Never Split the Difference (LABELING (Tactical Empathy (Listen. More.…
Never Split the Difference
One of the easiest and yet most powerful techniques
Use your voice
Pleasant voice - most of the time
Late Nite DJ FM voice - to assure
Repeat the last few words of the person
Can copy the body language
Copy the speech pace
An effective mirroring technique
Use you Late nite DJ voice
Start with "I'm sorry"
Mirror (question or a phrase)
Treat life as negotioation
Negotiation happens everywhere: on the market, at home, at work with colleagues etc
Negotiation involves both intuitive (emotional) and rational modes, but it's the first that you can influence the most
The entry-level negotiation must-knows
Prepare well - great negotiators use skills to reveal the possible surprises and treat them well
Don't commit to assumptions. View them as hypotheses and test them
Negotiation is not a battle of arguments. It's an art of discovering other people's emotions & intentions
Be focused on not what you're going to say, but on trying to understand the other person and what she's going to say
Slow it down. If you move too fast, other person can feel like they're not heard.
Smile:) Positivity reinforces mental agility
Listen. More. Better
Understanding the feelings and the mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feeling so you increase your influence in the moments that folllow
Practice this by tuning into full attention while listening to someone: try to understand his/her feelings, emotions, visualize their position.
someone's emotion right means that your counterpart shouldn't try anymore to hide or feel anxious about it. It's as you say I understand you in a most credible way.
This way you disrupt the activity in amygdala of your counterpart and it move to a rational thinking
The faster you interrupt the action in your counterpart's amygdala, the part of the brain that generates fear, the faster you can generate feelings of safety, well-being and trust.
Most of the times people don't even notice when you label their emotions!
It's best to start with "It sounds like..", "It feels like". Avoid using "I" (e.g. "I feel like")
Go silent after you've thrown in the label
It's kind of magical, but labeling
neutralizes the negative
reinforces the positive
Example: My bro doesn't want to do exercises with me. I acknowledge him that it seems like he feels I'm forcing him to it and he doesn't want to be forced. I reassure him I do not force him and talk again about the positive impact of exercise for him.
Another example: when he's getting cranky at sis acknowledge him that it seems like he feels that he gets less attention than her. Give him a hug and do something together. Shift the focus from his behavior to what he feels.
To get together to the solution you should
clear the road from fears first
. It can be done through tactical empathy and labelling those fears
: start with listing the worst thing your counterpart could tell or think about you.
BEWARE "YES" - MASTER "NO"
"No" is a safe way to set the boundaries in any negotiation
"No" can mean
I am not yet ready to agree
You are making me feel uncomfortable
I do not understand
I don't think I can afford it
I want something else
I need more information
I want to talk it over with someone else
The 3 types of Yes
Don't aim for the Yes from the start of the conversation (it's the final destination), let your counterpart feel safe and that they're in control
Try to trigger No's. Is now a bad time to talk? Have you given up on this project? Have you became disappointed in our plan?
Negotiate in other person's world. Don't try to beat them with logic. Instead make them think that your solution is their own idea.
TRIGGER THE "TWO WORDS"
Trigger the "That's right" to create a rapport
You don't need a "You're right" or counterfeit "Yes", you need a that's right: when you've just said something that person really resonates with.
The more person feels understood, the more likely she is to change her behavior
Trigger "That's right" by a summary of what the person has said or you've both discussed. Use labels combined with paraphrasing (mirroring) and emotionally affirm "the world according to..."