The Leopard Charm
Characters
Plot
Random scenes
getting hurt, leopard scares her but becomes protective
fluffy safari drive keeping her warm
stargazing on leopard back
debate on wildlife and food chain
joking about making her rich and famous; photography
asks why he doesn't have scars in human form, says they taught him, she says that's another useful thing, he says cynically, she apologises, he does too, tells her about it (seen as demon, taught to hate himself, couldn't kill...* story about ex)
Alexa 'no empathy' ask for max who takes her outside stargazing and tries to build up each other's independence together <3
lion/tree scene
he pushes her down, drags her up tree by shirt, raking her back
he changes back as soon as they're up, eyes wide, shaking, she focuses on comfort
he feels blood, leaps away, she says she'll jump if he will, he says she wouldn't dare
She calls Mara and explains his role in the ecosystem finishing with herself when he insists this is what a leopard is
she says he'd never hurt her, proves her own point when he can't push her off, says it's bad to trust him that much, and wants to treat her wounds, she says she's falling in love looks at her a long time "let me see your wounds"
he goes stiff and treats her wounds, she realises that's ok, asks about his medical supplies (connect to when she asked about changing with clothes, 'they called you Mara there? you don't have to tell me if you don't want to' 'i'll tell you but not now'
she leans into him despite wounds, he says he <3's her too, she fells warm, he suggests going down, changes in mid-kiss 'ew' 'i'm your only ride down'
'are you doubting my strength, human?' laughter, scars --> backstory another time
visiting the market, she doesn't like it but he's there for her
they swim together bc she doesn't like the depth of the ocean
fight over Alexa scene
they fight because she should 'put more effort in' with Alexa, she becomes super cold and he has no idea what to do but can tell there's an underlying problem (cares about sean, who's with A)
SA's relationship is unhealthy, she's well aware of what <3 can do, blinding people and hurting them --> she doesn't let herself stay and commit, needs change, he has to understand and help her through it <3
'let me do your bow for you'
'I can do it'
'Liz'
'max'
sigh 'please can you let me do your bow?'
'that's slightly better, less macho/patriarchal'
rolls eyes grabs end of bow as she walks away
glares 'what's so bad about my bows?'
'you tied it far too tight' pulls her back by ribbon
'you could've ripped the ribbon off my dress, you macho idiot'
gets offended but hides it(?) backhugs her to tie the ribbon then pulls her back for a kiss 'you're the one who's always adhering to ridiculous norms and stereotypes that belong in the past with corsets and ish, let my girl breathe'
'you're so cheesy'
watching the sunset with mojitos on one of the cushion islands, everyone leaves, max becomes super sentimental suddenly and they kiss <3
she takes him/he takes her sailing, discovering it's something they both enjoy, everyone teases them about it later (when they finally wake up lol)
fight because she gets distant and careful and he gets clingy, she because she doesn't let herself be pleased with what she's got and is afraid to hurt(both sides), he because he hasn't learned to trust/love. Fight breaks out bc she's on her period and he keeps asking what's up, but he knows there's something more, but she's still angry, she cries about it later and he comforts her, she tries to reject it because she reacted badly and now he's apologising, he tells her how hurt he is too and she finally figures out with him (who had talked to friends) that she's too perfectionistic and needs to let herself enjoy what she has <3
MC girl (Elize--Lize, Liz, Eli) (INFJ)
(ISTP)
annoying?? couple: alexa and sean
guy friends along for the ride: Will and Eric (super nice) *find subplot for them
traits
flaws
scared-->angry
pretends to be someone else, doesn't trust easily AT ALL
insecure-->jealous
fear of failure, stubborn in his dislike to show this
overprotective
when he speaks, it's the truth; blunt
assets
trustworthy
loyal
kind
rational
logical
funny
reflective but keeps a lot to himself
he's manipulative but feels bad because she's so gullible; he's using her because he needs to feel loved but doesn't want to burden her
traits
flaws
cares too much
far too passionate
socially anxious
naïve (a little, maybe, dude idk)
insecure, fear of failure-->doesn't want to try/risk
risk-taker
assets
altruistic
introverted
humble
wants to help everyone and please everyone
cares <3
trustworthy
reflective & hard on herself
open-minded
Themes (don't we love them:):):) )
self-acceptance
it's ok not to be perfect
freedom with regards to being yourself
ROMAAAAANCE (lol will this be a fanfic? a gay fanfic? dude idk, i guess we'll find out)
depression/self-deprecating thoughts
guilt/fear and how to deal with emotions
balanced, healthy relationships
Backstory
has killed animals--and the girl when he revealed himself to her
didn't tell dad, but grandfather died with the secret, helped 'kidnap' max and send him off to the tribe in africa
never changed back since
why did he go on safari? as a test of ability and bc of friends' insistance???
