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Interpersonal relationships (Social exchange theory (Essentially entails a…
Interpersonal relationships
Personal and social
Personal
Meet emotional, relational, and instrumental needs, as they are intimate, close, and interdependent relationships
Example: Best friends, partners, or immediate family
Voluntary
Partners, spouses, best friends
Involuntary
Parents, siblings, grandparents, colleagues
Social
Occasionally meet our needs and lack the closeness and interdependence of personal relationships
Example: Include coworkers, distant relatives, and acquaintances
Voluntary
Acquaintances, activity partners
Involuntary
Distant relatives, coworkers, neighbors, teachers, classmates
Stages of relational interaction
Coming together
Initiating
People size each other up and try to present themselves favorably
Factors
Previous knowledge: Determines if you introduce yourself or start casually
Time: Allows a quick hello or a formal start
Experimenting
Exchange information and often move from strangers to acquaintances
Likened to the “sniffing ritual” of animals
Between newly met people: Exchange basic information and sometimes meet with silience
Small talks
Sometimes annoying
Functions
Create a communicative entry point that can lead people to uncover topics of conversation that go beyond the surface level
Help us audition someone to see if we’d like to talk to them further
Generally creating a sense of ease and community with others
Although not substantive, most of our relationships do not progress far beyond this point
Common among young adults catching up with their parents when they return home for a visit
Intensifying
We indicate that we would like or are open to more intimacy and wait for a signal of acceptance before we attempt more intimacy
Occur over a period of weeks, months, or years
Example: Inviting a new friend to join you at a party, then to your place for dinner, then to go on vacation with you
In order to save face and avoid making ourselves overly vulnerable, steady progression is key
Requests for and granting favors may also play into intensification of a relationship
Too many unrequited favors may lead to differentiating
Example: Creation of nicknames, inside jokes, and personal idioms; increased use of we and our,..
Integrating
Two people’s identities and personalities merge, and a sense of interdependence develops
Referred to as if they were one, present as a unit
Both still maintain some sense of self by spending time with friends and family separately, which helps balance their needs for independence and connection
Bonding
Includes a public ritual that announces formal commitment
Example: weddings, commitment ceremonies, and civil unions
Bonding warrants its own stage because the symbolic act of bonding can have very real effects on how two people communicate about and perceive their relationship
Coming apart
Differentiating
Communicating differences becomes a focus
The reverse of integrating, as we and our reverts back to I and my
Differentiating may onset in a relationship that bonded before the individuals knew each other in enough depth and breadth
Circumscribing
Draw a line around something or put a boundary around it
Communication decreases and certain areas or subjects become restricted as individuals verbally close themselves off from each other
Once the increase in boundaries and decrease in communication becomes a pattern, the relationship further deteriorates toward stagnation
Stagnation
The relationship may come to a standstill, as individuals basically wait for the relationship to end
Internal thoughts lead them to avoid direct conversations
Some may do so to avoid potential pain from termination, some may still hope to rekindle the spark that started the relationship, or some may enjoy leading their relational partner on
Avoiding
May be a way to end the awkwardness that comes with stagnation
Communication in this stage can be direct or indirect
Mentally shutdown but can't avoid physical presence
Terminating
Can occur shortly after initiation or after a ten- or twenty-year relational history has been established
Can result from outside circumstances such as geographic separation or internal factors such as changing values or personalities that lead to a weakening of the bond
Typically a summary followed by a distance message that further communicates the relational drift that has occurred and a disassociation message that prepares people to be apart by projecting what happens after the relationship ends
Sometimes there is a message regarding the possibility for future communication in the relationship
Social exchange theory
Essentially entails a weighing of the costs and rewards in a given relationship
Rewards: Outcomes that we get from a relationship that benefit us in some way
Costs: Range from granting favors to providing emotional support
Without rewards, we may negatively evaluate the relationship and view ourselves as being underbenefited
Interdependence: Refers to the relationship between a person’s well-being and involvement in a particular relationship (High satisfaction and a sense of benefit
As the dynamics in a relationship change, we may engage communally without even being aware of it, just by simply enjoying the relationship
We don't carry a notepad to write down every favor but the awareness towards costs and rewards may arise during conflicts
Overall, relationships are more likely to succeed when there is satisfaction and commitment, meaning that we are pleased in a relationship intrinsically or by the rewards we receive
Relational dialetics
Definition: A continuum of needs for each participant in a relationship that must be negotiated by those involved
Types
Autonomy-Connections
Our need to have close connection with others as well as our need to have our own space and identity
The longer we are in a relationship, the better we balance our time alone and our time with SO despite being closed in the first place
Novelty-Predictability
The idea that we desire predictability as well as spontaneity in our relationships
We take comfort in a certain level of routine as a way of knowing what we can count on the other person in the relationship
Too much routine gets boring so we like to mix it up a bit
Openness-Closedness
The desire to be open and honest with others while at the same time not wanting to reveal every thing about yourself to someone else
One's desire for privacy is basic human's need
We confide in with close ones but not even they know all about us