Listening
LISTENING: ability to accurately receive and interpret messages in the communication process.
Employers provide listening skills training for their employees because good listening skills can lead to...
Key to all effective communication.
Without the ability to listen effectively messages are easily misunderstood.
Communication breaks down and the sender of the message can easily become frustrated or irritated.
Better customer satisfaction
Greater productivity with fewer mistakes.
Increased sharing of information that in turn can lead to more creative and innovative work.
Requires Focus
Paying attention not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body.
Being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages
Ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages.
Barriers to Effective Listening
Benefits in personal lives
More friends and social network
Improved self-esteem and confidence
Better health and well being
Higher grades in school and in academic work
Common Barriers/Bad Habits to Effective Listening
Trying to listen to more than one conversation at a time
You find the communicator attractive/unattractive
You are not interested
Television or radio on while attempting to listen to somebody talk
Being on the phone and talking to another person.
Distracted by some dominant noise in the immediate environment
Not focusing
Feeling unwell or tired
Indentifying rather than empathizing
Sympathizing rather than empathizing
You are prejudice or biased
You have preconceived ideas or bias
You make judgements
Previous experiences
Preoccupation
Having a closed mind
Non-Verbal Signs of Ineffective Listening
You pay more attention to how you feel about the communicator and their physical appearance than to what they are saying
Not interested in the topic/issue and become bored
Being easily distracted
Fiddling with your hair, fingers, a pen, etc.
Gazing out the window
Focusing on object rather than soeaker
Hungry, thirsty or needing to use the toilet
Understanding what you are hearing but not putting yourself in the shoes of the speaker.
Sympathy is not the same as empathy
You sympathize when you feel sorry for the experiences of another
To empathize is to put yourself in the position of the other person
By race, gender, age, religion, accent, and/or past experiences
Effective listening includes being open-minded to the ideas and opinions of others, this does not mean you have to agree but should listen and attempt to understand.
For Example: Thinking that a person is not very bright or is under-qualified so there is no point listening to what they have to say.
We are all influenced by previous experiences in life.
We respond to people based on personal appearances, how initial introductions or welcomes were received and/or previous interpersonal encounters.
If we stereotype a person we become less objective and therefore less likely to listen effectively.
When we have a lot on our minds we can fail to listen to what is being said as we're too busy concentrating on what we're thinking about.
When we feel stressed or worried about issues.
We all have ideals and values that we believe to be correct
It can be difficult to listen to the views of others that contradict our own opinions
The key to effective listening and interpersonal skills more generally is the ability to have a truly open mind
To understand why others think about things differently to you and use this information to gain a better understanding of the speaker.
Being distracted
Inappropriate expressions and lack of head nods
An inappropriate posture
Lack of eye contact with the speaker
Listeners who are engaged with the speaker tend to give eye contact.
Lack of eye contact can be a sign of shyness.
Slouched, leaning back or ‘swinging’ on a chair, leaning forward onto a desk or table and/or a constantly shifting posture.
People who are paying attention tend to lean slightly toward the speaker.
Fidgeting, doodling, looking at a watch, yawning
When a listener is engaged with a speaker they nod their head
Usually an almost subconscious way of encouraging the speaker and showing attention.
Lack of head nods can mean the opposite—listening is not happening.
The same can be true of facial expressions, attentive listeners use smiles as feedback mechanism and to show attention.
Further Signs of Ineffective Listening and Faulty Listening Behaviors
Pseudo-Listening
Sudden Changes in Topic
Selective Listening
Defensive Listening
Ambushing
Insulated Listening
Insensitive Listening
Stage-Hogging
Daydreaming
Advising
Formulating a Response
Making Assumptions
When we imitate listening and give the appearance of being attentive.
We look the other in the eye, nod, smile at the right times and even answers but we aren’t really listening.
Students are masters of the faulty listening habit.
When the listener is distracted they may suddenly think about something else that is not related to the topic of the speaker and attempt to change the conversation to their new topic.
Our ability to just hear what we want to hear or what is relatively
This is when you hear your name spoken on the TV or start listening when someone starts talking about snowboarding and you snow board.
We filter out what they perceive as being of key importance and then stop listening or become distracted
A sign of failing communication—you cannot hope to understand if you have filtered out some of the message and may reinforce or strengthen you bias for future communications.
Take innocent comments as personal attacks.
If someone says “Hey I like your haircut!” a defensive listener might respond “Well what was wrong with it before?”
When we listen carefully but only because we are collecting information to attack what the other has said
It’s a skill to listen for faults but worse to not listen to the whole argument.
Opposite of selective listening
Instead of looking for something specific to listen for, these listeners avoid certain topics and “insulate” themselves from things they don’t want to hear.
When we don’t receive another person’s messages clearly...when we are unable to “get” the nonverbal cues from another.
Might be someone who keeps on talking even though you have looked at your watch several times to indicate you have to go.
Stage hogs try to turn the topic of conversations to themselves instead of showing interest in the speaker.
Daydreaming can occur when the listener hears something that sets off a chain of unrelated thoughts in their head
they become distracted by their ‘own world’ and adopt a ‘far-away’ look.
Some people want to jump in early in a conversation and start to offer advice before they fully understand the problem or concerns of the speaker.
Thinking of something to say and interrupting the speaker with your own thoughts, finishing other people’s sentences.
Assuming you know what somebody is going to say based on preconceived ideas, bias, stereotyping and previous experiences.
Common Listening Misconception
Misconception 1: It’s Difficult to Learn How to Listen
The first misconception about listening is that the skills involved are difficult to learn.
How well we listen depends on the circumstances of the communication, our motivation to listen and our personality.
The key to developing your listening skills is practice and consistently applying good listening skills across all communication situations.