parents also wanted him to be perfect (they have to grow together
he takes care of her physically, she him emotionally --> find a way to change it up; he has to learn to trust himself too, with his life; he has a panic attack at night because he's too afraid of himself/his powers and whatever; he falls into a kind of depression? because he can't deal with the stress, almost faint at one point and then she starts worrying about him but she barely eats either bc the stress is eating at her too but she won't show it, she cares more about all the emotional background to the problem rather than just telling him to eat
'you have to care for something to be beautiful'???
can't open window lol
necklace gets heavy --> goes quiet when touch
'you're getting better at it' points out lions lazily'
she falls asleep on the safar
comments that make him itch to change + she's touching the necklace
disdain when several cars crowd around a cheetah hunting
disdain for the guide (max is rich so she think's he's being petty)
balloon ride <3 he's scared of heights, she thinks it's kinda cute and teases him partly to help and partly to annoy him
both depend on each other too much bc he gives in suddenly and completely, stops pretending and it's so hard because he wants to relapse and he needs her; she wants to help him but they must learn to trust themselves first...finds him alone in a tree one day when he promised not to change...
.......she finds out about him bc she wakes up one night alone and goes outside? finds him and freezes in place but he leaves because he's suddenly terrified of how he could hurt her--> HOW DOES SHE FIND OUT???
"DARKNESS, NOTHING, GONE, don't you understand?" Tears streamed both their faces, eyes blown wide with anguish.
"I'm not dumb enough to do that to you...i'm sorry, so so sorry...everything hurts, max, everything hurts so bad. it's never enough, i can't do it, i can't help you, i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry"
READ: saved from suicide but she can't deal with anything anymore and has no idea what she should be doing what's right, what's wrong, and doesn't want to become attached to him, she likes to think that's because she doesn't want to hurt him but really she's just selfish and doesn't trust people easily
Quotes
"You've got to tell someone what you're going through"
Letting go is hard but being free is beautiful
Do I look like the kind of person to just die?
FLY (first love yourself)
Nothing would be the same if you didn't exist. (the butterfly effect)
You're not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness
The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what others think
If you don't want to talk about it, say so. But don't lie and say everything's fine
She was like the moon, part of her was always hidden away
take the mask off when you speak to me
Draw a monster. Why is it a monster?
Humans are only evil because they have morals
He knew she was a strong woman. Strong enough to take care of herself. He just thought she shouldn't have to, is all.
