Chapter 6: Understanding and Managing Our Emotions
Self Awareness: Thoughts Shape Feelings
Story: There are those who keep their emotions inside. Internalize. Then there are those who wear their emotions on their sleeves. You tend to know what they're feeling at that particular time, because they will show it on their face. I'm a very emotional guy. Hence my mood can be easily swayed. One moment I'm happy that ... and the next I'm mad about ...
- Pursuing a Godly attitude
(Maybe beginning) Life seems to throw us unexpected challenges
You find out your best friend got in a car accident
You get a phone call from your mom who tells you she has cancer.
New mind
A common theme in Scripture is dying to the old and embracing the new that God wants for us
You see your friend getting hurt by someone you know, but you don't know what to do.
What do we do when we encounter difficult challenges in our lives? How are we supposed to think? What do we do with the anger, frustration, fear, worry, stress.. that we experience?
Attitude definition: a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior
We all are taught how to think about certain situations in different ways. This varies for everyone because we all grow up in different backgrounds and situations
I come from a family of Asian doctors.
Grades were stressed as important. My parents wanted me to achieve the best that I could do.
The problem was that I started to think that grades were everything. I placed enormous pressure to do my best on everything. If I didn't get an A on a test, then I would think that I was a failture
Some of you can relate to my story
Some of you might be thinking: Man you got some high standards there
That's because you have a different attitude than me in regards to grades
Grades is just one of many topics and issues in life. We all vary in our attitudes about certain situations and events
Suffering, evil, etc...
We all can agree that there are healthier attitudes that others
We don't like that one person that takes everything seriously and doesn't know how to lose. (That was immature Gerald)
But what attitudes does God want us to embody? In essence, how does God want us to think in certain situations?
Ephesians 4:17-24
Going back to 2 Corinthians: Being transformed into the same image. If are we reflected Christ more clearly every day, we are becoming to take on the way God thinks. His attitude
Before Christ: futility of mind.. leads to lewdness and greediness
If you have heard Christ, put off the old man, and be renewed in the spirit of the mind
Our minds need to be renewed for us to put on the new man
Notice renewing of mind comes before putting on the new man
So how can our minds be renewed? What can lead us to a better understanding of God's attitude?
One thing I've struggled with is why I'm feeling a certain way. I used to blame my emotions on other people's actions or particular circumstances
A = C
Albert Ellis ABC Model
Activating Event
Belief
Consequence
We don't have control over activating events in our lives. What we do have control over are our beliefs about a situation. And beliefs shape our attitude
EGW Quote: If the thoughts are wrong the feelings will be wrong, and the thoughts and feelings combined make up the moral character
Understanding our Thoughts and Feelings
or in other words a thought
which can include how we feel and act
In essence, our beliefs about life situations cause us to feel in certain ways. These, all combined together, make up our character
Going back to the identity chapter, our original identity is to reflect Christ
If we were created to be like God in character, and if thoughts and feelings make up the moral character, then we are called to think like God and feel like God. -Jennifer Schwirzer
Explore the thought or belief behind the feeling
Explore the origins of those beliefs
Seek out wise counsel
Identify the negative scripts
Compare your beliefs to Scripture
2 Corinthians 10:5
Name and acknowledge your feelings!
Research shown suppressing emotions leads to poor sleep patterns, mental exhaustion, weight gain, memory lapses, high blood pressue
Difficult emotions are not sins!
Anger: Jesus expressed anger
Depression: Elijah experienced depression after Mount Carmel
Fear: Look at the Psalms, filled with the cries of the discouraged and fearful.
Why do you feel that way?
Example: Alyssa/Gerald payment situation
Your response can't be.. Becuase she did this! Because he did this! Because someone..
Rather, I felt __ when she/he/someone did __ because I value __
Those are activating events, not your beliefs
The focus shifts from the outer party to you.
External/internal locus of control
Example: Alyssa/Gerald payment situation
Genogram
short and skinny struggle
My changing view on relationships
Find trauma story, Patty? not using her name
Ashton issue with intimacy
Counselors
Pastors
Parents
Good Friends
We all have blind spots in our lives.
Peter Scazzero link to genogram exercise
Clinging to Jesus as you search yourself
This process will be more difficult than you think. But the rewards are priceless.
captive every thought... obedient to Christ
We must choose to change the beliefs we have and align them with God's word
Confession: I am not a psychiatrist, although I am considering the field.
Mental illness can be attributed to medical problems. In some situations, people need prescription medication to combat certain illnesses.
However, Western medicine belief: solve everything through a pill
If you are experiencing extreme difficulties with your emotions, I would suggest seeing a counselor first.
The way we think vastly impacts the way we feel
You can’t heal what you don’t feel
When weren’t not aware of what’s going inside of us, we’re not in reality
If we’re not in reality, we’re in spirituality