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Discussing the Undiscussable (Defensive Reactions (Negative views of…
Discussing the Undiscussable
Defensive Reactions
We always believe we're right
Negative views of others
Hold them accountable
Personal feelings get shared with allies
Leads to 'elephants in the room'
Undiscussables
feelings of loss of control
engage in self preserving behavior
One sided behavior
No room for other opinions or errors
Left Hand Column
Right side of page (RHC)
What actually happened
Left side of page (LHC)
Thought/felt but NOT said
Reflection of feelings
Help process thoughts
Lead to constructive discussion
Aware of toxicity
Inherent assumptions
Other person = problem
You're right
Your view is whole
Ladder of Inference
Steps to conclusion
Get from point a to conclusion
Ladder in data pool
First rung: select data
choose focus
Next: Interpret data
place own meaning
Top: Come to conclusion
Decision = clear to you
Others don't see it clearly
Advocacy + Inquiry
Advocacy
Saying your view on position
Productive
Showing Ladder of inference
Providing examples
Unproductive
Stating only opinion
Inquiry
looking at other's views
Asking for opinion
Encourage questioning
Don't ask for confirmation
Foundational Skill Set
First Loop
Reactive
Change when something doesn't work
Second Loop
Reasoning behind actions
How to change reactions