Of course I love him. You don't give people you don't love the power to destroy you
pain changes people. Makes them trust less, overthink more, and shut people out
dead people receive more flowers because regret is stronger than compassion
she turns up the music to drown out her life/thoughts
suddenly sad songs aren't sad enough
i love the three am version of people. Vulnerable. Honest. Real
I just want to sleep forever (;)
broken crayons still colour
i don't want to but I still care
what are you thinking about? kissing you
I felt less lonely when I didn't know you
Motivations
wants to help him
Conflicts
Man vs Man
Man vs Nature
Man vs Self
wants to be happy
wants the people around her to be happy
Other random ideas
she wants to get her life together, but realises she's taking on way too much at a time and needs to focus on herself first
Images
Butterfly
stars
Max vs himself
Elize vs herself
Alexa vs Sean
Max vs nature
Max and Elize vs nature
Elize vs Alexa
regarded as the most responsible of them, meant to basically have her life together
motivations
overcome whatever is inside of him
make Eli happy
be happy and at peace with himself
Big Five necklace
evil is knowing better but doing worse anyway
I know. I know loving me scared the hell out of you, and you just couldn't. But you need to know it was the same for me. But I wanted you more than I wanted to hang on to hell
I know you're scared, but its not of me. You're afraid of the realness, fearful for the first time in your life of something you can't walk away from, and that scares the hell out of you
Sometimes she'll push away what she wants because she wants it too much. And too much scares the hell out of her. Because sometimes people lose themselves in wanting too much
embracing change but not hiding from commitment with it
we're all bad in someone's story (think of the things Eli does badly too)
we're all broken, that's how the light gets in (Hemingway)
we're just kids, we're not supposed to be heros
in the end we're all just humans drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness
ways to start feeling again: sit in the sun without anything to do; walk around barefoot; sit quietly for a while; drive around aimlessly to your favorite songs; stop trying to numb or dull your senses; eat a few meals without any distractions; look up at the stars and the moon
Just cause you're breathing doesn't mean you're alive
damaged people love you like a crime scene, before a crime has even been committed. They keep their running shoes beside their souls every night, one eye open in case things change while they sleep, their backs are always tense as thought waiting to fight a sudden storm that might engulf them. Because damaged people have already seen hell. And damaged people understand that every evil demon that exists down there was once a kind angel before it fell
If they need space, give it to them; if you don't, you'll get closer to them and they'll grown away from you
making the story about her even though he's the one that needs her, but he wants her to know that's okay, he had to do that too, and he will do it too
People show their true colours unintentionally, pay attention
I know you hate yourself. You think I haven't noticed? The way you are so insecure about what we had that you almost couldn't handle me talking to someone else, the way you would start fights just to see if I would leave you, the way you subconsciously sabotage every good thing you have in your life because you think it will eventually be gone anyway so why get attached, right? You are terrified of having someone love you and care about you and you are so scared that you'll ruin the good people and the good things in your life, that you ruin them on purpose in hopes of sparing yourself some pain had it not worked out on its own. But I love you. I love you even though you don't love you. I see good things in you and I see broken things as well and I love every piece of you to the point that it hurts. You are a friend to me that I have connected with on a level I don't understand and that scares the absolute fuck out of me but I have fought off every bad thing that has happened to us because I want you and I realise I can't have you, but I will still be here for you. I care and nothing you do will make me stop caring because I need you and you need me.
Writing prompts to build characters:
Annoyance
His coworker or neighbor keeps listening to awful music.
At the casino, she played the slot machine for an hour before giving up. The next person sat down and got a huge jackpot on the first try.
Someone who was caught breaking a rule, or the law, wasn’t properly punished.
Someone stole or copied his creative work, research, or invention.
Someone’s taking up two seats on public transit, so she has to stand.
There are no parking spaces, and someone double-parked.
Someone criticizes her cat, dog, or child.
His pet, child, partner, or roommate wakes him up at night for the third time in a row.
Her snack just got stuck in the vending machine.
Someone he knows keeps talking about himself or herself, dominating the conversation.
She’s wrongly accused of a misdeed, or even punished for it.
The zipper of his coat gets stuck.
She sees someone mistreating or threatening a vulnerable individual.
He gets home from the store with several bags of groceries, but not the one item he went there to get.
Someone cheats on her.
Someone steals his wallet, computer, or car.
There’s water on the bathroom floor and his socks get soaked.
She’s asked her partner or child a hundred times to stop doing a particular thing. They’ve promised to stop. They’re still doing it.
Someone eats food off his plate without asking.
Someone makes a cruel joke or insensitive remark.
Someone cuts ahead of her in line.
Someone defaces his property or damages his vehicle.
Someone interrupts her repeatedly.
Someone asks him too many personal questions.
A sick person coughs or sneezes on her.
Holiday prompts
Two people who are secretly romantically interested in one another. They agree to share Christmas dinner together, just as friends, because a family holiday isn’t going to happen and all of their other friends are already busy.
