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Listening (10 Principles of Listening (Prepare Yourself to Listen (Relax,…

- - - - Stop, Just Listen
        
        When they are finished talking you may ask them to clarify things so you receive their message accurately
  - - - The human mind is easily distracted by other thoughts
        
        Put other thoughts out of your mind and concentrate on the messages that are being communicated
  - - - Nod or use other gestures or words to encourage them to countinue.
        
        Maintaining eye contact but don’t stare—show you are listening and understanding what is being said.
  - - - Don't doodle
      - Shuffle papers
      - Look out the window
        
        Avoid unnecessary interruptions
        
        These behaviors disrupt the listening process and send messages to the speaker that you are bored or distracted.
      - Pick you fingernails
  - - - Be patient and let the speaker continue in their own time, sometime it takes time to formulate what to say and how to say it.
        
        Never interrupt or finish a sentence for someone.
  - - - Don’t become irritated and don’t let the person’s habits or mannerisms distract you from what they are really saying.
        
        Everyone has a different way of speaking
        
        Nervous or shy, some have regional accents or make excessive are movements, some people like to pace whilst talking, others like to sit still.
        
        Focus on what is being said and try to ignore styles of delivery
  - - - A good speaker would use both to their advantage to keep the audience attentive.
        
        Everybody uses pitch, tone, and volume of voice in certain situations.
  - - - Look at the issue from their perspective
        
        Having an open mind we can emphasize with the speaker.
        
        If the speaker say something that you disagree with then wait and construct an argument to counter what is said but keep an open mind to the views and opinions of others.
  - - - Most difficult aspects to listening is the ability to link together pieces of information to reveal the ideas of others.
  - - - We don’t just listen with our ears but also with our eyes
        
        We watch and pick up addition information being transmitted via non-verbal communication
- - - - Does not invole the understanding of the meaning of words or phrase but merely DIFFERENT SOUNDS THAT ARE PRODUCED
        
        EX: A distinction is made between the sounds of the voices or the parents—the voice of the father sounds different of that of the mother.
    - - As we grow older and develop and gain more life experiences, our ability to distinguish between different sounds is improved
        
        Not only can we recognize different voices but we can recognize subtle differences in the way that sounds are made
        
        Image yourself surrounded by people who are speaking a language that you cannot understand. Perhaps passing through an airport in another country. You can probably distinguish between different voices, male and female, young and old and also gain some understanding about what is going on around you based on the tone of voice, mannerism and body language of the other people. You are not understanding what is being said but using discriminative listing to gain some level of comprehension of your surroundings.
  - - - In order to use comprehensive listening and gain understanding the listener first needs appropriate vocabulary and language skills.
        
        Using overly complicated language can be a barrier to comprehensive listening.
    - - Non-Verbal signals can greatly aid communication and comprehensive but also confuse and potentially lead to misunderstandings.
        
        Seek clarification and use skills such as reflection aid comprehension.
  - - - Advising
        
        Offer a solution
      - Questioning
        
        Asking a question
      - Comfort/Supporting
        
        You agree, offer help
      - Analyzing
        
        Offers an interpretation
      - Promoting
        
        Briefed statement, nod, etc..
      - Judging
        
        Evaluate the senders thoughts or behaviors in someone
      - Paraphrase
        
        Reflect
- - - - Demonstrate that they have been listening
    - - Remembering key points
    - - Positive words of encouragement
- - - - The skills involved are difficult to learn
        
        How well we listen depends on the circumstances of the communication, our motivation to listen and our personality.
        
        Key to developing your listening skills is practice and consistently applying good listening skills across all communication situations.
        
        Effective listening leads to a deeper understanding and you are likely to develop stronger and more meaningful relationships with others
    - - No link between cognitive, intelligence, and how well we listen.
        
        Ex: Very intelligent people may be more likely to get bored with a conversation and ‘tune out’, thinking about other things and therefore not listening
      - People with higher emotions Intelligence (EQ), on the other hand, are more likely to be better listeners
    - - People overestimate their own listening abilities and underestimate the listening abilities of others
        
        Other people tend to think that they are better listeners than you
        
        Effective listening can only be measured by the understandings that you gain—this will inevitably vary for different situations and for different people
        
        Believing that you are a better listener that others is unlikely to be true unless you have taken the time to learn and practise your listening skills over a period of time.
    - - Having good hearing does not make you an effective listener. It’s perfectly possible to have good hearing—but poor listening skills.
        
        Effective listening means focusing on the meaning of the word that you hear and putting them into context to gain an understanding.
        
        Hearing is a passive process— like breathing— we do it without thinking. Listening however, is a learnt skill and an active process. Our brains have to work harder to process the information that we hear and see in order to understand the meaning of the message. Understanding is the goal of listening.
    - - Men and women value communication differently
        
        Women place a higher value of connection, cooperation, and emotional messages
        
        Men are more concerned with facts and may be uncomfortable talking about and listening to personal or emotional subjects.
    - - You don’t become a better listener as you get older
        
        People do not automatically become better listeners as they get older - without practice and consciously thinking about listening there is no reason why listening will improve, it may actually get worse.
        
