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Conflict (Steps of Win-Win Problem Solving (How to negotiate a solution (a…
Conflict
Steps of Win-Win Problem Solving
Identify your problem and unmet needs to yourself
Make a date with them to find the right time to talk about the problem
Describe your problem and needs to them using "I" language
Ask them to paraphrase you to make sure they understand what you said
Ask them what they want and need
Paraphrase their wants and needs to make sure you understand them
Negotiate a solution
Follow-up on the solution to see if modifications are needed
How to negotiate a solution
a. Identify and define the conflict
b. Generate a number of possible solutions
c. Evaluate the alternative solutions
d. Decide on the best solutions
Types of Conflict
Affective conflict:
when we have incompatible feelings with another person
Conflict of Interest:
when people disagree about a plan of action or what to do in a given circumstance
Value Conflict:
difference in ideologies or values between relational partners
Cognitive Conflict:
the difference in thought process, interpretation of events, and perceptions
Negotiation of Selves Conflict:
when our identities and how we think the other person sees us conflict
Goal Conflict:
when people disagree about a final outcome
Conflict Management
Avoiding/Denying: I lose, you lose
When:
Issue unimportant, no time, winning impossible, other has power, emotions high, value collisions, not enough information, harmony worth it, it's not your problem
Risks:
Miss creative solutions, will resurface in worse form, no closure, self is denied, encourages further avoidance, unment needs, repressed anger
Accommodating: I lose, you win
When:
You see reason to satisfy other's needs, you want to avoid confrontation, when it's possible
Risks:
Miss creative solutions, no guarantee other's needs met, encourages pattern of avoiding, miss basic issues, creates a new problem, often expensive
Compromising: I lose, you lose (I win, you win a little?)
When:
Limited time, winning impossible, win-win impossible, issues are relatively minor
Risks:
No one really satisfied, will resurface, miss creative solutions
Competing: I win, you lose
When:
You have power, not concerned with relationship, limited time, issue so important the consequences are worth it, issue is urgent, issue unimportant to other
Risks:
Other's needs unmet, other has repressed anger, other feels bad about self, damaged relationship, no commitment to solution, miss creative solutions
Collaborating: I win, you win
When:
Issue important to both, relationship important, issue is complex, creative solutions needed, future commitment needed
Risks:
Takes time, takes trust in self and others, takes skills in problem solving, listening and confronting, working on needs before solutions, separating needs from values, separating issues from people
Assertive Message
Describe the
observable behavior
: describe the behavior, being careful to not use evaluative language
Offer your
interpretation
of the other person's behavior: state why you think they are engaged in the behavior
Describe how their behavior makes you
feel
; while this is a consequence of the behavior it is important to save your feelings separate from the other consequences
Describe the
consequences
of their current and ongoing behavior; these consequences could be to you, to them and/or to others
Describe your
intentions
; this is a statement of how you will respond if the behavior continues; this statement could be a request, how you will behave in the future, or where you stand on the issue
Conflict as Destructive
When we shy away from conflict in our interpersonal relationships it could be that we do so because we conceptualize it as destructive to our relationships
Four assumptions of viewing conflict as destructive
Conflict is a destructive disturbance of the peace
The social system should not be adjusted to meet the needs of members; rather, members should adapt to the established values
Confrontations are destructive and ineffective
Disputants should be punished
When viewed this way, we believe that it is a threat to the established order of the relationship
Conflict as Productive
It is possible, even healthy, to view conflict a s a productive natural outgrowth and component of human relationships
Four assumptions of viewing conflict as productive
Conflict is a normal, useful process
All issues are subject to change through negotiation
Direct confrontation and conciliation are valued
Conflict is a necessary renegotiation of an implied contract, a redistribution of opportunity, release of tensions, and renewal of relationships
From this perspective conflict provides an opportunity for strengthening relationships, not harming them; a chance for relational partners to find way to meet the needs of one another, even when these needs conflict
Conflict
is the expressed struggle between two or more interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards, limited resources and interference from the other party in achieving their goals