Someone doesn’t have anyone to spend Christmas with.
A person is on a difficult quest to find or make a particular gift for someone else.
A Christmas card arrives in the mail fifty years after it was delivered.
The Christmas ornament is supposedly enchanted.
Someone has just became fabulously wealthy and is picking out gifts for their family.
Someone is transported to a Christmas in a past century.
To impress her, he learns all of the words to her favorite Christmas carol. And he doesn’t even like carols. Or Christmas. Or singing.
Someone embarrasses herself at a Christmas party.
Write a scene inspired by the image of a boat decked out in Christmas lights.
Notes and gifts from a “Secret Santa” take a strange turn.
After the blizzard hits, they’re stuck together for a while, and they have to stay warm.
A single person reacts to getting Christmas cards from married couples with pictures of them with their smiling children.
Two strangers wind up participating in a holiday activity together.
Someone has been cutting down and stealing trees from the Christmas tree farm.
Someone resorts to desperate measures to get home for Christmas.
Write about the worst present your character ever got.
They’re putting up a Christmas tree at the hospital.
Write about someone who’s determined to make amends at Christmas.
Write a scene that incorporates the smells of Christmas.
Someone receives a gift wrapped in newspaper and duct tape.
At the castle, Christmas is very different from what she’s used to.
He and his very pregnant wife can’t find a hotel room right before Christmas.
Okay, he’s not Santa, but he did have a very good reason for breaking into the house.
What’s a reindeer doing in this part of town?
Embarrassment
Your bra comes undone or the bra strap breaks.
- You accidentally send an email or a text criticizing or mocking a person… to that person.
- You break a chair or a fence you sit on.
- You’ve gone to the wrong classroom, business meeting, or funeral.
- You say something very personal to your best friend or partner and then realize someone else is in earshot.
- You break a glass or spill a drink.
- You unexpectedly have your period and bleed through your clothes.
- You congratulate a woman on her pregnancy. She’s not pregnant.
- You accidentally hug a stranger thinking it’s your parent or significant other.
- You were only pretending to know about something, and then somebody asks you detailed questions about it.
- You take a spectacular fall on stage.
- You say the wrong thing during your wedding vows.
- You walk into a pole or a wall.
- You realize you’ve been calling someone the wrong name for weeks.
- You show up for dinner on the wrong night.
- Someone reads your private letter or diary entry out loud in a group.
- You realize your shirt is on backwards or inside out (or both).
- You’re underdressed, overdressed, or wearing something completely inappropriate for the occasion.
- You fart while taking part in a group conversation.
- You faint or get sick at the worst possible time.
- An unflattering or compromising photo of you is widely distributed.
- A family member brings up something private in front of friends.
- You’re caught singing or dancing when you thought you were alone.
- You eat something that was only meant for decoration.
- You send an important email to important people with a truly unfortunate typo.
How to start your novel:
Romance conlicts
Part 1: she finds out about him
trip to kenya and stuff, she starts suspecting something's different and they start getting close
he starts opening up to her, they get along more easily, start making jokes and things, "you'd rather hurt yourself than other people" at a random moment
he's slowly learning to trust her past his usually stoic nature, still notices a lot about her but is more vocal about it now
Defence mechanism = to go quiet, face blank especially when faced with emotions and more abstract ideas or concepts to grasp
SHE FINDS OUT, keeps overthinking everything he's doing and wants to be there for him,
Part 2: their relationship develops
they start becoming really cute but also dependent on eachother
he's more open with her but she gets more impulsive and testy and all that (see pinterest post stuff), she feels bad and is kind of afraid of how dependent they are, afraid she won't be able to help enough, he's worried about what he's dragged her into and she knows he's pulling away out of want to protect her but she thinks it's because she can't do it anymore
Part 3: they are forced to separate
she's really curt and blunt and mean to people around her, making everything worse. Max breaks character and helps her (stargazing scene)
he breaks up with her officially [right before they go back to their previous lives??]