        As we go through life, gaining experience and understanding of the world around us our capacity for listening is likely to improve.
  - - - Sympathy is not the same as empathy
        
        Sympathize when you feel sorry for the experience of another
        
        Empathize is to put yourself in the position of the other person
    - - Race, gender, age, religion, accent, and/or past experience
    - - Understanding what you are hearing but not putting yourself in the shoes of the speaker.
        
        Internal self dialogue
        
        Spend a lot of time listening to our own thoughts and feelings
        
        Difficult to switch the focus from "I" or "me" to "them" or "you".
        
        Effective listening involves opening your mind to the views of others and attempting to feel empathetic.
    - - Effective listening includes being open-minded to the ideas and opinion of others
        
        Does not mean you have to agree but should listening and attempt to understand
    - - Hungry, thirsty, or needing to use the toilet.
    - - Thinking
        
        For example that a person is not very bright or is under-qualified
        
        So there is no point in listening to what they have to say
    - - Fiddling with your hair, fingers, a pen etc.
      - Gazing out of the window.
      - Focusing on objects other than the speaker.
    - - When we have a lot on our minds we can fail to listen to what is being said as we're too busy concentrating on what we're thinking about.
        
        This is true when we feel stressed or worried about issues.
    - - The topic/issue being discussed and you become bored.
    - - All influenced by previous experiences in life.
        
        We respond to people based on personal appearances, how initial introductions or welcomes were received and/or previous interpersonal ecounters.
        
        If we stereotype a person we become less objective and therefore less likely to listen effectively.
    - - Pay more attention to how you feel and their physical appearance than to what they are saying.
    - - We all have ideals and values that we believe.
        
        It's difficult to listen to the views of other that contradict our own opinions.
        
        Key to effective listening and interpersonal skills is the ability to have a truly open mind.
        
        Understand why others think about things differently to you and use this information to gain a better understanding of the speaker.
    - - Being on the phone and talking to another person.
        
        Distracted by some dominant noise in the immediate environment.
      - Televison or radio on while attempting to listen to somebody talk.
  - - - Listener who are engaged with the speaker tend to give eye contact
      - Lack of eye contact could also be a sign of shyness.
    - - Slouched, leaning back or swinging on a chair, leaning forward onto the desk or table and/or constantly shifting posture
      - People who are paying attention tend to lean slightly towards the speaker
    - - Fidgeting, doodling, looking at watch, yawning
    - - Often when a listener is engaged with the speaker they nod their head, this is a way to encourage the speaker and show attention.
        
        Lack of head nods can mean the opposite—listening is not happening.
        
        The same can be true about facial expressions, attentive listeners use smile as feedback mechanisms and to show attention.
  - - - We imitate listening and give the apperence of being attentive.
        
        We look the other in the eye, nod, smile, at the right times and even answer but we aren’t really listening
        
        Student are masters of the faulty listening habit.
    - - When the listener is distracted they may suddenly think about something else that is not related to the topic of the speaker nd attempt to change the conversation to their new topic.
    - - Our ability to just hear what we want to hear or what is relative
        
        When you hear you name spoken on the TV or start listing when someone starts talking about snowboarding and the snow board.
        
        We filter out what they perceive as being of key importantance and then stop listening or become distracted.
        
        Selective listening is a sign of failing communication—-you cannot hope to understand if you have filtered out some of the messages and may reinforce or strengthen your bias for future communications.
    - - Take innocent comments as personal attacks
        
        If someone say “Hey I like your hair haircut!” A defensive listener might respond “Well what was wrong with it before?”
    - - When we listen carefully but only because we are collecting information to attack what the other has said
        
        It’s a skill to listen for faults but worse to not listen to the whole argument
    - - Instead of looking for something specific to listen for, these listeners avoid certain topics and “insulate” themselves from things they don’t want to hear
    - - Stage hogs try to turn the topic of conversations to themselves instead of showing interest in the speaker.
    - - We don’t receive another person’s messages clearly..when we are unable to “get” the nonverbal cues from another
        
        An insensitive listener might be someone who keeps on talking even though you have looked at your watch several times to indicate you have to go.
    - - Daydreaming can occur when the listener hears something that sets off a chain of unrelated thoughts in their head – they become distracted by their ‘own world’ and adopt a ‘far-away’ look.
    - - Some people want to jump in early in a conversation and start to offer advice before they fully understand the problem or concerns of the speaker.
    - - Thinking of something to say and interrupting the speaker with your own thoughts, finishing other people’s sentences.
    - - Assuming you know what somebody is going to say based on preconceived ideas, bias, stereotyping and previous experiences.