Conflict mind map

While conflict may be uncomfortable and challenging it doesn’t have to be negative. Competent communicators know that although it’s impossible to eliminate conflict, there are ways to manage it effectively. Managing conflict skillfully can open the door to healthier, stronger, and more satisfying relationships.

Conflict is the expressed struggle between two or more interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards, limited resources and interference from the other party in achieving their goals

Conflict as Destructive When we shy away from conflict in our interpersonal relationships it could be that we do so because we conceptualize it as destructive to our relationships. As with many of our beliefs and attitudes, they are not always well-grounded and lead to destructive behaviors.

  1. Conflict is a destructive disturbance of the peace.
  1. The social system should not be adjusted to meet the needs of members; rather, members should adapt to the established values.

3 .Confrontations are destructive and ineffective.

  1. Disputants should be punished.

When we view conflict this way, we believe that it is a threat to the established order of the relationship. Think about sports as an analogy of how we view conflict as destructive

Conflict as Productive In contrast to seeing conflict as destructive, it is possible, even healthy, to view conflict as a productive natural outgrowth and component of human relationships

  1. Conflict is a normal, useful process.
  1. All issues are subject to change through negotiation.
  1. Direct confrontation and conciliation are valued.
  1. Conflict is a necessary renegotiation of an implied contract—a redistribution of opportunity, release of tensions, and renewal of relationships.

Types of Conflict

Affective conflict arises when we have incompatible feelings with another person.

Conflict of Interest. This type of conflict arises when people disagree about a plan of action or what to do in a given circumstance.

Value Conflict. A difference in ideologies or values between relational partners is called value conflict.

Cognitive Conflict. Cognitive conflict is the difference in thought process, interpretation of events, and perceptions

Negotiation of Selves Conflict: This occurs when our identities and how we think the other person sees us conflict.

Goal Conflict. Goal conflict occurs when people disagree about a final outcome.

Conflict Management We have a variety of ways we can manage conflict. These management styles can be plotted on a grid with one access being the degree to which you are invested in the needs and desired outcomes and the lower/horizontal axis is about the degree to which you are invested in the relationship.

AVOIDING/DENYING: I lose, you lose

When? Issue unimportant, No time, Winning impossible, other has power, Emotions high, Value collisions, Not enough information, Harmony worth it, It's not your problem.

Risks? Miss creative solutions, Will resurface in worse form, No closure, Self is denied, Encourages further avoidance, Unmet needs, Repressed anger.

ACCOMMODATING: I lose, you win

When? You see reason to satisfy other's needs, You want to avoid confrontation, When it's possible.

Risks? Miss creative solutions, No guarantee other's n eeds met, Encourages pattern of avoiding, Miss basic issues, Creates a new problem, Often expensive.

COMPROMISING: I lose, you lose (I win you win a little?

When? Limited time, Winning impossible, Win Win impossible, Issues are relatively minor.

Risks? No one really satisfied, Will resurface, Miss creative solutions.

COMPETING: I win, you lose

When? You have power, Not concerned with relationship, Limited time, Issue so important the consequences worth it, Issue is urgent, Issue unimportant to other.

Risks? Other's needs unmet, Other has repressed anger, Other feels bad about self, Damaged relationship, No commitment to 'solution, Miss creative solutions.

COLLABORATING: I win, you win

When? Issue important to both, Relationship important, Issue is complex, Creative solutions needed, Future commitment needed.

Risks? Takes time, Takes trust in self and others, Takes skills in problem solving, listening, and confronting, Working on needs before solutions, Separating needs from values, Separating issues from people

Steps of Win-Win Problem Solving.

  1. Identify your problem and unmet needs to yourself (What do you want? = “Wants” and Why do you want it? = “Needs”)

  1. Make a date with them to find the right time to talk about the problem

  1. Describe your problem and needs to them using I-Language

  1. Ask them to paraphrase you to make sure they understand what you said

  1. Ask them what they want and need (What do they want and why do they want it?)

  1. Paraphrase their wants and needs to be sure you understand them

  1. Negotiate a solution

a. Identify and define the conflict (Wants vs Needs)

b. Generate a number of possible solutions

c. Evaluate the alternative solutions

d. Decide on the best solutions

  1. Follow-up on the solution to see if modifications are needed

Assertive Message This is an excellent tool to use when you need to confront someone, especially if they have power in the situation. 

  1. Describe the observable behavior:  Describe the behavior, being careful to not use evaluative language. This first step is just like the first step of a perception check.

  1. Offer your interpretation of the other person’s behavior:  Again this is like the perception check.  State why you think they are engaged in the behavior.  Go ahead and offer two interpretations if you want.

  1. Describe how their behavior makes you feel.  While this is a consequence of the behavior it is important to state your feelings separate from the other consequences.

  1. Describe the consequences of their current and ongoing behavior. These consequences could be to you, to them and/or to others.

  1. Describe your intentions.  This is a statement of how you will respond if the behavior continues. This statement could be a request (“Please come to work on time.”).