COAPRO506B: COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY AND ASSERTIVELY (6.5 Assertiveness…
COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY AND ASSERTIVELY
How to build self-esteem
Firmly believe in certain values and principles and are ready to defend them even when experiencing opposition to them, feeling secure enough to modify them in light of experience. Are able to act according to what they think to be the best choice, trusting their own judgment, and not feeling guilty when others don't like their choice. Do not lose time worrying excessively about what happened in the past, nor about what could happen in the future. They learn from the past and plan for the future, but live intensely in the present
6.3 Model of Interpersonal communication
: a state in which people behave, feel and think in response to an unconscious replication of how their parents
: a state of the ego which is akin to objective processing of information and making predictions without the presence of major emotions that could affect its operation.
: a state in which people behave, feel and think similarly to how they did in childhood
A simple, reciprocal transaction occurs when both partners are addressing the ego state the other is in. These are called parallel or complementary transactions. Example 1: A: "Have you read the report yet?" (Adult to Adult) B: "Yes - I'm about to email my comments to you." (Adult to Adult)
Communication failures are typically caused by a crossed transaction where a person addresses an ego state other than the one that the other person is in. Consider the above examples jumbled up a bit. Example 1a: A: "Have you read that report yet?" (Adult to Adult) B: "Will you stop annoying me? I'll get around to it!" (rebellious Child to Parent) This is a crossed transaction likely to produce problems in the workplace. A may respond with a Parent to Child transaction. For instance: A: "If you don't change your attitude, we’ll need to schedule a performance review."
Strokes are the recognition, attention or responsiveness that one person gives another. Strokes can be positive (e.g. ‘warm fuzzies’) or negative (‘cold pricklies’).
6.1 Interpersonal communications
effective comms takes into account:
Fogging - find some limited truth to agree with the antagonist
6.2 Communicating effectively
Give the speaker your undivided attention and acknowledge the message. Recognise that non-verbal communication also ‘speaks’ loudly.
Look at the speaker directly.
Put aside distracting thoughts. Don't mentally prepare a rebuttal!
Avoid being distracted by environmental factors.
‘Listen’ to the speaker's body language.
Refrain from side conversations when listening in a group setting.
Show that you are listening:
Smile and use other facial expressions.
Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.
Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like ‘Yes’, and ‘Uh huh’.
Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. ‘What I'm hearing is…….’ and ‘Sounds like you are saying……..’ are great ways to reflect back.
Ask questions to clarify certain points. ‘What do you mean when you said……..?’ ‘Is this what you mean?’
You will also want to vary your level of reflection. Keeping reflections at the surface level may lead to the feeling that the interaction is moving in circles. Reflections of affect, especially those that are unstated but likely, can be powerful motivators.
Open-ended questions that shoul
Come from a place of genuine curiosity.
Are direct, simple and usually open-ended.
Generate creative thinking and surface underlying information.
Seven great coaching questions:
‘What do you want?’
‘What do you need?’
‘What’s holding you back?’
‘What is it costing you to continue holding back?’
‘How will things be in 3, 6, 12 months’ time if you don’t do anything about your current situation?’
‘What is the most meaningful action you could take right now?’
‘What new skills or support systems will ensure your success?’
Susan Scott's Fierce Conversations, 2002
What is the most important thing you and I should be talking about?
Describe the issue. What’s going on relative to
How is this currently impacting you? Who or what else is being impacted? Ask ‘What else’ at least 3 times. Probe feelings.
If nothing changes, what are the implications? ‘Imagine it is a year later and nothing has changed. What is likely to happen? What else? Probe feelings. When you consider those possible outcomes, how do you feel?
How have you helped create this issue or situation? What would it be if you did know?
What is the ideal outcome? When this is resolved, what difference will it make? What else? Probe feelings.
What’s the most potent step you can take to begin to resolve this issue? What exactly are you committed to do and when? When should I follow up with you?
What has become clear since we last met?
What is the area that, if you made an improvement, would give you and others the greatest return on time, energy and dollars invested?
What is currently impossible to do that, if it were possible, would change everything?
What are you trying to have happen in the next 3 months?
What’s the most important decision you’re facing? What’s keeping you from making it?
What topic are you hoping I won’t bring up?
What area under your life are you most satisfied with? least satisfied with?
What part of your responsibilities are you avoiding right now?
What conversations are you avoiding right now?
What do you wish you had more time to do?
What things are you doing that you would like to stop doing or delegate to someone else?
If you were hired to consult with our company, what would you advise?
What threatens your peace? What threatens the business? Your health? Your personal fulfilment?
The structure of the summary is straightforward. It begins with an announcement that you are about to summarise, a listing of selected elements, an invitation to correct anything missed and then usually an open-ended question. If ambivalence was evident in the interaction that preceded the summary, this should be included in the summary.