
Developmental Models of Interpersonal Relationships
one of the best known models shows 10 steps that involve coming together and coming apart
relational maintenance: keeping relationships operating smoothly and satisfactorily
initiating, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, and bonding
are all steps of the model that are part of coming together
differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, and terminating
are all steps of the model that illustrate coming apart
there are also limits of developmental models
Dialectical Perspectives on Relational Dynamics
dialectical tensions:
conflicts that arise when two apposing or incompatible forces exist simultaneously
integration vs. separations:
the conflicting desires for connection and independence
connection-autonomy dialect:
when we want to be close to others but at the same time, we seek independence
stability vs change:
both between partners and when they face others outside the relationship
expression vs privacy:
the drive for intimacy and the equally important need to maintain seem space between ourselves and others
strategies:
denial, disorientation, alternation, segmentation, balance, integration, recalibration, and reaffirmation
Communicating About Relationships
content and relationship messages:
most obvious component of messages- content
every message has a relational dimension... makes a statement about how the communicators feel about each other
metacommunication:
used to describe messages that refer to other messages
Maintaining and Supporting Relationships
Relational maintenance strategies: positivity, openness, assurances, social networks, and sharing tasks
social support:
about helping others during challenging times by providing emotional, informational, or instrumental resources
social support can also be found online
relational transgressions:
when one partner violates the explicit or implicit terms of the relationship, letting the other one down in some important way
types of relational transgressions: minor vs. significant, social vs. relational, deliberate vs. unintentional, one-time vs. incremental
there are strategies for relational repair
research shows that forgiving others has both personal and relational benefits
forgiving others can be difficult.. you can improve ability to forgive by recalling the times you have mistreated that person and remember that you too have made mistakes and needed to be forgiven
Forgiving Transgressions
is an important part of relational repair