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Emotional Competence-the skills for expressing and responding to the…
Emotional Competence-the skills for expressing and responding to the emotions of others
Emotional Understanding
"What an I feeling, and what made me feel this way?"-understanding your emotions.
"What exactly do I want to communicate?"-whether your emotional expressions will be a truthful expression of your feelings
"What are my communication choices?"-evaluate your communication options in terns of both effectiveness and ethics
Emotional Expression
Be specific when you describe your feelings-if your feelings were influenced by something the person you're talking to did or said, describe this also
Address mixed feelings-you have mixed or conflicting feelings-and you really want the other person to understand you-then address these feelings
Anchor your emotions in the present-coupled with specific description and the identification of the reasons for your feelings
Own your feelings; take personal responsibility for your feelings-Owning feelings-means taking responsibility for them-acknowledge that your feelings are your feelings
I-message- own your own statements rather then the ones given in the book
Ask for what you want-you may want the listener to assume a certain role or just listen or offer advice. Let the listener know what you want
Respect emotional boundaries-each person has a different level of tolerance for communication about emotions or communication that's emotional
Handling Anger: A Special Case Illustration
Anger-is one of the eight basic emotions identified in Plutchik's model
Ventilation hypothesis-the notion that expressing emotions allows you to ventilate your negative feelings and that this will have a beneficial effect on your physical health, your mental well-being, and even your interpersonal relationships
Anger communication-is not angry communication
Get ready to communicate calmly and logically-try to get rid of any unrealistic ideas you may have that might contribute to your anger
Examine your communication choices-don't jump to the first possibility that comes to your anger
Consider the advantage of delaying the expression of anger-options of revising it or not sending it all will still be open to you
Remember that different cultures have different display rules-assess the culture you're in as well as the cultures of the people involved,especially these cultures' display rules for communicating anger
Allpy the relevant skills of interpersonal communication-general communicate with all the competence you can muster
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Emotional Responding
Look at nonverbal cues to understand the individual's feelings-"everything is okay" while expressing facial sadness; these often cause to mixed feelings
Look for cues as to what the person wants you to do-sometimes, all the person wants is for someone to listen
Use active listening techniques-encourage the person to talk should he or she wish to
Empathize-see the situation from the point of view of the speaker
Focus on the other person-interjecting your own similar past situations is often useful for showing your understanding, but it may create problems if it refocuses the conversation away from the other person
Remember the irreversibility of communication-whether expressing emotion or responding to the emotions of others, it's useful to recall the irreversibility
Communicating with the Grief Stricken: A Special Case Illustration
Confirm the other person and the person's emotions-expressive support lessens feelings of grief
Give the person permission to grieve-let the person know that it's acceptable and okay with you if he or she grits's
Avoid trying to focus on the bright side-these expressions may easily be seen as telling people that their feelings should be redirected, that they should be feeling something different
Encourage the person to express feelings and talk about their loss-most people will welcome this opportunity
Be especially sensitive to leave-taking cues-"it's getting late" or "We can discuss this later" are hints that the other person s ready to end the conversation. Don't overstay your welcome
Let the person know you care and are available-saying you're sorry is a simple but effective way to let the person know you care