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Communication Climate (Supportive Communication Climates (Respond with…

- - - - Vivien is irritated by one of Laverne's personal habits—say, leaving dirty dishes in the sink. In place of calling Laverne a slob, an evaluative behavior, Vivien could describe how or why the unwashed dirty dishes create a problem. But it would be Vivien's problem, not Laverne's.
  - - - Problem-Orientation: Vivien might seek input from Laverne by asking, "What do you think is a good way to take care of the dishes?"
  - - - Vivien's concern for neatness is insecurity, which is based in the fear that other friends or family members will see the dirty dishes and think that it is Vivien rather than Laverne who is the slob.
        
        Strategic: But, rather than acknowledging those true fears, Vivien would prefer to manipulate Laverne into feeling shame.
        
        Spontaneous: "I get uptight about dirty dishes in the sink. I am afraid that someone else is going to see the mess and think I made it. What if my mother suddenly showed up at the door? She would think I was a slob."
  - - - If Vivien were to follow the suggestions discussed thus far for using supportive communication behaviors—Laverne might be inclined to empathize with those feelings.
        
        When we respond to situations with supportive communication behaviors, such as demonstrating empathy, we can create a cycle of supportiveness, rather than defensiveness.
  - - - Treating another person as an equal by expressing mutual trust and demonstrating genuine openness to his or her views.
        
        Vivien should resist the temptation to claim that the tidier person is the superior person. Defensive responses are interactive. Gibb observes that when we feel we are being evaluated, we will sometimes lash out in response. So, Laverne should also refrain from judging Vivien as being overly concerned with or even ridiculous about the matter of neatness.
  - - - Provisional demonstrates a respect for other people's opinions and thus for them, as well.
        
        Certainty: Laverne hears phrases such as: "You must clean up those dirty dishes, right now!"
        
        Provisional: "When you get a chance, I would like it if you cleaned up the dishes."
- - - - You are responding to the communication climate—the overall mood that is created because of the people involved and the type of communication they bring to the interaction.
- - - - Being defensive is considered reciprocal in nature, meaning that we typically meet defensiveness with defensiveness. And then things spiral out of control---Escalatory Conflict Spiral.
        
        Once a climate is formed, it can take on a life of its own and grow in a self-perpetuating spiral.
- - - - Positive spirals are when one partner’s confirming message leads to a similar response from the other person.
- - - - Strategy: When we perceive that someone is trying to manipulate us or to conceal or disguise his or her true motives
      - Neutrality: When we perceive that someone is indifferent to our feelings and unconcerned about our welfare
      - Control: When we perceive that someone is attempting to change us or impose on us a solution for a problem
      - Superiority: When we perceive that someone assumes that he or she has a higher status or worth than we do or acts in a unilateral manner that shuts out feedback
      - Evaluation: When we perceive that someone is judging
      - Certainty: When we perceive that someone holds an unyielding and dogmatic position that is not open to dialogue