Effective listening leads to a deeper understanding and you are likely to develop stronger and more meaningful relationships with others.
Misconception 2: I’m a Good Listener
Generally people overestimate their own listening abilities and underestimate the
listening abilities of others.
We tend to think that we are better listeners than others and others tend to believe that they are better listeners than you.
Effective listening can only be measured by the understanding that you gain – this will inevitably vary for different situations and for different people.
Believing that you are a better listener that others is unlikely to be true unless you have taken the time to learn and practice your listening skills over a period of time.
Misconception 3: Intelligent People are Better Listeners
There is no link between traditional measures of cognitive ability, intelligence—(IQ), and how well we listen.
People with higher emotional intelligence (EQ), on the other hand, are more likely to be better listeners.
Very intelligent people may be more likely to get bored with a conversation and ‘tune out’, thinking about other things and therefore not listening.
Emotional intelligence refers to a person’s ability to assess, indentify and manage their emotions and the emotions of others
Emotional intelligence is the measure of a person’s likelihood to consider the emotional needs of others—assessment of such needs often comes about through good listening.
Misconception 4: Hearing is the same as Listening
Having good hearing does not make you an effective listener. It is perfectly possible to have good hearing - but poor listening skills
Effective listening means focusing on the meaning of the words that you hear and putting them into context to gain an understanding.
Hearing is a passive process - like breathing - we do it without thinking. Listening, however, is a learnt skill and an active process. Our brains have to work harder to process the information that we hear and see in order to understand the meaning of the message. Understanding is the goal of listening.
Misconception 5: We Listen Better As We Get Older
People do not automatically become better listeners as they get older - without practice and consciously thinking about listening there is no reason why listening will improve, it may actually get worse.
As we go through life, gaining experience and understanding of the world around us our capacity for listening is likely to improve
Misconception 6: Gender Affects Listening Ability
Generally, and without trying to stereotype, men and women value communication differently.
Women tend to place a higher value on connection, cooperation and emotional messages.
Men are generally more concerned with facts and may be uncomfortable talking about and listening to personal or emotional subjects.
This doesn’t mean that women are better listeners than men, or vise-versa, but that there may be differences in the ways in which messages are interpreted.
Types of Listening
LISTENING: the process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages.
Discriminative Listening
First developed at a very early age — perhaps even before birth, in the womb.
Most basic form of listening and does not involve the understanding of the meaning of words or phrases but merely the different sounds that are produced.
For example: a distinction is made between the sounds of the voices of the parents — the voice of the father sounds different to that of the mother.
Develops through childhood and into adulthood.
As we grow older and develop and gain more life experiences, our ability to distinguish between different sounds improve.
Not only can we recognize different voices, but we also develop the ability to recognize subtle differences in the way that sounds are made — this is fundamental to ultimately understanding what these sounds mean.
Differences include many subtleties, recognizing foreign languages, distringuishing between regional accents and clues to the emotions and feelings of the speaker.
Being able to distinguish the subtleties of sound made by somebody who is happy or sad, angry or stressed — ultimately adds value to what is actually being said and does aid comprehension.
Comprehension Listening
Using overly complicated language or technical jargon, therefore, can be a barrier to comprehensive listening.
Fundamental to all listening sub-types.
Two different people listening to the same thing may understand the message in two different ways.
Involves understanding the message or messages that are being communicated.
Comprehensive listening is complimented by sub-messages from non-verbal communication, such as the time of voice, gestures and other body language.
Informational Listening
Critical Listening
Therapeutic or Empathetic Listening
Listening to Learn
Listening to Evaluate and Analyze
Listening to Understand Feeling and Emotion
7 types of responses that we use when we are listening empathetically
Advising
Judging
Analyzing
Questioning
Comforting/Supporting
Prompting
Paraphrasing
Appreciative Listening
Rapport Listening
Listening for Enjoyment
Listening to music
When trying to build rapport with others we can engage in a type of listening that encourages the other person to trust and like us.
Commonly used in situations of negotiation
The 10 Principles of Listening
- Stop Talking
- Prepare Yourself to Listen
- Out the Speaker at Ease
- Remove Distractions
- Empathize
Don’t talk, listen
Relax. Focus on the speaker
Help the speaker to feel free to speak.
Focus on what is being said: don’t doodle, shuffle papers, or look out the window
Try to understand the other person’s point of view
- Be Patient
- Avoid Personal Prejudice
- Listen to the Tone
- Listen for Ideas — Not Just Words
- Wait and Watch for Non-Verbal Communication
A pause m, even a long pause, does not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished.
Don’t become irritated and don’t let the person’s habits or mannerisms distract you from what they are really saying.
Volume and tone both add to what someone is saying.
You need to get the whole picture, not just isolated bits and pieces.
Gestures, facial expressions, and eye-movements can all be important.
Active Listening
Fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just passively ‘hearing’ the message of the speaker.
Listening with all senses.
Active listening not only means focusing fully on the speaker but also actively showing verbal and non-verbal signs of listening.
Signs of Active Listening
Non-Verbal Signs of Attentive Listening
Smile
Eye Contact
Posture
Mirroring
Distraction
Verbal Signs of Attentive or Active Listening
Active listener will not be distracted
Positive Reinforcement
Remembering
Some positive words of encouragement
Questioning
Remembering a few key points.
Asking relevant questions or making statements
AUTUMN IRONS
I thought the Further signs of ineffective listening and faulty listening barriers was interesting and I thought about it and realized that I’ve done a few of those like pseudo listening where I was listening and zoned out but still nodded my head as though I was still listening. I’ve also realized how I sometime ky listen to certain parts that the speaker said and didn’t hear the whole speech.