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LISTENING (Principles of listening (Empathize: Try to understand the other…
LISTENING
Principles of listening
Empathize: Try to understand the other person’s point of view. Look at issues from their perspective
Be patient: Be patient and let the speaker continue in their own time, sometimes it takes time to formulate what to say and how to say it
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Avoid personal prejudice: Try to be impartial, Everybody has a different way of speaking
Put the speaker at ease: Help the speaker to feel free to speak, Nod or use other gestures or words to encourage them to continue, show that you are listening
Listen to the tone: A good speaker will use both volume and tone to their advantage to keep an audience attentive; everybody will use pitch, tone and volume of voice in certain situations
Prepare to listen: Try to put other thoughts out of mind and concentrate on the messages that are being communicated
Listen for ideas: You need to get the whole picture, not just isolated bits and pieces
Stop talking: When somebody else is talking listen to what they are saying, do not interrupt, talk over them or finish their sentences for them until they finish
Notice non-verbal signals: Watch and pick up the additional information being transmitted via non-verbal communication
Misconceptions
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Listen better as we age
Without practice and consciously thinking about listening there is no reason why listening will improve, it may actually get worse
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Hearing = Listening
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Effective listening means focusing on the meaning of the words that you hear and putting them into context to gain an understanding
Hearing is a passive process - like breathing - we do it without thinking. Listening, however, is a learnt skill and an active process. Our brains have to work harder to process the information that we hear and see in order to understand the meaning of the message
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General
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Definition
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Without the ability to listen effectively messages are easily misunderstood – communication breaks down and the sender of the message can easily become frustrated or irritated
Is it hearing? No
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Listening
Paying attention not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body
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Types of listening
General types
Discriminative
First developed at a very early age – perhaps even before birth, in the womb
Most basic form, does not involve understanding the meaning but the differences in the sounds
We get more experience as we age so we can recognize different voices, tones, subtleties, accents,...
Exmaple: Imagine yourself surrounded by people who are speaking a language that you cannot understand. You can probably distinguish between different voices, male and female, young and old and also gain some understanding about what is going on around you based on the tone of voice, mannerisms and body language of the other people. You are not understanding what is being said but using discriminative listening to gain some level of comprehension of your surroundings
Comprehensive
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Using overly complicated language or technical jargon, therefore, can be a barrier to comprehensive listening
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Specific types
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Critical
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A much more active behavior than informational listening and usually involves some sort of problem solving or decision making
Means engaging in what you are listening to by asking yourself questions about the speaker, the message and the way it is conveyed
Have an open mind, you will be a better listener and will broaden knowledge and perception
Therapeutic and empathic
Involves attempting to understand the feelings and emotions of the speaker – to put yourself into the speaker’s shoes and share their thoughts
Empathy is a way of deeply connecting with another person and therapeutic or empathic listening can be particularly challenging
Empathy is different to sympathy, involves a deeper connection and understanding of the other person's point of view
Types of responses
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Comforting/Supporting: Agree, offer to help, praise, reassure, acknowledge or offer a welcome diversion
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Prompting: Small silences, brief statements, smiles, nods, and grunts that prompt the person to keep talking
Judging: Evaluation of sender's thoughts and opinions, should be contructive
Paraphrase: Reflect to the person what we heard them say in our own words to demonstrate we are listening and seek clarification
Advising: Goes with "You should", sometimes backfires because it doesn't really apply
Other types
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Rapport
Encourages the other person to trust and like us, common in negotiations
Active listening
Explanation
A skill that can be acquired and developed with practice, can be difficult to master and will, therefore, take time and patience to develop
Literally means to listen actively: Not only means focusing fully on the speaker but also actively showing verbal and non-verbal signs of listening
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Shows both verbal and non-verbal signals: Nodding, smiling, sound of agreement,...
Is also about patience - pauses and short periods of silence should be accepted and not to jump in with questions or finish the sentence
Signs
Non-verbal
Smile: Small smiles can be used to show that the listener is paying attention to what is being said or as a way of agreeing or being happy about the messages being received
Eye contact: Usually encouraging but sometimes can be intimidating, should combine with smiles
Posture: Attentiveness may result in a slight lean forward, a slight slant of the head or resting the head on one hand
Mirroring: These reflective expressions can help to show sympathy and empathy in more emotional situations
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Verbal
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Clarification: Involves asking questions (usually open questions) of the speaker to ensure that the correct message has been received
Questioning
Can be used to: Obtain information, start a conversation, test understanding, show interest, seek support,...
Closed questions
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Focusing discussion and obtaining clear, concise answers when needed
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Summarization
Repeating a summary of what has been said back to the speaker is a technique used by the listener to repeat what has been said in their own words
Involves taking the main points of the received message and reiterating them in a logical and clear way, giving the speaker chance to correct if necessary
Remembering: Remembering details, ideas and concepts from previous conversations proves that attention was kept and is likely to encourage the speaker to continue
Positive reinforcement: Some positive words of encouragement may be beneficial to the speaker and the listener should use them sparingly so as not to distract from what is being said or place unnecessary emphasis on parts of the message: "Nice", "Very good",...