3 Parts
What happened
Feelings involved
Identity
You
Them
Avoid blame
Think about contributions
Don't ignore
Express
Everyone has sensitive spots
View of yourself
Bad impact != bad person
Core to self identity
Competent
Good at what you do
Worthy of love/praise
Switches people off
Results in a defensive response
Yours
Theirs
Actions prior
Attitude
Share
Good people can have bad feelings
Can hold an alternative truth
Don't assume
Don't guess intentions
Try to avoid getting defensive
Don't judge them harsher than yourself
Not a saint
Stay honest about intentions
Have an end goal before 
Think long term
Can't force change
When it's ok to let go
Not important enough
Conflict is only in you
Can be solved by actions rather than words
Why discuss?
Learn
Solve problem(s)
Express views
Don't hit and run
2 way conversation
Stay humble
If attacked regain balance
Other people don't same view of you as you do
Motivations are complex
Can be both good and bad at same time
Yours
Theirs
Stay open
Avoid any judgement
Mediate
Think how would an external view this?
Open by describing 3rd party POV
Not your story
Not their story
Only idiots pretend they don't feel
Don't use as a weapon
Use "I feel..."
Try to avoid blame/judgement
Think would both parties agree with this statement?
Focus on your goals
Make time
Deep dive
Purpose
Purpose
Ok to persist if their don't agree
Think about weaknesses before hand
Ok to take a break
Ok to bring it up again
Learn #
Listen
Don't disguise statements as questions
Don't cross examine
Ask open ended questions
Ask for concrete examples
Paraphrasing
Shows interest
Checks understanding
Acknowledge their feelings
listening != agreeing
Empathise
Have an opinion
Failure to express == feeling unfilled
Start with most important reason
Express it
Be entitled #
Your view matters
Say exactly what you mean
No subtext
Don't ease in
Ok to both praise and criticise
Avoid exaggeration
Seek clarity
Paraphrase
Ask them to paraphrase
Ask how they "see it differently"
Share where your opinion comes from
Avoid "Never"
Avoid "Always"
Leading #
Reframe
Intent != impact #
Listen
Persist
Be explicit
Agreement
It takes two to agree
Don't be afraid to walk away
Be comfortable with it
Say what's missing
Tell them what you need
Ask
What do they need?
Their advice
Invent options
Look for external standards
Share responsibility
Invest time
People respect it
People don't have to like it #
Paraphrase #
Ask questions
Say exactly what you see
Ok to call people out
Be prepared for hard work