she sinks really, really low, he withdraws because he knows he's not helping her, she's desperate for him back and wants him to use her and all that, really dependent and dark stuff
she finally learns to grow from it, but makes him promise they'll grow together, so they start to really pay attention to each other and both still spend time with each other and stuff
she hates herself for being like this, because she knows he isn't doing anything wrong, knows she's being really selfish, and cuts herself???? he reacts really crazy and tells her she needs to learn to love herself first, she says she feels terrible for making this about her
body language
habits: listening to music at night to fall asleep because her thoughts are too loud
curious
spontaneous
enjoy helping people and teaching them about what they're passionate about
relatively quiet and reserved
strong morals about 'do unto others', accepting others' behaviour as fair play regardless of whether its good or bad
less regard for others' plans and sensitivities
dislike boundaries and guidelines (but learned to predict and watch for emotions due to past)
optimistic and energetic
flexible but are able to prioritise and adapt (so save their spontaneity for later)
easily bored
dislike commitment (like, A LOT)
risk-prone behaviour, risk-takers
Elize vs Max
she feels he's still very difficult to completely grasp and understand which makes her question herself and what she's trying to do
trauma due to past, shapeshifting, all of that
her incompetence faced with Max's trust
the love that disguises their unhealthy relationship
Elize who can see through their relationship (but not her own) but Alexa who doesn't want to admit any of this
his rejection of this other part of himself that he believes is bad
some scenes where they'd be confronted with the wilderness surrounding them due to their spontaneity and Liz wants to find out as much as she can about Max and his 'natural environment' even though he's less keen
need personal space (but this is similar to Elize)
try to change their partner's habits (get them to loosen up)
find it difficult to communicate emotionally (do so through action), and tend to hide their own emotions as they are unsure of how to express them
live too much in the present
BASICALLY...
they like to go with the flow and dislike commitment, preferring to avoid emotional stuff and attaching themselves too much to people
knows to reign in their excitement but can also be very spontaneous and passionate about something very suddenly, dropping all else
needs personal space, like, a lot
has strong morals and therefore disregards certain rules they don't think are necessary/don't see the point of
quickest way to get on their bad side: criticise them, limit their options, confine them, don't give them time alone, and make them have to deal with lots of feels
Other cool stuff
How they react to stress...
severe: will become uncharacteristically emotional and hyper-sensitive
Other cool stuff
Under stress...
severe: will become impulsive and rash and indulge in extreme behaviours
Max gets sick and almost overdoses on medicine just to not go somewhere which lowkey annoys Liz, but he stays with her and they're cute so :)
How to annoy them: complain, be a chatterbox, be inefficient or incompetent (will banish your feelings and let you get on with said task), overreact emotionally
how to annoy them: noise and interruptions, facades and attention-seeking behaviour, small talk, condescension,
moderate: they will become more dominant in their Ti function, becoming obsessed with logic and proving a point; will lash out at the people they believe are causing them the stress
what they want in a relationship
honesty
loyalty
independence ⚠
understanding (emotionally)
a sense of adventure
humour
affection and warmth
respect
one-to-one time
will get angry and show it instead of trying to talk it through
indecisive
As an INFJxISTP pair...
both get good space
INFJ learns from ISTP and therefore is able to see logical POV
ISTP grounds ISTP in present and notices details
needs to learn to express emotions so ISTP can then be empathetic (dancing helps here maybe? or writing? or listening to music?
