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Conflict (Types (Affective (Arises when we have incompatible feelings with…
Conflict
Types
Affective
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Example: If a couple has been dating for a while, one of the partners may want to marry as a sign of love while the other decides he/she wants to see other people. What do they do? The differences in feelings for one another are the source of affective conflict
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Cognitive
The difference in thought process, interpretation of events, and perceptions
Example: A wife observes her husband being close to another woman assumes that he is cheating but he argues they were just old friends. They are observing the same interaction but have a disagreement about what it means
Negotiation of selves
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Example: A 17-year-old may argue as he wants his parents to view him as an adult, whereas parents try to protect and show that they still see him underage and need protection
Goal
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Example: When buying a house, conflict can arise if one person think of long-term investment and the other thinks about immediate term
Management
Avoiding or Denying
When the issue is unimportant, there is no time, it is impossible to win, the other one has power,...
Risks: Unmet needs, repressed anger,...
Accommodating
When you see a reason to satisfy the other's needs, avoid confrontation,....
Risks: Encourages pattern of avoiding, miss basic issues, creates a new problem,...
Compromising
When there is limited time, winning is impossible,,...
Risks: No one is satisfied, will resurface,...
Competing
When you have power, not concerned with the relationship,..
Risks: Other's needs unmet, other person has repressed anger and feels bad about self,....
Collaborating
When: Issue important to both and is complex, relationship is important important,....
Risks: Takes time, trust in each other, problem-solving skills,...
General
Definition
The expressed struggle between two or more interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards, limited resources and interference from the other party in achieving their goals
Destructive conflict
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Augsburger's assumptions
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The social system should not be adjusted to meet the needs of members; rather, members should adapt to the established values
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An option is to avoid conflict so that neither person has to face that result because we don't want to lose and we also don't want our partners to lose
Productive conflict
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Augsburger's assumtions
Conflict is a normal, useful process
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Conflict is a necessary renegotiation of an implied contract—a redistribution of opportunity, release of tensions, and renewal of relationships
Conflict provides an opportunity for strengthening relationships, a chance for relational partners to find ways to meet the needs of one another
Win-Win problem solving
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Steps
- Ask them to paraphrase you to make sure they understand what you said
- Ask them what they want and need
- Describe your problem and needs to them using I-Language
- Paraphrase their wants and needs to be sure you understand them
- Make a date with them to find the right time to talk about the problem
- Negotiate a solution (Identify and define, generate possible solutions, evaluate alternative solutions, decide on the best)
- Identify your problem and unmet needs to yourself
- Follow-up on the solution to see if modifications are needed
Assertive message
Excellent tool to use when you need to confront someone, especially if they have power in the situation
Steps
- Describe the observable behavior, being careful to not use evaluative language ~ Perception check
- Offer your interpretation of the other person’s behavior: State why you think they are engaged in the behavior ~ Perception check, offer around 2 interpretations
- Describe how their behavior makes you feel: It is important to state your feelings separate from the other consequences
- Describe the consequences of their current and ongoing behavior: These consequences could be to you, to them and/or to others
- Describe your intentions: This is a statement of how you will respond if the behavior continues. Could be a request, a statement of how you will behave in the future, a statement on how you stand on the issue