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Foundations of Relationships (Relational Dialectics (Autonomy-Connection…
Foundations of Relationships
Personal relationships meet emotional, relational, and instrumental needs, as they are intimate, close, and interdependent relationships such as those we have with best friends, partners, or immediate family.
Social relationships are relationships that occasionally meet our needs and lack the closeness and interdependence of personal relationships. Examples of social relationships include coworkers, distant relatives, and acquaintances.
Stages of Relational Interaction
Coming Together
Initiating stage, people size each other up and try to present themselves favorably. “My name’s Rich. It’s nice to meet you.”
Experimenting stage, where people exchange information and often move from strangers to acquaintances. “I like to cook and refinish furniture in my spare time. What about you?”
Intensifying stage, we indicate that we would like or are open to more intimacy, and then we wait for a signal of acceptance before we attempt more intimacy. “I feel like we’ve gotten a lot closer over the past couple months.”
Integrating stage, two people’s identities and personalities merge, and a sense of interdependence develops. (To friend) “We just opened a joint bank account.”
Bonding stage includes a public ritual that announces formal commitment. “I can’t wait to tell my parents that we decided to get married!”
Coming Apart
Differentiating stage, communicating these differences becomes a primary focus. “I’d really like to be able to hang out with my friends sometimes.”
Circumscribing stage, communication decreases and certain areas or subjects become restricted as individuals verbally close themselves off from each other. “Don’t worry about problems I’m having at work. I can deal with it.”
Stagnating stage, the relationship may come to a standstill, as individuals basically wait for the relationship to end. (To self) “I don’t know why I even asked him to go out to dinner. He never wants to go out and have a good time.”
Avoiding stage may be a way to end the awkwardness that comes with stagnation, as people signal that they want to close down the lines of communication. “I have a lot going on right now, so I probably won’t be home as much.”
Terminating stage of a relationship can occur shortly after initiation or after a ten- or twenty-year relational history has been established. “It’s important for us both to have some time apart. I know you’ll be fine.”
Social Exchange Theory
essentially entails a weighing of the costs and rewards in a given relationship. Rewards are outcomes that we get from a relationship that benefit us in some way, while costs range from granting favors to providing emotional support.
Relational Dialectics
Autonomy-Connection refers to our need to have close connection with others as well as our need to have our own space and identity.
Novelty-Predictability is the idea that we desire predictability as well as spontaneity in our relationships.
Openness-Closedness refers to the desire to be open and honest with others while at the same time not wanting to reveal every thing about yourself to someone else.