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Charisma University (The Inner Game (6 Magnetic Mindsets (No matter what,…

- - - - Freewrite - 3 pages, 750 words
      - 750pages.com
      - Literally destroy it - delete the file, throw away (or literally light it on fire) the paper
      - Write a letter to yourself from their point of view explaining their reasoning and/or apologizing
  - - - Every emotion is a habit - neuroplasticity applies to emotional responses. These can be consciously trained.
        
        The "eye scramble" can interrupt negative emotional spirals. When you think, you'll often move your eyes towards the location of your brain that you are using. If you randomly move your eyes about (looks stupid, yes...probably something to be done in private) you are almost literally clearing your brain like shaking an etch-a-sketch.
        
        Give yourself love. Imagine yourself in a mirror, or actually look in a mirror, and tell yourself "I love you, no matter what you do or how you feel, and I accept you"
        
        Test your self-love...can you love someone who you really do not want to love?
  - - - Simple Habit App
      - Joy, Gratitude, Positivity, Non-Judgement
  - - - When you perform an action you don't want to, you imply to yourself that you don't deserve what you DO want or that you're not good enough.
    - - Instead of rehearsing, take that time to feel positive
        
        Move
        
        Meditate
        
        Listen to positive music
        
        Motivational Video
    - - If you don't get THAT job, there are others
      - If this person doesn't like you, others will
    - - When we pre-qualify in this way, we may think we are setting expectations low from others, but we are really setting OUR OWN expectations low.
      - Don't qualify - just GO
    - - People crave leadership - just make a choice
      - Often, people who "don't care" are actually disconnected from their desires...they don't know what they actually want, or they repress what they want.
  - - - Eliminate all the "what ifs". It will be ok, you'll move on.
      - Shows immunity to social pressure, towards which people gravitate.
    - - Lying creates a reputation, both with yourself and with others.
    - - Either accept that they are the way they are.
    - - Put yourself out there without fear.
    - - extend praise, share, be vulnerable, crack a joke, take the social risk.
  - - - Clean up your environment
      - Schedule and control your time
      - control your words
      - meditate
      - create progress
    - - If I tell the truth, no matter what, then the consequences of that choice will be the best possible outcome
      - Standing up to a boss can cause unwanted consequences, but is still better than just "dealing with it". If you get fired and are fine anyway, then others will be inspired.
      - Remember Alladin?
      - Idealogue - someone who doesn't judge their thoughts and ideas against reality
    - - Be honest about your demons
      - Be honest that you have dark desires and traits you may not like
      - Integrate your shadow - use it when you need to stand up for something or when you can use it to drive you
  - - - We lie to protect our self-image and our preconceived notions/beliefs
      - If stuck in a bad relationship, you HAVE to admit that you're still there due to FEAR and not rationalize and discount
    - - Give yourself permission to live in paradox, live honestly before putting it into action
    - - Write a list of things that you are (not who you ar
      - Make a second list - exclude the verb "to be" (or "I am") - use actions, concrete things you've done. I spend my time doing X.
    - - Request that they are truthful, even if it may hurt
      - Compared to others, what do I struggle with? How am I hypocritical? Where am I inconsistent? What is a core motivation that I may not be aware of? If you could give me any advice, it would be …?
    - - At least 10 minutes of space (meditation, exercise, talk therapy, massage, etc) to reflect
- - - - This can be taken too far, though, so be sure you're allowing room for others.
  - - - Rather than shut down and defend, consciously use open body language and move slower
      - Slow the breath, take a deep breath
      - Be loud (confident)
    - - Have a "go to" - when addressing speakers of another language, ask if they speak English.
      - Hey, I don't think I've met you yet, I'm Dylan
    - - Dating - intrigue/fun, sharing/comparing values, physical/sexual tension (eye contact, then physical contact that escalates)
      - Study more frameworks
  - - - Ask for notice when they will be late
      - Pause before speaking for a few seconds
    - - Don't Trail Off
      - Don't just stop talking when interrupted, finish saying what you're saying
    - - Do something people don't do
    - - Why do you do what you do
    - - People will respect it, even the targets (though not necessarily at the time)
  - - - I can understand why you think like you do, even if I disagree
      - Making people feel stupid will make them less likely to see your point and change their mind
    - - Relate back to listener
      - Use archetypes
    - - Stop the shouting matches
      - Engage with those who engage properly with you
      - Consider the other person
  - - - Dismissive, tries to prove intelligence
      - Instead, put yourself on the same path - "I was just reading something like that, that's interesting" or "I did a paper on this once that was similar" - state when/how you learned similar information
    - - Assumes that you know all the details you need to give advice
      - Add a qualifier - "if", or "in my opinion" or "in my experience"
    - - Alienates and deligitimizes
      - Eliminate this usage completely
    - - People want emotional validation, this phrase negates what they say and their position
      - Find a way to validate part of what they said or paraphrase
      - "It seems like what you're saying is..." or "It seems like what you're trying to do is..."
    - - Don't assume that your experience is automatically more difficult than another's. You don't know their challenges.
      - Don't suggest that another person has not struggled.
  - - - What is the purpose/goal of this conversation?
      - What are my boundaries? What is acceptable/not acceptable?
    - - "You always..." is bad
      - "You're such a …." is bad
      - "When you do this, it makes me feel..." is good
      - On this occasion, you did x, it made me feel y" is good
    - - Make the other person feel heard and understood
      - Own the mistake
    - - Socratic method: ask questions whenever possible to guide someone to making your conclusion on their own
    - - Beware of reptile brain - once they are yelling/aggressive, it is pprobably time to take a break
  - - - I just wanted to...
      - I was just...
    - - Just ask!
    - - Just introduce yourself. Raise your friends' status if you can.
    - - Use silence to your advantage, own that space. Drop filler sounds.
    - - Don't over-apologize
      - Also, don't turn around and try to justify the behavior afterward
    - - Suggests lack of control/subservience
- - - - Touch
      - Remove physical Barriers (desks, arms/legs)
    - - Full Attention
      - Summary/Paraphrasing
      - Connect with Similar Feelings
    - - Don't diffuse the situation when they get emotional, but engage with it and validate them.
  - - - Make them smile or laugh
    - - Body Language is key
    - - Not by listing achievements
      - Allow accomplishments and status to reveal itself
  - - - Nervousness makes others uncertain. If they feel uncertain, they won't be as willing to buy you.
    - - People don't buy drills, they buy holes.
  - - - Look for openings - small pauses
      - State how you feel about what the other person said
  - - - Relationship building
    - - What brings you here?
      - What are you working on?
      - What are you looking for?
    - - Meetup.com - Pick an event
      - Make a list of people in your life (say 20-25 people) and what they want.
  - - - Get back in touch with the internal voice - "If I knew that this person would handle it beautifully, I would do/say __"
        
        Or find a middle-ground
    - - Be consistent with who you are - authenticity