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Communication Climate (Confirming and Disconfirming Climates…

- - - - Dread going to visit your family during the holidays because of tension between you and your sister
      - Look forward to dinner with a particular set of friends because they make you laugh
        
        Communication climate—the overall mood that is created because of the people involved and the type of communication they bring to the interaction.
- - - - Positive spirals are when one partner’s
        confirming message leads to a similar
        response from the other person.
        
        “Once a Climate is Formed, it can take a life of it’s own and grow in a self-perpetuating spiral”
  - - - Escalatory conflict spiral.
- - - - • Evaluation: When we perceive that someone is judging
      - • Control: When we perceive that someone is attempting to change us or impose on us a solution for a problem
      - • Strategy: When we perceive that someone is trying to manipulate us or to conceal or disguise his or her true motives
      - • Neutrality: When we perceive that someone is indifferent to our feelings and unconcerned about our welfare
      - • Superiority: When we perceive that someone assumes that he or she has a higher status or worth than we do or acts in a unilateral manner that shuts out feedback
      - • Certainty: When we perceive that someone holds an unyielding and dogmatic position that is not open to dialogue
  - - - Instead of communicating with patterns of behavior that arouse defensiveness, use a corresponding set of behaviors
        
        Vivien is irritated by one of Laverne's personal habits—say, leaving dirty dishes in the sink. In place of calling Laverne a slob, an evaluative behavior, Vivien could describe how or why the unwashed dirty dishes create a problem. But it would be Vivien's problem, not Laverne's.
    - - Control: Vivien has a tendency to bark orders such as: Put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher as soon as you finish eating!
        
        Problem Orientation: “What do you think is a good way to take care of the dishes?”
    - - Spontaneous responses to problems disclose true feelings and motives
        
        Vivien's concern for neatness is insecurity, which is based in the fear that other friends or family members will see the dirty dishes and think that it is Vivien rather than Laverne who is the slob. But, rather than acknowledging those true fears, Vivien would prefer to manipulate Laverne into feeling shame.
        
        Spontaneous: “I get uptight about dirty dishes in the sink. I am afraid that someone else is going to see the mess and think I made it. What if my mother suddenly showed up at the sore? She would think I was a slob.”
    - - When we respond to others with empathy, we signal that we acknowledge and accept their feelings.
        
        Vivien were to follow the suggestions discussed thus far for using supportive communication behaviors—Laverne might be inclined to empathize with those feelings.
        
        Create a cycle of supportiveness, rather than defensiveness.
      - When we respond with neutrality, on the other hand, we signal that we dismiss or are indifferent to their feelings.
    - - Vivien should resist the temptation to claim that the tidier person is the superior person. Defensive responses are interactive. Gibb observes that when we feel we are being evaluated, we will sometimes lash out in response. So, Laverne should also refrain from judging Vivien as being overly concerned with or even ridiculous about the matter of neatness.
    - - Provisional: open-mindedness and flexibility, a willingness to entertain ideas other than your own.
        
        Certainty: Laverne hears phrases such as: "You must clean up those dirty dishes, right now!" The words "must" and "now" and the issue of a command to Laverne are examples of certainty.
        
        Provisional: “When you get a chance, I would like it if you cleaned up the dishes.”