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Listening (The 10 Principles of Listening (Stop Talking (Don’t talk,…

- - - - For example: a distinction is made between the sounds of the voices of the parents — the voice of the father sounds different to that of the mother.
    - - As we grow older and develop and gain more life experiences, our ability to distinguish between different sounds improve.
        
        Not only can we recognize different voices, but we also develop the ability to recognize subtle differences in the way that sounds are made — this is fundamental to ultimately understanding what these sounds mean.
        
        Differences include many subtleties, recognizing foreign languages, distringuishing between regional accents and clues to the emotions and feelings of the speaker.
        
        Being able to distinguish the subtleties of sound made by somebody who is happy or sad, angry or stressed — ultimately adds value to what is actually being said and does aid comprehension.
  - - - Two different people listening to the same thing may understand the message in two different ways.
  - - - Advising
      - Judging
      - Analyzing
      - Questioning
      - Comforting/Supporting
      - Prompting
      - Paraphrasing
  - - - Listening to music
  - - - Commonly used in situations of negotiation
- - - - Television or radio on while attempting to listen to somebody talk
        
        Distracted by some dominant noise in the immediate environment
      - Being on the phone and talking to another person.
    - - You pay more attention to how you feel about the communicator and their physical appearance than to what they are saying
    - - Not interested in the topic/issue and become bored
    - - Being easily distracted
        
        Fiddling with your hair, fingers, a pen, etc.
        
        Gazing out the window
        
        Focusing on object rather than soeaker
    - - Hungry, thirsty or needing to use the toilet
    - - Understanding what you are hearing but not putting yourself in the shoes of the speaker.
    - - Sympathy is not the same as empathy
        
        You sympathize when you feel sorry for the experiences of another
        
        To empathize is to put yourself in the position of the other person
    - - By race, gender, age, religion, accent, and/or past experiences
    - - Effective listening includes being open-minded to the ideas and opinions of others, this does not mean you have to agree but should listen and attempt to understand.
    - - For Example: Thinking that a person is not very bright or is under-qualified so there is no point listening to what they have to say.
    - - We are all influenced by previous experiences in life.
        
        We respond to people based on personal appearances, how initial introductions or welcomes were received and/or previous interpersonal encounters.
        
        If we stereotype a person we become less objective and therefore less likely to listen effectively.
    - - When we have a lot on our minds we can fail to listen to what is being said as we're too busy concentrating on what we're thinking about.
        
        When we feel stressed or worried about issues.
    - - We all have ideals and values that we believe to be correct
        
        It can be difficult to listen to the views of others that contradict our own opinions
        
        The key to effective listening and interpersonal skills more generally is the ability to have a truly open mind
        
        To understand why others think about things differently to you and use this information to gain a better understanding of the speaker.
  - - - Fidgeting, doodling, looking at a watch, yawning
    - - When a listener is engaged with a speaker they nod their head
        
        Usually an almost subconscious way of encouraging the speaker and showing attention.
        
        Lack of head nods can mean the opposite—listening is not happening.
        
        The same can be true of facial expressions, attentive listeners use smiles as feedback mechanism and to show attention.
    - - Slouched, leaning back or ‘swinging’ on a chair, leaning forward onto a desk or table and/or a constantly shifting posture.
        
        People who are paying attention tend to lean slightly toward the speaker.
    - - Listeners who are engaged with the speaker tend to give eye contact.
        
        Lack of eye contact can be a sign of shyness.
  - - - When we imitate listening and give the appearance of being attentive.
        
        We look the other in the eye, nod, smile at the right times and even answers but we aren’t really listening.
        
        Students are masters of the faulty listening habit.
    - - When the listener is distracted they may suddenly think about something else that is not related to the topic of the speaker and attempt to change the conversation to their new topic.
    - - Our ability to just hear what we want to hear or what is relatively
        
        This is when you hear your name spoken on the TV or start listening when someone starts talking about snowboarding and you snow board.
        