like to talk about people as INFJ gathers insights about people and ISTP then critically analyses them
as an INFJxISTP pair
likes space given to him
likes how INFJs analyse their own emotions/express what they need from the other, which takes this pressure off
conflicts sometimes as INFJ enjoys planning but ISTP is spontaneous
INFJ likes to plan but ISTP is spontaneous
May find it a challenge to have a common topic for discussion; Sensors enjoy talking about everyday happenings while Intuitive enjoys ideas, trends and theories. These differences in interest may mean the couple may find little or no chemistry
May find it a challenge to have a common topic for discussion; Sensors enjoy talking about everyday happenings while Intuitive enjoys ideas, trends and theories. These differences in interest may mean the couple may find little or no chemistry
they hate beating around the bush, but INFJs can have a lot going on in their heads and find it hard to make sense of it all sometimes
they hate beating around the bush, but INFJs can have a lot going on in their heads and find it hard to make sense of it all sometimes
they don't really tend to have ticks/habits since they are very aware of themselves in their immediate surroundings
we both drowned under the waves of words we weren't saying
emotional triggers:
Incoherence
Falsehood
Innaccuracy
Irrational bias
moderate: will become more Ni, more out of touch with their bodies and feel like they can't be themselves
emotional triggers:
Inaccurate foresight
Superficiality
Meaninglessness
Having their insights and perspective dismissed
things they look for in a relationship
authenticity
intellect stimulation
open communication
desire for growth
empathy
independence
shared values
commitment ⚠
attentivenes
intimacy (also with emotions)⚠
pinterest prompts
where a taxi cab would take you if they only went where you needed to go
she showed up at his door soaking wet, bruised, and covered in glitter
pick up the book closest to you and turn to page 55, use the second sentence on the page as your prompt
the silence woke her
what are you so afraid of? you
i'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong
i was just kind of hoping that you'd, you know...fall in love with me
do me a favour and don't come back...because I'll probably just let you back in until you decide to leave again
you'd rather hurt yourself than anyone else
i trusted you. well, then you can't exactly blame me, can you? It was your mistake
at that moment I saw the life leave her beautiful eyes even if she was not dead
don't breathe on that, it's expensive
no one should wield that kind of power with their voice
looking different from person to person, asking people to describe what you look like
I am under no obligation to make sense to you
you've been writing again. So who's behind the pain this time? I know you. You only write when you're hurting. When your heart's heavy, your mind full, your soul achig. Those are the times when your best words spill on the page. I know this because I've read them, I've felt your words enter my skin, flow through my veins, and embed themselves onto my heart. So tell me, who's behind the beautiful heart breaking poetry this time?
⭐ I'm fine. You don't look fine. Then stop looking
he sits at her bedside, holding her hand, waiting for her to wake up
you walk into a room to find that the only way to escape is by writing a name of a real person on a piece of paper. This will kill that person
I assume I deserve this, but can you tell me why you want to kill me this time?
i wanna run away with someone in the middle of the night and go on adventures and see the world and eat at cheap truck stops and sit on top of our car and look at the stars and just be somewhere other than here
shopping at a grocery store
i went over to your room because you were blasting music to find you lying in a pile of pillows sobbing and listening to some love song and now I don't know what to do
teaching the other to fight/something else (what are those bruises from i'll murder all of your bullies)
she stared at her favourite rooibos tea set beside her and frowned. "I haven't ordered this." "True, but I did." The chillingly familiar voice reached her before he sat down across from her. "Hello again."
⭐ People have to pretend you're a bad person so they don't feel bad about the things they do to you
doesn't care
perfectionist
character building exercises
test their loyalty to different people
signs and methods of mental abuse
1.Rage – This is an intense, furious anger that comes out of nowhere, usually over nothing. It startles and shocks the victim into compliance or silence.
2.Gaslighting – Mental abusers lie about the past, making their victim doubt her memory, perception, and sanity. They claim and give evidence of her past wrong behavior further causing doubt. She might even begin to question what she said a minute ago.
3.The Stare – This is an intense stare with no feeling behind it. It is designed to scare a victim into submission, and is frequently mixed with the silent treatment.
4.Silent Treatment – Some abusers punish by ignoring. Then they lets their victim “off the hook” by demanding an apology even though he/she isn’t to blame. This is to modify his/her behavior. They also have a history of cutting others out of their life permanently over small things.
5.Projection – They dump their issues onto their victim as if she were the one doing it. For instance, narcissistic mental abusers may accuse their spouse of lying when they have lied. Or they make her feel guilty when he is really guilty. This creates confusion.
6.Twisting – When abusers are confronted, they will twist it around to blame their victims for their actions. They will not accept responsibility for their behavior and insist that their victim apologize to them.
