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Communication Climate (6 Patterns of behaviors that evokes defensive…
Communication Climate
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Often we can measure this mood or feeling by the degree to which we feel valued. If you dread going to visit your family during the holidays because of tension between you and your sister, or you look forward to dinner with a particular set of friends because they make you laugh, you are responding to the communication climate—the overall mood that is created because of the people involved and the type of communication they bring to the interaction.
We experience confirming climates when we receive messages that demonstrate our value and worth from those with whom we have a relationship.
we experience Disconfirming Climates when we receive messages that suggest we are devalued and unimportant.
Once a climate is formed, it can take on a life of its own and grow in a self-perpetuating spiral. Positive spirals are when one partner’s confirming message leads to a similar response from the other person. This positive interaction is reinforcing and then encourages the partners to continue the behaviors. But the climate can spiral negatively.
Disconfirming climates are typically characterized by causing defensiveness. Being defensive is considered reciprocal in nature, meaning that we typically meet defensiveness with defensiveness.
then things spiral out of control. This is called an escalatory conflict spiral. Gibb suggests if we can recognize our defensive-causing behaviors we can use supportive behaviors to increase the odds of creating and maintaining positive communication climates.
Gibb's (1999) model of defensive communication climate, which was initially developed to analyze the dynamics of small-group interaction, can also be applied to examine the stability and well-being of interpersonal relationships.
Gibb observes that people feel defensive when they perceive that they are under attack. In circumstances similar to what Gottman refers to as negative criticism and contemptuous attitudes that produce defensive reactions, a person who is defensive devotes a significant amount of personal energy to self-protection. When defensive responses arise in interpersonal communications, it is the relationship itself that becomes defensive. Defensive behavior from one party in a relationship evokes defensive behavior on the part of the other. Moreover, this dynamic cycle of defensiveness can intensify.
Describe Instead of Evaluate Instead of communicating with patterns of behavior that arouse defensiveness, like those just listed, Gibb suggests using a corresponding set of supportive communication behaviors.
For instance, rather than evaluate another person, we might be more effective if we describe a concern.
Use Problem Orientation Instead of Control This open up a range of choices and shares decision making. By using a problem-orientation, control is shared and each has a voice.
Be Spontaneous Instead of Strategic Spontaneous responses to problems disclose true feelings and motives. Being spontaneous also means refraining from trying to manipulate others.
Respond with Empathy Instead of Neutrality Gibb (1999) suggests that when we respond to others with empathy, we signal that we acknowledge and accept their feelings. When we respond withneutrality, on the other hand, we signal that we dismiss or are indifferent to their feelings. By showing empathy, we demonstrate a sense of concern for them and for our relationship with them.
Regard One Another with Equality Instead of Superiority A supportive communication climate is also engendered when we resist the tendency to claim or assert superiority. Instead of taking the upper hand in the relationship, we should strive for equality.
Be Provisional (Flexible) Instead of Certain instead of with absolute certainty. Provisional speech demonstrates open-mindedness and flexibility, a willingness to entertain ideas other than your own. Along that line, being provisional demonstrates a respect for other people's opinions and thus for them, as well.
Implications for Communication: Recognize and Change Patterns of Communication for Effective Relational Maintenance
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Maintaining the stability and well-being of a relationship requires that you develop a kind of mindfulness.
they can best see patterns of communication by making videotapes of married couples having arguments. By counting the frequency of negative communication, they can predict with better than 90 percent accuracy if couples will fail in their marriages. Their study has found that the most crucial predictor is the frequency of negative communication strategies relative to positive communication strategies.
Pearson identifies another attribute of successful romantic relationships, which she calls positive distortion. Pearson's studies of successful relationships found that a critical factor explaining the endurance of some relationships is the way that partners looked for the positive qualities of the other.
Change Patterns of Communication to Affirm and Support One Another Ideally, people in a relationship strive to develop a positive climate, one that is supportive and open. Effective interpersonal communicators also maintain the stability of their relationships by providing reassurance to their partners that they are involved and committed to their relationships.