        We filter out what they perceive as being of key importance and then stop listening or become distracted
      - A sign of failing communication—you cannot hope to understand if you have filtered out some of the message and may reinforce or strengthen you bias for future communications.
    - - Take innocent comments as personal attacks.
        
        If someone says “Hey I like your haircut!” a defensive listener might respond “Well what was wrong with it before?”
    - - When we listen carefully but only because we are collecting information to attack what the other has said
        
        It’s a skill to listen for faults but worse to not listen to the whole argument.
    - - Opposite of selective listening
        
        Instead of looking for something specific to listen for, these listeners avoid certain topics and “insulate” themselves from things they don’t want to hear.
    - - When we don’t receive another person’s messages clearly...when we are unable to “get” the nonverbal cues from another.
      - Might be someone who keeps on talking even though you have looked at your watch several times to indicate you have to go.
    - - Stage hogs try to turn the topic of conversations to themselves instead of showing interest in the speaker.
    - - Daydreaming can occur when the listener hears something that sets off a chain of unrelated thoughts in their head
        
        they become distracted by their ‘own world’ and adopt a ‘far-away’ look.
    - - Some people want to jump in early in a conversation and start to offer advice before they fully understand the problem or concerns of the speaker.
    - - Thinking of something to say and interrupting the speaker with your own thoughts, finishing other people’s sentences.
    - - Assuming you know what somebody is going to say based on preconceived ideas, bias, stereotyping and previous experiences.
  - - - The first misconception about listening is that the skills involved are difficult to learn.
        
        How well we listen depends on the circumstances of the communication, our motivation to listen and our personality.
        
        The key to developing your listening skills is practice and consistently applying good listening skills across all communication situations.
        
        Effective listening leads to a deeper understanding and you are likely to develop stronger and more meaningful relationships with others.
    - - Generally people overestimate their own listening abilities and underestimate the
        listening abilities of others.
        
        We tend to think that we are better listeners than others and others tend to believe that they are better listeners than you.
        
        Effective listening can only be measured by the understanding that you gain – this will inevitably vary for different situations and for different people.
        
        Believing that you are a better listener that others is unlikely to be true unless you have taken the time to learn and practice your listening skills over a period of time.
    - - There is no link between traditional measures of cognitive ability, intelligence—(IQ), and how well we listen.
        
        Very intelligent people may be more likely to get bored with a conversation and ‘tune out’, thinking about other things and therefore not listening.
      - People with higher emotional intelligence (EQ), on the other hand, are more likely to be better listeners.
        
        Emotional intelligence refers to a person’s ability to assess, indentify and manage their emotions and the emotions of others
        
        Emotional intelligence is the measure of a person’s likelihood to consider the emotional needs of others—assessment of such needs often comes about through good listening.
    - - Having good hearing does not make you an effective listener. It is perfectly possible to have good hearing - but poor listening skills
        
        Effective listening means focusing on the meaning of the words that you hear and putting them into context to gain an understanding.
        
        Hearing is a passive process - like breathing - we do it without thinking. Listening, however, is a learnt skill and an active process. Our brains have to work harder to process the information that we hear and see in order to understand the meaning of the message. Understanding is the goal of listening.
    - - People do not automatically become better listeners as they get older - without practice and consciously thinking about listening there is no reason why listening will improve, it may actually get worse.
        
        As we go through life, gaining experience and understanding of the world around us our capacity for listening is likely to improve
    - - Generally, and without trying to stereotype, men and women value communication differently.
        
        Women tend to place a higher value on connection, cooperation and emotional messages.
        
        Men are generally more concerned with facts and may be uncomfortable talking about and listening to personal or emotional subjects.
        
        This doesn’t mean that women are better listeners than men, or vise-versa, but that there may be differences in the ways in which messages are interpreted.
- - - - Smile
      - Eye Contact
      - Posture
      - Mirroring
      - Distraction
        
        Active listener will not be distracted
    - - Positive Reinforcement
        
        Some positive words of encouragement
      - Remembering
        
        Remembering a few key points.
      - Questioning
        
        Asking relevant questions or making statements