Communication Climate
Communication climate is the "overall feeling or emotional mood between people"
Confirming and Disconfirming Climates
We experience confirming climates when we receive messages that demonstrate our value and worth from those with whom we have a relationship
We experience disconfirming climates when we receive messages that suggest we are devalued and unimportant
Positive interaction is reinforcing and then encourages the partners to continue the behaviors
Typically characterized by causing defensiveness; being defensive is considered reciprocal in nature, meaning that we typically meet defensiveness with defensiveness
Six patterns of behavior in a relationship that evoke defensive reactions and contribute to the cycle of defensiveness
Evaluation: When we perceive that someone is judging
Control: When we perceive that someone is attempting to change us or impose on us a solution for a problem
Strategy: When we perceive that someone is trying to manipulate us or to conceal or disguise his or her true motives
Neutrality: When we perceive that someone is indifferent to our feelings and unconcerned about our welfare
Superiority: When we perceive that someone assumes that he or she has a higher status or worth than we do or acts in unilateral manner that shuts out feedback
Certainty: When we perceive that someone holds an unyielding and dogmatic position that is not open to dialogue
Supportive communication behaviors to use to avoid defensiveness
Describe instead of Evaluate
Problem Orientation instead of Control
Spontaneous instead of Strategic
Empathy instead of Neutrality
Equality instead of Superiority
Provisional (Flexible) instead of Certain
Defensive Language
Evaluation: Judgmental statements indicating a lack of regard for the other
Control: Speaker imposes solution(s) without regard to teh needs or input of the other
Strategy: Manipulation, calculation; having an unspoken agenda
Neutrality: Indifference to speaker's plight
Superiority: Speaker reminds you frequently of their perceived greater status; uses position or social role as a reason why the other should do something
Certainty: Sees things in a singular way; characterized by "always" "never" "only" language; has low tolerance for disagreement
Supportive Language
Description: Neutral statements that describe observable behavior; give it context and report its impact on you; use "I" language
Equality: Speaker may have greater talents, but communicates that they see you as having equal worth as a person
Problem-Solving Orientation: Collaboration on a solution that is satisfactory to both; win-win; asks instead of tells
Flexibility: Would rather investigate than debate; characterized by "maybe" "perhaps" "this is how I see it" and more tentative language
Spontaneity/Honesty: Direct honest communication with no underlying agenda and it is not evaluative
Empathy: Verbal and nonverbal displays of support; paraphrasing, prompting, validating, supportive language