7.Manipulation – A favorite manipulation tactic is for the narcissist to make their victim fear the worst, such as abandonment, infidelity, or rejection. Then they refute it and ask her for something she normally would reply with “No.” This is a control tactic to get him/her to agree to do something he/she wouldn’t.
"You've gotta stop that." "stop what?" "saying/doing things that make me want to kiss you"
before kissing a girl: grab her by the waist, pull her close, look into her eyes, look at her lips while biting yours, look at her eyes, grab her chin gently, lean in to kiss her slowly (it will drive her crazy)
he can't sleep ("i don't sleep. My mind has the scary capability of being dark and demented." "you're afraid of your dreams." "yes") and she helps him, but then it gets worse at one point and that's when she finds out he's a shapeshifter?
His whole shape-shifting thing explained
cute pre-official-couple things
finding excuses to touch each other in little ways (your hand is so small and cute/there's something in your hair/my hands are so cold feel them)
throwing stuff (grass, paper, etc.) at each other and laughing until friends tell them to get a room already
slowly getting more comfortable with physical affection but only from said person
sitting/leaning a little too close but playing it off as casual
making the other eat/giving them their food
giving each other massages when they look sore
insulting each other as a form of affection/having a playful argument
sitting next to each other on long car rides
'platonically' and 'sarcastically' saying "wow, rude, love you too, [name]" after the other teases or insults them
"I can fit the whole world into my hands" "no that's impossible" cups [name]'s face; blushes furiously "get off me I have a reputation"
around somebody they hate: layer and layers of ironic insults, sees how obvious they can get without the other person noticing
around somebody they hate: says nothing in the moment but discusses the hated one with their trusted friend later
"is this the end? after everything we've been through?"
"asking for help doesn't make you weak"
"is it so wrong for me to want to save you?"
My best is never good enough
Please don't do this
A 'thank you' would be nice
we shouldn't be doing this
did you do this to yourself?
you did this on purpose.
is that a blood stain?
whose side are you on here?
i've never done this before
let's get this over with
i needed you, and you weren't there
you can't even look me in the eyes
i let people down. It's what I do
you said you'd be there
are you sleeping with them?
let me finish talking for once
we'll make it work
am i not good enough for you?
just let me do it
you can't always expect me to fix things for you
you can spend the night, if you want to
i just want you to be happy
i brought food
why didn't you tell me sooner?
I can't do this without you
this has to stay between you and me
is that my shirt?
i'm leaving tomorrow morning
what if I bring beer?
i'm trying to get work done here
don't come back
do you believe in love? (No.)
I can't keep doing this
just hold my hand, please
make a confession
do some normal stuff like their day-to-day choices or environment
write an autobiography for your character
write a few scenes where the character interacts with you as the writer
parental relationships
sibling relationships
enemy relationships as children
first grief
counting the cost
mistakes INFJs make in life
overcommitting and single-mindedness (leads to unhealthy relationships and over-the-top passions that disregard necessary day-to-day chores)
idolising people (hard to then live up to that as well)
self-blame
single-mindedness
avoiding conflict
chronic dissatisfaction with life, asking themselves if something else could be better, could be improved
Ideas from Reasons to Stay Alive, by Matt Haig
Have self help/how to help in between chapters
"the price for being intelligent enough to be the first species to be fully aware of the cosmos might just be a capacity to feel a whole universe's worth of darkness"
Symptoms of depression and anxiety
like a reflection showed a different person, tingling sensations, scared of going mad, inability to contemplate the future, hypochondria, separation anxiety, agoraphobia, sense of heavy dread, mental exhaustion, physical exhaustion, uselessness, chest tightness, falling sensation, aching limbs, inability to speak, lost, clammy, infinite sadness, disconnected, urge to be someone else, loss of appetite, inner trembling, on the verge of panic, too-thin air, need to continuously scan for warning signs of dead/madness, believing these warning signs when seen, insomnia, desire to walk quickly, deja vu, darkness in periphery of vision, desire to step out of oneself
