People size each other up and try to present themselves favorably

Previous knowledge: Determines if you introduce yourself or start casually

Exchange information and often move from strangers to acquaintances

Between newly met people: Exchange basic information and sometimes meet with silience

Create a communicative entry point that can lead people to uncover topics of conversation that go beyond the surface level

Help us audition someone to see if we’d like to talk to them further

Generally creating a sense of ease and community with others

Although not substantive, most of our relationships do not progress far beyond this point

Common among young adults catching up with their parents when they return home for a visit

We indicate that we would like or are open to more intimacy and wait for a signal of acceptance before we attempt more intimacy

Example: Inviting a new friend to join you at a party, then to your place for dinner, then to go on vacation with you

In order to save face and avoid making ourselves overly vulnerable, steady progression is key

Requests for and granting favors may also play into intensification of a relationship

Too many unrequited favors may lead to differentiating

Example: Creation of nicknames, inside jokes, and personal idioms; increased use of we and our,..

Two people’s identities and personalities merge, and a sense of interdependence develops

Referred to as if they were one, present as a unit

Both still maintain some sense of self by spending time with friends and family separately, which helps balance their needs for independence and connection

Includes a public ritual that announces formal commitment

Example: weddings, commitment ceremonies, and civil unions

Bonding warrants its own stage because the symbolic act of bonding can have very real effects on how two people communicate about and perceive their relationship

Communicating differences becomes a focus

The reverse of integrating, as we and our reverts back to I and my

Differentiating may onset in a relationship that bonded before the individuals knew each other in enough depth and breadth

Draw a line around something or put a boundary around it

Communication decreases and certain areas or subjects become restricted as individuals verbally close themselves off from each other

Once the increase in boundaries and decrease in communication becomes a pattern, the relationship further deteriorates toward stagnation

The relationship may come to a standstill, as individuals basically wait for the relationship to end

Some may do so to avoid potential pain from termination, some may still hope to rekindle the spark that started the relationship, or some may enjoy leading their relational partner on

May be a way to end the awkwardness that comes with stagnation

Can occur shortly after initiation or after a ten- or twenty-year relational history has been established

Can result from outside circumstances such as geographic separation or internal factors such as changing values or personalities that lead to a weakening of the bond

Typically a summary followed by a distance message that further communicates the relational drift that has occurred and a disassociation message that prepares people to be apart by projecting what happens after the relationship ends

Sometimes there is a message regarding the possibility for future communication in the relationship

We don't carry a notepad to write down every favor but the awareness towards costs and rewards may arise during conflicts

Overall, relationships are more likely to succeed when there is satisfaction and commitment, meaning that we are pleased in a relationship intrinsically or by the rewards we receive