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Chapter 9: Caring for Others (Intro: Story of Worship Music (Two points…
Chapter 9: Caring for Others
The power of listening
Listening defined: Wanting to hear
Purpose
focus on understanding the other person, stop focusing on yourself
Quotes
Listening is an active, not passive activty
Our selfish nature
It's not about us when we're listening. It's about them
It's not
mentally rejecting the other person's point of view
thinking about what to say in response
Recognizing and putting down the filters you have
It's not merely being quiet and letting someone speak, it's trying to see things from their perspective. (this ties into empathy)
What I hear you say is....
if you get correct, helps people like they're being heard
If wrong, person has a chance to correct/clarify
Problems
have preconceived expectations of what a person will say
our listening will solidify, we will not be flexible to change
we won't hear what they do or say because that's different from what we're expecting
we only hear what we're expecting
Growing impatient: Consumerism effect - Conversation to text, album to tracks, can't listen to a full sermon, channel hop
Problem: premium of listening is not what it used to be (technology)
Our selfish nature
We think we know what's best in every given situation
It is the arrogance of Christians that drives us to talk (Damien Chandler's book)
We want to talk about ourselves
Treasure each conversation you have with everyone
Not valuing each conversation as before problem
I will listen to you as if I was listening to you for the first time
Julian Treasure TEDX
One of the easiest things for anyone to fall into, whether you are atheist, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, etc, is to believe that you are more valuable/worthy than someone else.
If we are all children of God, we are all valuable enough to be heard. We must be the ones willing to listen
Growing impatient problem
Love is patient 1 Corinthians 10:13
Intro: Story of Worship Music
People don't care how much you know unless they know much you care
I learned to ask questions and understand where they were coming from
At the core of everyone, people want to be understood and heard.
I began to grow compassion for others
Different perspectives in life
Two points
Jesus showed empathy for them
Jesus created space to listen to people
The power of empathy
The alternatives of empathy: not good (think of title)
Pity
definition: acknowledge suffering
that really sucks
I feel sorry for you
too bad for them
examples: natural disasters
Sympathy
definition: I feel bad for your suffering (big jump)
example of natural disaster
Thinking about the families
Think about their feelings
At least trap
Empathy defined
The ability to share someone's feeling or suffering
Perspective taking
Putting yourself in their shoes
If I were in that place
I see/ feel where you're coming from
Examples
!!
Feeling with people
Recognizing emotion in other people
Hard choice because we have to connect with something in ourselves that knows that feeling
Doesn’t need to be same scenario, but we’ve all had feelings of loss, betrayal, suffering, etc
What to say
I know what it’s like to feel that way (affirmation)
I don’t even know what to say right now, I’m so glad you told me
Responses can only help so much. What makes things better is connection
In hard times, we tend to feel like we’re all alone, that no one understands where you’re coming from. The goal of empathy is to help people feel understood