anhedonia: inability to feel pleasure
warning signs of depression:
fatigue, low self-esteem, psychomotor retardation, loss or increase of appetite, irritability, frequent crying episodes, anhedonia, sudden introversion
"monsters are real, and ghosts are too. They live inside of us, and sometimes, they win." Stephen King
chiaroscuro: contrast of light and shade; how they play together to emphasise each other
things thought during panic attacks
first:death, going mad, being alone, being seen as weird/mad, no end, heart beating too fast, trapped, being the only one feeling like this, numbness, never getting over 'this'
1,000th: ive been here before, its still bad, i might die, i won't die, trapped, worst ever, no its not, numbness, i will get over this
reasons to stay alive:
you are in a dark, dark land with a population of millions
things aren't going to get worse
we all hate ourselves
everyone would have a label if they asked the right professional
the feeling that everything is going to get worse is one of the symptoms
minds have their own weather systems. You are in a hurricane. Hurricanes run out of energy eventually
ignore stigma
nothing lasts forever
Your mind is a galaxy, more dark than light, but the light makes it worthwhile. Life is not still, time is space. You are moving through the galaxy. Wait for the stars
You will one day experience joy that matches the pain
Love: No matter how much we love someone, we cannot rid them or ourselves of pain completely. Shchopenhauer: "we forfeit 3/4 of ourselves to be like other people" but love allows us to be ourselves.
How to be there for someone with depression
know that you are needed and appreciated
listen
never say 'pull yourself together' unless you are going to give detailed, foolproof instructions
appreciate it is an illness, things will be said that aren't meant
educate yourself, understand that what might seem easy to you might be an impossible challenge for someone with depression
be patient. do not take one happy/bad moment as proof of recovery/relapse
meet them where they are, ask what you can do. Be there
relieve any work/life pressure where possible
don't make the person feel weirder than they already feel about their actions
don't take any of it personally, none of it is your fault
the importance, power, and hope that light brings, and how much books can help you escape, find yourself, or both
"hate is a lack of imagination
throw yourself against your fears "the wound is the place where the light enters you", travel because it brings new stimulus to the mind and the mind doesn't have to solely focus on itself
Depression is also smaller than you. If depression is the grey cloud, you are the sky. It cannot exist without you, but you can exist without it.
restlessness, dread, feeling 'on-edge', difficulty concentrating, irritability, impatience, easily distracted; dizziness, drowsiness, pins and needles, heart palpitations, muscle aches, dry mouth, excessive sweating, shortness of breath, stomach ache, nausea, diarrhoea, headache, excessive thirst, frequent urinating, painful or missed periods, insomnia
Happiness isn't good for the economy, we need to be dissatisfied and anxious to buy more things
Soren Kierkegaard: "anxiety is the dizziness of freedom"
When in a panic attack I wish for a real danger, because that makes it normal, rational, logical
The way out is never through yourself
Things that make it worse
Coffee, lack of sleep, dark, cold, september, october, mid-afternoon, tight muscles, pace of contemporary existence, bad posture, being away from people i love, sitting for too long, advertising, feeling ignored, waking up at 3 am, TV, alcohol, social media (sometimes), deadlines, editing, difficult decisions (which socks to wear), physical illness, thinking i am depressed, dehydration, walking into a social function alone, being alone
Things that (sometimes) make it better
mindfulness, running, yoga, summer, sleep, slow breathing, people I love, poetry, reading, writing, eating well, long baths/showers, movies, music, social media (sometimes), going for a walk, being kind, making burritos, light, the bank of bad days, large rooms, doing something selfless, exercise, wearing clean clothes, absorbing myself into something, knowing that maybe somewhere, someone else will read these words and all the pain I felt wasn't for nothing
So much value is placed on thought, but feeling is essential
by feeling part of humanity, rather than an isolated unit, we feel better
Self Help: How to stop time: kiss; how to travel in time: read; how to escape time: music; how to feel time: write; how to release time: breathe.
Distractions, and being terrified of having nothing but one's own mind to listen to
Live, love, and let go