What are counselling skills?
Life today →values respected: independence and self-sufficiency→we should be flexible to reach out for help and accept it when needed.
Uncaring society→sef-interest above the needs of others
Some may not have the energy to deal w/ helping others
Help people by listening, communicating and enable them to share their troubles and feel better.
Who can use counselling skills?
If you feel good about yourself, you're in position to make others feel good about themselves
Having problems should stop you from helping.
Listening to others can be emotionally draining→feel overwhelmed and burdened
May improve your relationships
Counselling
Becoming a counsellor→accredited course, practical training and supervision, understanding of psychology and human developmental processes, work within a specific theoretical framework
Boundaries in the relationship→environment where privacy is assured providing physical and emotional safety for both counsellor and person being helped, nature and purpose clarified, ethical boundaries
Quality→Own needs to one side, focus on the needs of the other person, a friend or a colleague may stay in touch w/ this→for a counselor is non-reciprocal
Counsellors encourage to do what the person wants to do, usually not give advice nor make suggestions, encourage to discover their own resources and solutions,
Goals→help people address specific problems troubling them and develop more positive and different ways to cope w/ life. Develop skills and personal growth
Use of counselling skills→ you don't need to be a counsellor to use them, they can be really helpful in your life
Will it change the relationship?→ Substantially unchanged relationship and rather enhanced
contrary to a counsellor, direct advice may be necessary to be provided
Achivements
Confort people in distress and help them to: deal w/ emotions to feel better, deal w/ worrying thoughts & beliefs, find solutions, make decisions, feel more positive about themselves, examine and maybe change behaviours
Impacts of using counselling skills
When to use and not use them
Take account the relationship, time available, situation and one's emotional energy
Direct or indirect invitation for the other to come and talk about their issues
Trusting relationship, environment, level of confidentiality, emotional energy, expectations regarding the relationship,
We have a moral obligation towards the person we want to help
Try to avoid pushing the other to disclose more than they wish to
Can be satisfying for the person using them
Emotional consequences→ likely to be brought in touch w/ our own inner pain relating our past and unresolved problems
Facing our own emotional responses to what we are being told
We may steer a conversation to avoid painful topics and protect ourselves
Expectations of yourself
Need to have a clear idea of our expectations about ourselves
Unrealistic expectations→we can solve someone else's problems, change someone's beliefs and attitudes, give advice when asked for it (it's better to avoid giving it)
Advice
Very dependent on the context
The advice may fit you but no the other person, may reject it or not act on it
Positive outcome: you take away the person's confidence in their ability to make decisions for themselves
Negative outcome: angry w/ you
Realistic expectations
Make sure the person we help doesn't have unrealistic expectations about us
Recognise limits
Be kind w/ you by recognising how much you can actually help, clear understanding of the limits regarding our personal commitment →if unsure, suggest them see someone else
Setting realistic expectations
Trying to create a trusting caring relationship, actively listening→person feels heard and understood, acknowledge person's emotional feelings, sort out their confusion, opportunity to consider solutions and make decisions
These may not always be achieved